Monday, March 31, 2014

Oh, If These Walls Could Talk - Art Journaling


I'm still working with my powerfully, poignant poem.

I've loved the picture since I first saw it several months back.  As I was flipping thru magazines on Saturday looking for images, it brought a smile to come across it again.  At first, I wasn't sure about pairing it with my poem.  But, as I thought about it, I knew it was perfect.

If I'm reframing an old story for myself in a kinder, more gently affirming way, which I am, this little room is actually just right.  When enclosing my heart as a way to take good care, sometimes in the only way I know how, I would hope I would take refuge in a place as pleasing and calming to me as this special little cubby.  

Smiling softly because I like that it has a door, too.  That way?  When I do need to come back and spend a little time here caring for my tender heart and re-grouping, I can.  The door is always open and the welcome mat is always out to my beautiful little sanctuary.

Yes.

.       *       .


Sunday, March 30, 2014

Trust in Grace


I took Brene Brown's e-course on The Gifts of Imperfection last fall and had a couple more assignments to complete before the 2nd session starts this week.  (If you haven't read this gem of a book yet, I would highly recommend it.)

When she first invited us to come up with a mantra for the first page of our art journal, I felt sad.  I didn't think I had a mantra.

Grinning now because awhile later, a warm smile spread across my face when I playfully thought to myself, "yes, you do, you big silly!"  I have been saying to myself and writing at the end of almost every single email I send out (for over 5 years!) a gentle reminder to "Trust in Grace."  (Grace is my fond nickname for my Higher Power)

Yesterday morning I had a lovely time pairing my deeply personal and gentle reminder-mantra with one of my favorite selfies.  The pretty pink butterfly is a visual reminder to Hope, too, my word for this year.  

I am really, *really* enjoying the fact that this will now be the very first page I see every single time I open this journal of mine.

.        *         .




Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Thankful Tuesday


Today I am thankful for:

1.  Gift of a timely quote supporting me exactly where I am. 
2.  Inspired thought of coloring a pink heart on my hand, 
     visual reminder to be gently tender.
3.  Spilling the truth (both words and tears) in a safe place.
4.  Being seen, heard, received and loved right where I was (am).
5.  Quiet morning with plenty of room just to be.
6.  Intentionally accepting and receiving this gift of time.
7.  Welcomed company of a single bird's song.
8.  Assurance that arrives from taking a moment to notice and receive 
     Grace's gifts tucked into everyday moments.
9.  Timely reminder that "let it be" *is* surrender ~ it counts.  
     Every. single. moment. I am willing to try.
10. Once again, for this space to be true.

.        *         .


Monday, March 17, 2014

I'm Okay

"What if being okay really did just mean- I am a human being doing the best I can with what is arising right now, and I will continue. And that truly is, okay."
~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Feeling deeply grateful for the timeliness of Oriah's wise reminder this morning.  I'm having some feelings ~ revisiting an old pattern ~ and wanting to, as best I can, to be with it in a different way.  And, yes, to trust that I am okay even as I'm feeling and experiencing this... again.


This picture was taken in a calmer, more settled place than I'm feeling right now.
Just wanting to pair it with this post to remind myself.

Yes, I am okay.


.       *       .


Sunday, March 16, 2014

Dusk


The other evening,
while hubby was airing up a tire
and I was sitting outside with him,
the setting sun was beautiful.

.       *       .



Thursday, March 13, 2014

Oh, if These Walls Could Talk



Oh, if these walls could talk
They would softly explain
How they once were erected
To ease her heart’s pain

“Keep the hurt out!”
She sobbed and she cried
And the walls did enfold her
Safe-keeping inside

Honored to offer what
Shelter they might
A deep fondness grew
For her beautiful light

And over the years,
As they steadily stood
Her healing began
And it was so, so good

Safe in their shadow
She came to realize
Walling off hearts will,
In time, paralyze

Learning and practicing
New skills they both knew
The time was now nearing
To bid fond adieu

And when that time came
She tenderly whispered
Heartfelt thanks
To her caring shepherds

Faithful guardian,
Beloved intercessory
She would never forget
Her kind emissary

~ Debbie Grace

.       *       .




Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Thankful Tuesday


1.  Simple sunset patio supper on a lovely spring evening.
2.  Treat of having hubby home early.
3.  New-founded joy of working on poetry.
4.  A calm day at work.
5.  Some unexpected, very welcomed, timely insights at book group last night.
6.  Sweet little neighbor twins showing and sharing their artwork.
7.  Reading a wise book that resonates (Healing Through The Dark Emotions)
8.  Joyful seat-dancing to a song from the past, "Elvira" by the Oak Ridge Boys
9.  A new wave from Trust Tending called Centering, starting with a well, reminding me that my inner resources are deep.
10. Beautiful spring blooms popping out everywhere!

.      *      .



Monday, March 10, 2014

Delicate Crocus


Tender petals rise
up through fall's discarded dress
Blest sight for sore eyes

Soft purple herald
quietly offers her hope
  and nourishes heart

Delicate crocus
spring's invitation to dance
and welcome new life

,      *      .




Sunday, March 9, 2014

Groaning



Choked heart longs to sing
but either they don't listen
(or worse, interrupt)
(or worse still, interrupt
and don't ever come back)
or I don't.

Baby angels are kind
and mean well ~
but their offerings
just don't quite
hit the mark
or fill hungry heart

Old circle long gone
a necessary change
But it *was* community ...
hopefully new will,
in time,
be even more.

It just takes time, love,
and the groaning is real.
Can you let it all be,
honor it (and you) and trust?

I'm willing, Mama, please help?

Yes, of course, Star-dearest.
Of course.

.      *      .


Saturday, March 8, 2014

In the Name of . . .



In the name of
Mama Grace and Auntie Mercy
Enough and now Hope
each started as word for the year
Now wise companions, trusted guides
Welcomed encircling

I swear I will not dishonor
Your love and care
(nourishment intended for basking)
and gifts given …
All pearls meant to be
received
accepted
known
cultivated
cherished
shared

In the name of all I hold dear
and all that holds me dear,
In the name of
truth, beauty
honesty, vulnerability
and love

I will honor and hold as sacred
(as best I can in each moment)
and with your help, dearest mothers,
my life, my journey
my struggles, my triumphs
all, ordinary holy moments
meant for treasuring and blessing.

Amen

~ Debbie Grace


Yesterday afternoon I spent some time in our backyard and especially loved this photo. It feels like the perfect partner to my prayer-poem, gently reminding me that Someone (the taller daffodil) is always watching over me (the smaller daffodil).

.      *      .



Choosing Kindness

"It's not always easy to access gratitude when I'm running out of steam, but I'm learning I can (almost) always access kindness. I sense it as a powerful energy flowing out from my core, intricately tied to the light within. It feels centered, grounded, whole, even when I don't. It helps take me there when I'm stumbling off course."
~ Your Daily Shine #8   by Alana Sheeren
(quote used with her kind permission)


For me, I have to be *very careful* with gratitude because, as with humor, at times it has been used on me as a silencer, especially in my younger days. While it was really painful at the time, I can sort of understand. I was going thru a lot and it was my sense that others simply couldn't deal with the depths of what I was feeling. Still, this is a big and very old theme (and place of shame) in my life.

All that to say - and to honor - that sometimes *that* may be part of why I'm feeling petulant. I may be feeling angry/hurt/shame that another may be trying to push me into where I'm not at. . . yet . . . because of their own discomfort (and inabilities). And, yes, she adds softly, sometimes I find it is *me* that is trying to push me past where I am.

While I do see and know how beautifully helpful gratitude can be, again, I've just found that I need to use great care with it.

.      *      .

I'm not quite sure why I so love and (((resonate))) with the quoted words. I think a big part of it is the acknowledgment of the *truth* that "it's not always easy to access gratitude."

But.

And.

A baby step might be kindness. So it isn't all black and white - all or nothing - there is gray in there, too. If I can't, for whatever reasons on that particular day, make it to gratitude, perhaps I can stretch into trying a little kindness. This feels very, *very* hope-filled to me.

It's interesting to me that I've never really given much thought to the differences between gratitude and kindness before but they are there. As with any of our value words, each one has her own flavor and gifts . . . and each one is important and valuable.

Alana mentioned a moment of standing in front of her snack shelf and that got me to thinking.  We keep our breakfast cereal on top of the fridge so reaching for the day's choice takes intention and a bit of reach. Being a very visual person, I'm picturing myself standing in front of my fridge, selecting my "values" and pondering which "practice" to choose in any given situation. Smiling because I *really* like the idea that kindness can be Enough and that it's just fine to reach for "her" if that's where I find myself and feels most right.

Ahhh, and perhaps acknowledging that, for whatever reasons, I just can't reach for gratitude today and quietly giving myself permission to grab on to kindness, trusting that is Enough, is the most caring and loving thing I can do for myself in this moment.

Yes. 

.      *      .

Author note:  I originally wrote this post last September during my first time through Alana's lovely e-course and then just never hit publish.  She'd mentioned that for a new round of Shine she sometimes changes the order of daily posts, sprinkling in new ones here and there.  I had so hoped this one on Kindness would show up again in my inbox and it brought a very warm smile this morning, on our 14th day, to find it patiently waiting for me.  It feels right to publish this now.

Oh, and if you haven't taken Alana's e-course Shine yet, I would highly recommend it.   


.       *      .

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Sweet, Faithful Body


Sweet body
vacated long ago
in the midst of
surgeries, chemo, radiation
with harsh accusations
of betrayal.

Faithful companion
gently holding 
heart and soul
while quietly, 
patiently 
... 
waiting.

Soothing, strong strokes
coax calming, deep breaths
Soft music, kind presence
all healing cradle,
blessedly assuring.

And in the quiet
rises an achingly tender
I'm still here, Love.

I'm still here.

It is safe to come home.

(tears)

(Wanting to remember the lines from the face cradle, 
I took the picture above after a massage today)

.     *     .





Sunday, March 2, 2014

Warm Spring Greetings



Lookie who I found tucked up in our monkey grass this afternoon! 

Seeing these lovely crocus "girls" peeking their faces out always brings a warm smile and a welcomed, ease-filled, deep breath (or 5!) of "ah, yes, spring is coming!"

.     *     .

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Finding and Seeing Me



I've been feeling a little lost
in my life and to myself lately.


So I've intentionally turned back 
to finding and seeing myself thru selfies.


These are my two favorites from this week.





(Thank you for seeing me, too)

.     *     .


A Guide to True Hope


The pessimist complains about the wind.
The optimist expects it to change.
The realist adjusts the sails.
~ William A. Ward

This new-to-me quote was shared on Facebook this morning.  It resonates deeply, I'm sure in large part because I grew up in the every. single. day. winds of the Texas Panhandle.  Coming off the Rockies with nothing to break or stop them, the winds were strong and often felt oppressive.  So I *know* from the tips of my toes how constantly relentless the wind can be and also how it feels to fight (and hate) it.  Smiling softly because when it's windy here in Georgia, I will often emphatically say to anyone who will listen, "I do Not miss the wind."

The quote above feels like a practical guide map, helping me to navigate *how* to find and trust in True Hope.  I must simply (not necessarily easily) practice basing my responses on what I feel, sense, and know ~ the truth as she shows herself to me in this moment.

While they, too, can be informative, I want to use care with complaining and expectations as navigational tools because they can lead me on the path to false hopes.

.     *     .