Remembrance - Day 11 of 40

Smiling that these two showed up together. Lalor will often say that her name rhymes 

with "Taylor."

.   .   .   .   .

I met Dennis in college thru a graduate research study he was doing on folks with 

Raynaud's Syndrome.  He wanted to see if this phenomenon, nicknamed the "patriot's 

disease" because our extremities turn red, white, and blue, might have a stress related 

component and, if so, could the symptoms be curbed with the use of biofeedback.  Turns 

out the answer to both is yes.  

He was a kind soul who I always knew cared about me as a person.  I was not just a 

means to an end for him.  It was a sad day several years ago when I tried to reconnect 

with him and discovered he had already passed before I could say thank you (again).

.    .    .    .    .

Lalor is the dear woman who led the book group that I faithfully participated in for as 

long as she did them.  She is a spiritual director and I always appreciated her willingness

to let us wrestle.  Her womb of an office was a safe place to bravely struggle through 

the books we read together and/or whatever was on our hearts.  

She also had a deep fondness for me, even as I struggled with the other members in

our group.  She loved me even when I found it hard to love.  And that meant the 

world to me.

.     .     .     .     .

The other interesting thing about these two and the word Restore arriving on the same day?  

I was tired and seeing the three together brought a very warm smile.  

Yes.  

I believed that both of them would want me to restore by resting.  I could catch up here 

on another day.  

(Which is just what I did.)

Blessed be.

.           *          .

November Remembrance ~ Day 2 of 40

It's interesting that "Wrestle" came with today's names.

And that Blessing has a home snuggled up next

to St. Joseph right now.

A timely, visual reminder of 

Jacob wrestling with the angel

until he received his blessing.

Viola used to help with the family housekeeping

and meal preparation when my Daddy was a youngster.

As a teen, we re-connected with her 

and, on our first visit,

we began calling her 

Grandma Viola at my initiative.

(Always the Grandma magnet here :) )

Viola and I exchanged letters which delighted 

my pen pal's heart.

But. 

As our relationship drew on,

there was a lot of pressure coming from her 

about when and how often I wrote.

It got to the point where I felt resentful 

and didn't want to write to her anymore.

For whatever reasons, I was unable to let go.

So the reality is that there is some "ick" that arises 

when I think of her.

Ah, more wrestling to be done.  

Which is why I included her...

a gentle reminder that healing 

can and does continue after one of us 

has passed beyond the veil.

Dexter was my first angel.

The ambulance had just deposited me back in the hospital,

a place I did not want to be

but I was very sick so it's where I needed to be.

Being still so new to Georgia

and a brand new bride, I wanted to get on with my life.

I didn't want to have to continue to fight

the massive infection.

It was the worst I'd experienced

and second worst the doctor at Emory,

who traveled around the world teaching 

about how to treat big-time infections,

had ever seen. 

Sobbing from the excruciating pain 

(both the worst bodily pain I'd ever been in

but also deep, emotional pain) 

in my new bed on the wrong floor, 

Dexter arrived.

I held out my hand and he just held it 

for me as I cried, 

and I cried,

and I cried.

A couple of times I tried to stop crying

but he told me, "No!  You need to cry."

Not only was he right, 

he stayed with me until I was done.

Smiling softly as Wrestle fits for him, too.

The only time I ever saw him again

was the day his rotation ended.

He had come to apologize that he hadn't been

back to see me, saying that he just couldn't 

bring himself to come back.

A kind gesture to be sure.

And yet it didn't matter to me.

What *did* matter was he was there

when I most needed him to be.  

So while he may have wrestled,

I did not.

I tried to stay in touch with him,

she adds sadly, but he never wrote back.

So I let him go.  

I wish him well in his continued ministry.

Blessed be.

.           *           .

An Anniversary and Two Letters

Today marks my 13th anniversary of working at my company. (Brady Ware is the 

one that acquired us on January 1). 

Something I'm not sharing more publicly just yet is that today is also the day that 

I turned in my resignation. 

The company is moving our location to a new area on Sept 16 that, turns out, is just 

too far for me to drive. 

In fact, it was our managing partner, Teresa, who kindly took a few moments three 

weeks ago to pull me aside and say "the closer we get to our move date, the more 

and more concerned I'm getting about you." She's dreading the drive herself and also 

knows that, with my being permanently on crutches, I can feel pretty vulnerable 

(and anxious) behind the wheel and I that do my best to avoid heavy traffic. 

At her suggestion, hubby and I drove up there and it took *45 minutes* one way on 

a Sunday afternoon so that's without Atlanta traffic. 

Just that realization alone 

knocked the wind out of me. 

While it took me a couple more weeks to come to peace with it, I had a sense then 

that I'd need to let go. Before I did that, just like Jacob wrestled with the angel until 

he received his blessing (and walked away with a limp to remind him of the struggle), 

I asked all the questions I could possibly think of that would allow me to stay. Could 

I work 2 or even 3 days from home? (We were all issued laptops so it wasn't too far 

fetched). Could I be trained to do something else? Teresa was willing to consider all 

of my questions and even discreetly brought in a gentleman from the home office. 

In the end, it just wasn't going to work and I do understand and appreciate their 

reasons.

So today my supervisor and I traded letters. I gave her my sincere and honoring letter 

of resignation and she gave me a very kind letter of recommendation from Teresa. In 

fact, tears pricked as I read her glowing last review of me and my work.

I feel sad and I really, Really don't want to job hunt. 

I am also feeling a deep sense of peace about it all. 

So there we be ... 

Please know, kind friend, 

that I'm grateful for your witness. 

(Again)

❤️

.          *          .