Anchors of Change

Awake in the wee hours Thursday morning,

I pulled images from a magazine that drew me.

That evening, I put them together in a collage.

(This mandala is my 98th)

I kept reading "Authors" as

"Anchors"

and that feels right.

All are pearls of wisdom when walking thru big changes

like I am both at work 

and in my family of origin.

Rest

Say yes 

(to listening well and to what feels right)

Be in the now

Believe 

Simple Beauty

⚓️️    .     💙    .     🙏🏻

.          *            .

August Break :: Red

Paper clip and heart mandala

(Simply stand still and shine)

 ❤️

#augustbreak2016

.            *             .

July 13 :: Photo at an Angle

Cherish Heart(s)

💕

.          *         .

It was interesting to notice How. Much. I. Struggled. with this prompt!  I had such a hard 

time settling on something I was willing to let be at an angle.  

The angel hanging from my rear-view mirror?  No. She looks like she's flying crooked. 

My mug?  Nope. Looks like my water will all spill out. 

The trees on my way home? Well, that's jus' wrong!  🙃

And those are all photos I actually tried!!  😉

It's all grist for the mill.  

💕  

Meaning it's good to be aware of my discomfort and, when I can, it never hurts to try 

nudging myself a little bit outside my comfort zone. 

And on the days when I just can't because I find order to be a soothing comfort that 

I need?  

Well, that really is ok, too. 

Because you know what?  There will always be another opportunity. 

.             *           .

July 01 :: Selfie # 1

Smiling warmly as my goddaughter and I started a new month of photo prompts. This time 

she found our list. 

It was so sweet when she sent it to me. The prompt for the 7th is "swim suit" and knowing 

my leg is pretty scarred from my cancer journey and all of the surgeries, she assured me 

that I didn't have to do that one.  Such a thoughtful, 13-year old dear girl. 

And we'll see what I come up with. Part of what I enjoy about working with a list of prompts 

(when I have the room and energy) (because I don't always) is nudging myself to be creative 

and think a little outside of the box. 

And. I'm sensing she is pushed so hard by her well-meaning dad to excel at golf (which 

he coaches at the high school) that I see our long-distance "play" as not only an opportunity 

to connect but for both of us to practice trustin' that we are Enough just as we are as well. 

Yes. 

(Grateful for this safe space where I can quietly name all of this)

.             *           .

Morning has broken

Waking up this morning

and coming in to this scene 

brought a big, ol' contented sigh of relief.

Smiling, I started singing:

Morning has broken

Like the first day

Blackbird has spoken

Like the first bird

Praise for the singing

Praise for the morning

Praise for the springing

Fresh from the world 

~ song lyrics

.                  *                 .

Everyday Beauty :: A Self-Care Move

.             *             .

Eventide Swinging

The view from my swing.

After doing some yardwork this afternoon, 

we sat and swang for a bit.

I do love him so!

.             *              .

Being Seen :: Voice

I misread the time for our nephew's tee-ball game this morning (by 2-1/2 hours!), not 

realizing it until I pulled into the parking lot and didn't see any 7-year old's wearing orange 

shirts and gray pants. 

I'd been feeling a longing to do some more processing via writing about our recent trip to 

Texas so rather than drive the 25 minutes back home, I went to a nearby store and bought 

a cute polka dotted spiral notebook (on sale!), a pen, and a bottle of water. I then parked 

under a nearby tree and wrote 6 pages, front and back. 

Wanting to capture and honor the memory of this self-care move, I took several selfies. 

In looking back at what I had, a wide smile spread to see the sunlight reflecting off a 

nearby car. That it highlighted my mouth felt like a gift. 

Yes. 

For me, writing is a very real way 

for my voice and my heart to Be Seen. 

💕

.               *                .

April Love :: Day 29 :: Sanctuary

Dear Sanctuary,

Feeling frazzled and fried from a tough interaction at work and sensing a need for some 

soothing water time yesterday afternoon, I drove by my favorite little pond, a few 

neighborhoods down. This was the first time I've actually ever gotten out and, sitting on 

a cheerful red metal bench near water's edge, I took it all in.

Mallard ducks and Canadian geese swimming and snacking, smooth as glass water except 

for the ripples around my feathered companions, gentle splashing as one of them took a 

bath using a nearby bush as a shower curtain, and the big, beautiful, sky-blue bowl of sky 

holding all of us. 

A warm smile spread as I noticed the deep, calming breaths start to rise and fall 

on their own. ❤

That blessed pocket of Sanctuary was exactly what I needed in that moment to begin 

the unfolding which continues this morning. 

Sometimes it just takes a while, yes?

Yes.

Gratefully, 

Debbie

who is Abidin'

#aprillove2016

.                *               .

April Love :: Day 8 :: Dear Younger Me

Dear Younger Me,

who still lives inside my heart, 

We've walked through the fire, you and I, haven't we?  Despite the tough times, and some 

were *so* much harder than others, under Grace's care and your watchful eye, I am still alive 

and well. 

Who you are

and 

what you did  

helped save me. 

Of this I have no doubt. 

You can let go of the reigns, sweet girl, and run go jump and play now, trustin' that I've got 

this. Yes, she says with a playful smile, some days you may wonder if that's true and that's ok. 

(Some days I wonder, too 😉)

There is still so much to learn and do. Please continue to be patient with me as it just might 

take me some time (learning curves are like that) but I'll figure it out. 

There's nothing more for you to do but sit back, rest, and enjoy the ride, all while continuing 

to be your darlin' little self. 

As you settle in, please know that I am smiling softly your way, deeply grateful for all you've 

done over the years in the name of taking good care of us. I am better for it. 

Blessed be.

💞

#aprillove2016

.          *           .

Looking with Love

Grinning because I am loving this new-to-me angle of 

"arms length from above" for self-portraits!

Looking at myself with love this afternoon was such a well-timed gift for me. 

Today found me setting more uncomfy boundaries in another arena in my life. 

The bottom line for me is I want to show up for myself, 

continuing to build trust with the little girl who still lives inside my heart. 

So I did it, all while deep breathing my way thru 

and gently reminding myself that I am being very Brave. 

Yes, at times it's a little rough around the edges. 

The reality is this is still fairly new behavior for me, after all. 

So then it becomes an invitation to practice trusting that for today? 

It is Enough. 

I am Enough. 

'Sides, she adds with a twinkle, 

I know I'll get better with practice. 

In this moment, I am deeply proud of myself 

for making space and room for me in my own life, too. 

Yes. 

.               *             .

Abide

Peace was my word for 2015. She was good company and an important teacher who, as with all of my prior words (Grace, