To Bless the Space Between Us - Do you see it?

(Because I didn't ... at first.)

So yesterday morning I was taking a photo of the picture of this dear young girl, 

my gentle teacher quietly reminding me to "Bless the Space Between [my sister, 

who has stepped w-a-y back from our relationship, and me]" propped up against 

the lamp right here next to my chair. Other than moving my clear little flowerpot 

shaped votive holder (reminding me to Cultivate Joy, my word for this year), 

I didn't move a thing.

Cropping my morning photo down to a square, I saw it.

Mary *is* looking out from behind "me." I love that she's a little above me, too,

so she can see both thru my eyes and also beyond me (for me).... she can see 

farther out than what I can see. Ah, yes... *She* can offer love to my sister and 

bless the space between us on the days when I simply cannot because the reality 

is sometimes the years-long space between us hurts.

And behind her is the gentle reminder, "Let Yourself Be Held", a tender piece 

I have loved (and clung to) for a very long time.

So then I pulled an angel card by cutting my deck: Close. I'm smiling again... *yes!* 

Mary, Mama Grace, and all of my aunties are indeed Close to me, gently caring for 

me, "looking out" for me (<-- so loving the double meaning of this one!), and watching 

over me - even when I don't/can't see or realize it.

Before tucking my angel cards back into their box, I happened to notice that right 

under Close was Mirror. I smiled to myself as I put the lid on my box and put it up 

so I could move into getting ready for my day.

A few moments later as I was showering, I thought, "No. Mirror does belong, too!" 

My little altar vignette is intentionally mirroring for me how to be (send love to my 

sister as best I can each day) and also what is happening (all my mamas and aunties 

are helping me). Then it brought a warm smile to remember that in a class I'm taking,

we were invited to look in an actual mirror.

So I went back and found Mirror and pulled it out.  

And the card under Mirror? 

 Root. 

Yes! That fits, too! My faith, which I've learned to practice with some grains of salt, 

has been a firm foundation for me. Plus looking tenderly into my eyes with the help 

of a mirror and speaking gentle encouragements to myself is something I've done

for decades. All of this, for me, is about returning to the basics... the Root of it all

Love

And under Root? 

 Receive.

Yes. 

♥ 

Sweet soul, it really is ok to simply allow Love to see thru me, let myself be held 

and trust that I am beloved and blessed.

It really, *really* is ok to simply Receive. Alls I hafta do is open my heart, as best 

I can in each moment, Pause and Let Love In.

Oh, and the Mother Mary oracle card I drew? 

Our Lady of Divine Presence.

Blessed be indeed.

.                 *                 .

November Remembrance - The Story & Day 4 of 40

So I had this idea. . .

And as wonderful ideas sometimes do, it's been blossoming into a lovely practice for this, 

the month of Remembrance, that blessed time of year when we intentionally remember 

our loved ones who have passed on.

I'm not sure, she says with a twinkling grin, why it never really occurred to this deep lover 

of the Communion of Saints before that *this* is the perfect time to honor and celebrate 

those I dearly love and a concept that speaks so deeply to my soul. This one is in my bones.

So! With next month being the 40th anniversary of the discovery of my bone cancer and 

my parents divorce, and a friend reminding me that 40 is a significant number in the Bible 

(the Israelites wandered for 40 years and Jesus fasted for 40 days), I wondered if I could 

come up with 40 beloveds that have been particularly close to my heart and touched my

soul over the years? And, if so, might I ask them to pray for and walk with me during this 

holy Anniversary time? 

Turns out, she says with a fond smile, that I came up with more than 40! (Who knew?!) 

As I was listing those treasured ones, dearies that have not yet passed (thank you, 

Mama Grace!) kept coming to mind as well. Smiling big as I remembered we are all a 

part of the Communion of Saints so why not? Could I come up with 40 treasured living 

souls as well? (Turns out there were more than 40 of those as well). So by this time, I'm 

feeling deeply grateful and tenderly held. 

I originally thought I would just make a list of those sweet souls and keep it close and that 

list is here, gently propped against the lamp (a light unto my feet). Then it dawned on me, 

why don't I also put their names on slips of paper - cream for departed, blue for still here - 

and draw one of each in the morning to see who in particular I might ask to spend that day 

of remembrance with me? Then I thought what if I chose a word and an angel card, too, 

and just prayerfully played with how they might all fit together?

With my box of words hanging out on the dining room table this morning, I drew my word 

first on my way here to my chair. "Hmmmm.. Trickster," I thought. Sitting down and settling 

in with my warm cup of creamy chai on this chilly, rainy autumn morning, I gently shook 

up my box of names and drew these 2 beauties out. I'm still grinning big as these two in 

particular had a wonderfully playful mischievous side. Tricksters of the very best kind indeed.

Blessed be. 

❤️❤️

.           *           .

November Remembrance - Day 1 of 40

Gina Pender was a very devout soul

and friend of our family. 

She strongly believed in and 

talked often about the importance of prayer 

- hers, mine and others.

There was never any doubt in my mind

that she was constantly praying for me. 

She was my encourager to continue praying 

even while I was struggling with bone cancer

and grieving the end of my parents' marriage.

A true light of Hope at a time 

when things were really, *really* dark.

She also made it possible for me to have

some of the actual holy water from the 

Our Lady of Lourdes shrine in France.

(I later passed the remaining water

to my younger cousin, 

who eventually died from cancer.)

Cathy Smith is a dear friend and sister

who I have laughed with, cried with,

and shared hearts with for 

more than 12 years.

Both of these precious women have 

been vessels to and for me...

in different capacities.

The first, passed beyond the veil, 

a vessel of prayer.

The second, still gratefully here, 

a vessel of empathy.

Both cherished vessels of love.

Blessed be.

.          *          .

Time for Refreshment

Feeling nauseated since yesterday morning, I went to see my doctor this afternoon. After 

the blood work (and letting the unanticipated tears fall that were rising), I was in the 

bathroom washing my hands having just collected a urine sample. 

Both the soft spraying sound and the way the water flowed gently over my hands was an 

unexpected moment of refreshment.

Being the last appointment of the day, I knew folks were waiting on me so I almost didn't 

notice. When I did notice, I almost didn't allow myself to take a moment to stop and let 

the water soothe me and my weary spirit.

Almost. 

In a moment of Grace, I reminded myself that it would only take a minute or two.... it 

really was ok to take time to tend to myself... and I stopped and let the water caress my 

hands.

Turns out, it was one of those things that 

this water baby didn't even know she needed....

... until the invitation to quench my parched soul 

presented itself.

Blessed be. 

💦

.          *            .

April Love 2017 :: Day 26 - Water

When dining out, my beverage of choice is almost always water. 

 What a pleasure to pair it this evening 

with a patio meal shared on a peaceful evening. 

#aprillove2017

.          *           .

Savoring January Day 4 :: Energy

Today's lunchtime nourishment included 

food for my body and food for my soul, 

both providing the energy I needed for this afternoon. 

#SavouringJanuary2017

.           *               .

Savoring January Day 2 :: [Visual] List

Preparing for a soothing soak

#SavouringJanuary2017 

.           *             .

Oranges 2

.            *              .

August Break :: Secret

Just looking at my carefully curated cup collection 

warms me to the soul, even before filling 

one with a warm, soothing beverage. 

And sometimes?  

When I need a little lift and it's too hot outside?  

I'll still allow one to choose me 

and fill it with either cool water or icy cold milk. 

#augustbreak2016 

.             *             .

August Break :: Beneath my feet

My feet (and me!) happily anticipating a leisurely soak 

in a warm, Sunday morning bath.  

It's the first in a long while 

... way too long for this water baby. 

🛀🏻

#augustbreak2016

.             *             .

August Break :: Sweetness

Summer Soul Sister

Silently, Softly Strengthens

#augustbreak2016 

.            *              .

Everyday Beauty :: Without Looking Through My Lens

This photo speaks to me of the blessed hope of Grace 

always knowing right where to find us. 

❤️

#everydaybeauty

.            *           .

Everyday Beauty :: Water

Being raised a farmer's daughter on the hot, dry and dusty plains of Texas, I came to know 

very early on that water was our lifeblood. Our family prayed for rain every single day and 

twice on Sunday as it was a regular petition at Mass.

