Armfuls of Time

Rediscovered this book today.

And, 

man-oh-man,

was it exactly perfect timing.

Blessed be.

.          *           .

Savouring January 2018 - Day 20 - Grateful

Today (January 20) is the feast day of St. Sebastian, a special patron of mine. He's
the namesake of my beloved bear, given to me by my Moma on the occasion of my
sweet 16th birthday. Knowing she would be moving away soon, Moma wanted me
to have a friend to help keep me company thru the remaining difficult, long, and
lonely days of chemo. Smiling softly as neither one of us had any idea what a good
and faithful friend he would become (and has remained).

When looking for a name for my brand new bear buddy, I was trying on the usual
options like "Teddy." A friend who was visiting me in the hospital playfully
challenged me into being more creative.

At the time I was getting 2 iv's during every single chemo. The first was for the
life-saving medications and the other was for saline to help keep my body hydrated
while also helping to flush the dangerous drugs out of my system so that they didn't
stay too long and begin to damage healthy cells and tissues. Blood work was another

constant, monitoring my white blood cell count and other things.

These were the days before "ports" and so every single time an iv was put in or 

blood was drawn, there was at least one new needle. My veins were already fragile 

in the beginning and, over time, they had gotten pretty bad with all of the sticks 

plus the potent medications flowing thru them. It was getting rarer and rarer for it 

to take just one try.

When I learned about St. Sebastian's story and how he was once tied to a tree, shot 

full of arrows.. and *lived!,* I knew I'd found a name for my new bedside buddy. It 

comforted me knowing St. Sebastian had made it thru all of his arrow punctures and 

his story was a deep encouragement for me to hold on to Hope. Maybe, just maybe 

I would survive too.

. . . . .

Long after I was in remission, I kept Sebastian close. He continued to sleep with me 

every night, quietly catching my stories and dreams along with my laughter, fears 

and tears. Smiling playfully because, as stuffed animals often do, he became a 

member of our family, even going on mountain trips with us.

A friend once commented to me in passing that once I found a husband, Sebastian 

would have to be put up. Without missing a beat I retorted with a snort (this was 

serious business after all!) that "if my husband didn't understand about Sebastian, 

then he wasn't the man for me!"

Grinning now because I have family photos with him included and there *may* even 

be a picture or two of family members other than me napping with him. Yes, my 

sweet bear was/is a very special and comfortable sidekick.

Smiling softly as Sebastian no longer sleeps with me but that isn't because my dear 

Tadd doesn't understand. No, it's because my cherished companion was starting to 

get worn including some pretty big rips under his arms and I didn't want him to fall 

completely apart.

These days? My beloved friend rests in his place of honor on my closet shelf. When 

the door is open, as it often is, I can see him still watching over me as he has for 

(almost) 40 years.

Ah, yes....I am deeply, profoundly grateful for my soft, brown guardian angel. 

(And lookie what color is bandana is!)

Blessed be.

#SavouringJanuary2018

.           *           .

Hold on for the Miracles

It'd been awhile since I'd played with

my Soul Call Cards.

I didn't really have a question in mind

as I drew cards.

But as I did?

A warm smile spread.

It felt like the angels were confirming 

an experience from just yesterday.

I know, it can seem like

 a very tall Mountain at times.

But true Friendships are worth it

in the end.

Look carefully,

Weigh and Hold the tension,

Weaving (and remembering) the 

track record of good will

(when it's there)

leads to the 

Miracle of Restoration.

And Joy.

🌷  .  ✨  .  💖

.             *             .

Remembrance - Day 28 of 40

The Light of compassion 

on the first Sunday of Advent. 

💕

.           *           .

Remembrance - Day 11 of 40

Smiling that these two showed up together. Lalor will often say that her name rhymes 

with "Taylor."

.   .   .   .   .

I met Dennis in college thru a graduate research study he was doing on folks with 

Raynaud's Syndrome.  He wanted to see if this phenomenon, nicknamed the "patriot's 

disease" because our extremities turn red, white, and blue, might have a stress related 

component and, if so, could the symptoms be curbed with the use of biofeedback.  Turns 

out the answer to both is yes.  

He was a kind soul who I always knew cared about me as a person.  I was not just a 

means to an end for him.  It was a sad day several years ago when I tried to reconnect 

with him and discovered he had already passed before I could say thank you (again).

.    .    .    .    .

Lalor is the dear woman who led the book group that I faithfully participated in for as 

long as she did them.  She is a spiritual director and I always appreciated her willingness

to let us wrestle.  Her womb of an office was a safe place to bravely struggle through 

the books we read together and/or whatever was on our hearts.  

She also had a deep fondness for me, even as I struggled with the other members in

our group.  She loved me even when I found it hard to love.  And that meant the 

world to me.

.     .     .     .     .

The other interesting thing about these two and the word Restore arriving on the same day?  

I was tired and seeing the three together brought a very warm smile.  

