Savouring January - Day 30 - Soft

Snuggly slippers

Velvety blanket

Soft afternoon light

Constant companions

Heartwarming fire

Blessed be.

#SavouringJanuary2018

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To Bless the Space Between Us - Do you see it?

(Because I didn't ... at first.)

So yesterday morning I was taking a photo of the picture of this dear young girl, 

my gentle teacher quietly reminding me to "Bless the Space Between [my sister, 

who has stepped w-a-y back from our relationship, and me]" propped up against 

the lamp right here next to my chair. Other than moving my clear little flowerpot 

shaped votive holder (reminding me to Cultivate Joy, my word for this year), 

I didn't move a thing.

Cropping my morning photo down to a square, I saw it.

Mary *is* looking out from behind "me." I love that she's a little above me, too,

so she can see both thru my eyes and also beyond me (for me).... she can see 

farther out than what I can see. Ah, yes... *She* can offer love to my sister and 

bless the space between us on the days when I simply cannot because the reality 

is sometimes the years-long space between us hurts.

And behind her is the gentle reminder, "Let Yourself Be Held", a tender piece 

I have loved (and clung to) for a very long time.

So then I pulled an angel card by cutting my deck: Close. I'm smiling again... *yes!* 

Mary, Mama Grace, and all of my aunties are indeed Close to me, gently caring for 

me, "looking out" for me (<-- so loving the double meaning of this one!), and watching 

over me - even when I don't/can't see or realize it.

Before tucking my angel cards back into their box, I happened to notice that right 

under Close was Mirror. I smiled to myself as I put the lid on my box and put it up 

so I could move into getting ready for my day.

A few moments later as I was showering, I thought, "No. Mirror does belong, too!" 

My little altar vignette is intentionally mirroring for me how to be (send love to my 

sister as best I can each day) and also what is happening (all my mamas and aunties 

are helping me). Then it brought a warm smile to remember that in a class I'm taking,

we were invited to look in an actual mirror.

So I went back and found Mirror and pulled it out.  

And the card under Mirror? 

 Root. 

Yes! That fits, too! My faith, which I've learned to practice with some grains of salt, 

has been a firm foundation for me. Plus looking tenderly into my eyes with the help 

of a mirror and speaking gentle encouragements to myself is something I've done

for decades. All of this, for me, is about returning to the basics... the Root of it all

Love

And under Root? 

 Receive.

Yes. 

♥ 

Sweet soul, it really is ok to simply allow Love to see thru me, let myself be held 

and trust that I am beloved and blessed.

It really, *really* is ok to simply Receive. Alls I hafta do is open my heart, as best 

I can in each moment, Pause and Let Love In.

Oh, and the Mother Mary oracle card I drew? 

Our Lady of Divine Presence.

Blessed be indeed.

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Savouring January - Day 26 - Warmth

Abiding in the assurance 

that there are guardian angels of the napping, 

both seen and unseen, 

gently keeping watch as I close my eyes, 

warms my heart 

and blesses my soul. 

❤️

#SavouringJanuary2018

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Savouring January 2018 - Day 20 - Grateful

Today (January 20) is the feast day of St. Sebastian, a special patron of mine. He's
the namesake of my beloved bear, given to me by my Moma on the occasion of my
sweet 16th birthday. Knowing she would be moving away soon, Moma wanted me
to have a friend to help keep me company thru the remaining difficult, long, and
lonely days of chemo. Smiling softly as neither one of us had any idea what a good
and faithful friend he would become (and has remained).

When looking for a name for my brand new bear buddy, I was trying on the usual
options like "Teddy." A friend who was visiting me in the hospital playfully
challenged me into being more creative.

At the time I was getting 2 iv's during every single chemo. The first was for the
life-saving medications and the other was for saline to help keep my body hydrated
while also helping to flush the dangerous drugs out of my system so that they didn't
stay too long and begin to damage healthy cells and tissues. Blood work was another

constant, monitoring my white blood cell count and other things.

These were the days before "ports" and so every single time an iv was put in or 

blood was drawn, there was at least one new needle. My veins were already fragile 

in the beginning and, over time, they had gotten pretty bad with all of the sticks 

plus the potent medications flowing thru them. It was getting rarer and rarer for it 

to take just one try.

When I learned about St. Sebastian's story and how he was once tied to a tree, shot 

full of arrows.. and *lived!,* I knew I'd found a name for my new bedside buddy. It 

comforted me knowing St. Sebastian had made it thru all of his arrow punctures and 

his story was a deep encouragement for me to hold on to Hope. Maybe, just maybe 

I would survive too.

. . . . .

Long after I was in remission, I kept Sebastian close. He continued to sleep with me 

every night, quietly catching my stories and dreams along with my laughter, fears 

and tears. Smiling playfully because, as stuffed animals often do, he became a 

member of our family, even going on mountain trips with us.

A friend once commented to me in passing that once I found a husband, Sebastian 

would have to be put up. Without missing a beat I retorted with a snort (this was 

serious business after all!) that "if my husband didn't understand about Sebastian, 

then he wasn't the man for me!"

Grinning now because I have family photos with him included and there *may* even 

be a picture or two of family members other than me napping with him. Yes, my 

sweet bear was/is a very special and comfortable sidekick.

Smiling softly as Sebastian no longer sleeps with me but that isn't because my dear 

Tadd doesn't understand. No, it's because my cherished companion was starting to 

get worn including some pretty big rips under his arms and I didn't want him to fall 

completely apart.

These days? My beloved friend rests in his place of honor on my closet shelf. When 

the door is open, as it often is, I can see him still watching over me as he has for 

(almost) 40 years.

Ah, yes....I am deeply, profoundly grateful for my soft, brown guardian angel. 

(And lookie what color is bandana is!)

Blessed be.

#SavouringJanuary2018

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First Eventide in 2018

(this scene soothes me so)

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Evening Mass - Feast of the Holy Family

The Christmas angels are back! 

❤️🎄❤️🕯❤️

Lighting candles tonight after mass,

 I asked darlin' hubby,

"who do you want us to light a candle for?" 

Without missing a beat,

he named our nephew who's birthday is today

(and a little auntie birdie tells me is struggling a bit).

🕯

So the third one from the left on the top row

is for him.

May he find Peace.

💙

.             *             .

Abiding and Adventing

.          *           .

Sweet Surprise

Received a sweet surprise from a kind stranger today.

Turns out, she says with a warm smile,

she's from my sister, Aimee, 

and her family.

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Remembrance - Day 35 of 40

It's such a blessed mystery 

when the right person shows up, 

sometimes seemingly from nowhere 

(or the Mist) 

in the very season in our lives that we need them.

Turning over the blue slip of paper this morning 

brought a big grin and a small squeal of delight. 

It's her birthday today! 

 She has definitely been an angel in my life. 

Blessed be.

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Remembrance - Day 33 of 40

Two folks who I have no doubt

have carried me in their thoughts and prayers

during the hard, feel-like-I'm-falling parts  

of my journey.

.         *          .

Winter Ballet Recital

Hubby and I had the pure pleasure 

of attending our sweet girlies' ballet recital this afternoon.

The class posing for us.

Our beauties are on the bottom row,

first and fourth.

Their teacher was making some opening remarks.

Showing us the steps they've learned.

All done!

Their surprise,

handmade with love.

.          *              .

Remembrance - Day 30 of 40

Two very special women 

who have tenderly held 

my breaking heart, 

aching body, 

and parched soul. 

Blessed be.

.            *            .

Remembrance - Day 29 of 40

I read recently that the cave of our heart is our soul 

and I do so love the song by that name 

by John Michael Talbot. 

.          *             .

Both of these women loved me in that tenderest of places... deeply and well. ❤️

And so we begin . . .

.                 *                .

Remembrance - Day 27 of 40

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?"

~ Mary Oliver

.          *           .

Remembrance - Day 23 of 40

Peace is a Journey

Faithful prayers 

and wise guidance 

helps light the way.

.            *              .

Remembrance - Day 17 of 40

So I had 4 babies I wanted to remember - 2 little girls and 2 little boys (daddy's big brother 

and my sister's sweet little one). I really loved the idea of putting them together.

And So loving that these special angel boys are paired with Dr Periman, my cancer dr.

I wasn't too sure about the word "consume" and almost put it back but I thought, no, it's the
word that chose me.  Just sit with it and see what comes.

Then I saw them all grinning at me... I felt AWFUL Monday night and all day yesterday,
throwing up twice, 8 hours apart. Yuck. I'm pretty sure it was the very acidic spaghetti
sauce I'd made with wine in it.

So between them and Archangel Ariel, I saw them wisely reminding me to use care in
what I watch, read, eat, and take in.

Yes.

As an aside, Tadd said "you can't hold your liquor, can you?" 😉 It's not the first time I've
gotten that sick after eating something with wine in it. The last time was after we ate out
to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary in FL.

.        *              .

Eventide Remembrance

.         *         .

Remembrance - Circles of Love

Continuing to bask in their love

and hold them close

as I draw more names.

.            *            .

Awaken to Love . . .

Another new-to-me archangel. 

Another new and welcomed traveling companion. 

Blessed be.

.             *             .