We received so little that, rather than quarters or eighths, we counted rain in sixteenths and, 

during really dry times, we even counted it in hundredths. Every single, precious drop was 

celebrated and how much "moisture" we'd received was included as a regular highlight in 

letters to loved ones who lived states away. 

In a conversation with Daddy this past Sunday evening, he told me "they "claim" Amarillo's 

annual rainfall is 19-20". He then told me about a time when all that fell for an entire year 

was 6 inches!  I asked was he farming then and he said, "Yes. Nothin' grew that year." 

Don't let anyone tell ya that farmers', especially those in the Texas panhandle, aren't 

tenacious!

Here in Georgia we get about 50" a year and, even after moving away almost 29 years ago, 

raindrops on my windshield still feel very much like holy water sent straight from Heaven.

#everydaybeauty 

#handtohearteverydaybeauty

.               *                .

Everyday Beauty :: A Moment of Joy

Enjoying a scoop of Coconut Cream Pie ice cream 

(my new fave!) 

in a waffle bowl while relaxing in my swing 

on a quiet, summery Friday afternoon. 

Ah, bliss. 

#everydaybeauty

.               *            .

Morning has broken

Waking up this morning

and coming in to this scene 

brought a big, ol' contented sigh of relief.

Smiling, I started singing:

Morning has broken

Like the first day

Blackbird has spoken

Like the first bird

Praise for the singing

Praise for the morning

Praise for the springing

Fresh from the world 

~ song lyrics

.                  *                 .

Everyday Beauty :: Reflection

.                *             .

Everyday Beauty :: Something in My Hand

There's something very healing for me about taking an almost daily, "everyday" type photo.

I'm finding that it gently affirms for me that it really is ok to show up in my own life, notice 

the goodness and beauty that is there, and, when it feels right, to share my picture. To my 

delight, this is becoming a welcomed, gentle practice encouraging and reminding me to name 

my place and claim my (rightful) space on this beautiful earth of ours that we all (((share))).

I've invited my goddaughters to join me in revisiting some photo prompts from last year and yesterday's invitation was "Something in your hand." In response, I shared this photo with 

the caption:

"Something in my hand (and in the background 

are my crutches, things that are in my hands a lot)."

As I continued to sit with my Grace (<-- my fond nickname for my Higher Power) mug filled 

with warm, soothing chai tea, I remembered something that I so loved in Brene Brown's Self-Compassion course with Kristin Neff.

First, we did a review of the oldest part of our brain, our amygdala or reptilian brain, which, 

when triggered, automatically throws us into Fight, Flight or Freeze mode. They talked about 

how this part of our brain is the easiest to trigger and how it sees our self-criticism as a threat 

to our self-concept. (!!!) While self-criticism is actually a misguided (and unhelpful) attempt to protect us - it wants us to do good but beats us up as a way to try to help - our brain sees our 

self-criticism as an attack and tries to protect us from it(us) using Fight, Flee or Freeze!!

(wow.) 

I'd never thought about how self-criticism could be one of my (old) brain's way of Fight-ing 

what it sees as a problem - "You're doing that all wrong and people won't like you!! You better 

shape up *now*!!" It's simply my reptilian brain, or what I've come to see as the voice of the 

little girl who still lives inside my heart (so I want to use great care in how I refer to this part of 

my brain because she's simply doing the best she can and wants to help me, too) trying to keep 

me safe. Her methods aren't real effective, but still very well intentioned from her very young 

stance.

Pausing here for a moment to place my hand over my heart, close my eyes, and take in a deep 

breath. I want to honor for myself that this is very valuable and crucial info in my continued 

healing of the expectations (both inner and outer) placed on my young girl self to caretake my 

family at a very young (way too young) age.

They then talked about how we also have a Mammalian brain and, because mammal's babies 

are born helpless and need their mother's care for for a very long time, this part of our brain's automatic responses are Tend and Befriend.

Yay!!!!! :)

I *love* this so much and find so much Hope in it.

I had a Psychology professor who used to say All. The. Time. "When the emotions are high, 

the brain doesn't work." He'd always follow it with something like "we have to wait for our 

emotions to come back down before we can access our brain again."

While it felt deeply wise at the time, I didn't fully understand what he was trying to convey. I 

realize now that this fits in perfectly with what Brene and Kristin were talking about. When we 

are being taken over by our emotions and/or lost in our storyline (so when our reptilian brain is 

front and center), we *can't* access the wise part of our brain until we can find a little space 

from the Fight, Flight or Freeze response.

Yes.

And

so I'm not broken.

Here's the wonderful news: Kristin said there are ways that we *can* access our Mammalian 

system even when our sweet mind can't and/or isn't ready go there (and boy-oh-boy, do I know 

this one!).

Yay!!!!

Three things that "trigger" our Tend and Befriend responses are:

1. Physical warmth

    The example was given that a warm compress is more soothing than a cold one.

2. Gentle Touch 

    Kristin said not to underestimate the power of touch 

3. Soothing Vocalization 

    She said "tone is everything!" and also that the *universal* vocalization, 

    meaning across cultures, for compassion is "awwww." (!!!)

So, if we are stuck in strong emotion and/or our head's storyline, doing one or all 3 of these 

can help call our mammalian brain back online.

I'm sharing all of this, first because I love it *So. Much* (can ya tell?, she asks with a playful, 

twinkly grin).

And also because, while I always knew that holding a warm beverage was soothing (and the 

shape of the mug matters a lot for me!), after posting my photo yesterday morning, it occurred 

to me that holding and drinking a warm cup of tea is really about Tending and Befriending 

myself and practicing self-compassion thru warmth and gentle touch, all while taking exquisite 

self-care.

So is putting my hand over my heart. As an aside, one of the exercises they had us do was to 

close our eyes and spend some time trying out different comforting gestures to find what is 

most soothing for us because the same one won't work for everyone.

And so is taking 5 (or more!) deep breaths!

Isn't all of this about trying to make a little space while also Tending and Befriending?

Yes.

Smiling softly, fondly, warmly, thinking of that story of the tribe that encircles members that 

have lost their way and are acting out and the community bring them back home to themselves 

by singing their song to them. So rather than ditch or throw away a part of themselves, they 

love them back home.

Yes. 

♥

.             *             .

Breathe Deep

Rushing through my errands in an attempt to beat the darkening gray skies' threat of 

a heavy downpour any minute and the already building late Friday afternoon traffic, I 

whizzed by this eye-level shelf. 

Well, she adds with a grin, as fast as one can "whiz by" in a motorized cart.

Registering what I saw in passing, I backed up to "drink" in the wisdom 😉. 

A warm smile spread right there in the middle of the grocery store aisle lined with 

breakfast cereals, coffees, and teas as I welcomed and accepted the invitation to breathe 

deep.

Yes.

.              *              .

Touching Birthday Gift

On the afternoon that we celebrated

our May Sisters Birthday and Mother's Day,

my sweet girlie wanted to paint my nails.

So, of course, I said yes. 

💕

#touchismylovelanguage

.              *              .

Being Seen :: Mirror Meditation

Ever since I bought it over 3 years ago for my first time taking Liz's mirror meditation 

e-course, my black, handheld mirror has been right here beside my blue chair. Because of 

our visit to Texas to see my family last week, today is the first day I've actually taken some 

time with it since we began. 

Having been at it awhile, I've come to deeply appreciate this practice and it brought a soft 

smile to really see myself again this afternoon.  Smiling because as soon as I looked at my 

reflection I found myself greeting my eyes with a warm "hello there!"  

I like this picture and I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the black side can be used 

as a mirror too!  I really love that my quartet of guardian angels surrounding my sweet red 

oil lamp (my little altar reminding me of my word for this year, Abide) can be seen in the 

image as well. 

I wanted to tuck in a little encouragement, too, since I really do know that it can be quite 

uncomfy to take self-portraits, especially at first. 

For whatever it's worth, finding new ways and angles to take photos is like creative play 

for me. I just happen to be the subject. 😉  And for this eldest girl child, who has spent 

a lifetime focusing on seeing others and tending to their needs first (and often 

"exclusively"), this has been a very good practice for me. 

I also wonder if focusing on composition (how I'm setting up the photo - so what gets 

included in the frame and what doesn't) helps to take some of the pressure off. 

As I press "post," know that I am sending a little love to all of us as we find our way 

... together.

 ❤️

.               *              .