Yes.  

I believed that both of them would want me to restore by resting.  I could catch up here 

on another day.  

(Which is just what I did.)

Blessed be.

.           *          .

Remembrance - Day 10 of 40

Gathering the Love

Cody was a kind soul who left our world too soon.  The last time I saw him was at my

uncle's funeral.  I'd always held a deep fondness and it'd been decades since we last

saw one another.  I was surprised to find him in tears as he hugged me.  Did he love

my uncle that much?

No, 

she says softly and tenderly.

Turns out he was that glad to see me.  Not long after my cancer was diagnosed as a 

teen his family moved away and he thought I had died many years ago.  So to him?

My standing in front of him and hugging him was a miracle!  What a blessing and 

very good reminder for me.  My life is a gift.

.      .      .      .     .

I love that these two came together.  Linda was one of the many "mamas" I gathered

around myself as mine had left.  She was a beautiful woman filled with love and, 

whenever she could, she took time to be with me.  As did many of the mothers of

the sons in our 4-H club.

Blessed be.

.               *               .

August Break 2017 :: Day 10 Lavender

Joyful wee companion quietly steadies, 

encouraging and cheering me on 

from her special sideline spot 

on the warm wooden heart table 

right here next to my chair. 

💜

#augustbreak2017

.         *         .

July's Gentle Giant . . .

. . .  and Grounded Guide

🌳

.         *             .

Quiet Constant Container

.        ❤️      .

.          *           .

A Gentle Reminder . . .

Be Here, Love

. . . 

Even when it's hard 

. . . 

And when you remember?

Return to what you know.

All will be well.

.         *          .

Trustin' in Grace and in The Wisdom of the Body

So I had a Lent themed book picked out but when it came time to order it, I was having 

trouble finding it. When a copy finally arrived on Tuesday, some of the pages are so messed 

up in places that I can't make out all of the words. While disappointed, after sitting with it 

for a bit, I knew.  It will need to be returned.

In the midst of all of that planning, this preordered book quietly arrived a couple weeks back. 

I remember smiling when I opened it to see more orange, and both the title and cover spoke 

to me. I then set it aside with a promise to return to it... later.

After reluctantly giving up on my first choice for a Lenten companion, I picked this one up 

last night and started reading.

And lookie what I found just in the intro of this book that so clearly chose me:

"You are beginning the long and beautiful journey home."

"The body speaks truth if we would only learn how to listen."

"... the body calls us fully present here and now."

..

Ah, she says as a wide smile spreads, if practicing Grounded means to practice being 

fully in this present moment, doesn't that mean being fully in my dear body as well?

Yes. 

🍊

#grounded2017

.            *             .

Savoring January Day 7 :: Move

While I'm pretty good at using kitchen counters, 

tables, and chairs to get around 😉, 

for longer and trickier trips, 

I'll call on my ever-present crutch companions, 

Bert and Ernie. 

#SavouringJanuary2017

.             *          .

Savoring January Day 5 :: Gentle

New little traveling companion gently reminding me to Abide.  

💕

#SavouringJanuary2017

.           *             .

Breathe September :: Quiet

Quiet Confidants

(Because, when I remember, 

I tell them what's on my heart 

and mind as I pass by 

and,

as they have for years, 

they just quietly 

stand, 

receive 

and hold space.) 

💕

#breatheseptember2016

.            *               .

Breathe September :: Nourish

As I often do, I pulled over close and since no one was behind me this morning, I stopped 

for just a moment to rest under the sheltering wings of my beloved 4 Sisters.

Smiling fondly because while I believe they bless me each and every time I pass under 

their branches, I think we all take pleasure when I pause and allow them to nourish me 

with their steady, ever-faithful presence.

Blessed be. 

💚

When I shared this photo and my thoughts over on Instagram, a friend left me the most

wonderful comment:

"There's a great book called Yearning for the Wind 

that suggests that as much as we long for Nature, 

Nature also longs for us. 

They know you're there."

❤️

🌳🌳🌳🌳

Yes.

#breatheseptember2016

.              *               .

Breathe September :: Weather

Twin Dogwood sisters weathering 

the last of the outermost bands of rain 

courtesy of Hurricane Hermine. 

Wishing all in her path comfort, safety, and peace.

#breatheseptember2016 

.             *             .

Prayer Partner

❤️

.                *                .

August Break :: Secret

Just looking at my carefully curated cup collection 

warms me to the soul, even before filling 

one with a warm, soothing beverage. 

And sometimes?  

When I need a little lift and it's too hot outside?  

I'll still allow one to choose me 

and fill it with either cool water or icy cold milk. 

#augustbreak2016 

.             *             .

August Break :: Sweetness

Summer Soul Sister

Silently, Softly Strengthens

#augustbreak2016 

.            *              .

July 29 :: Something Blue

Sweet little guardian companion, 

always watching over me as I drive 

(and when I ride). 

💙

.           *            .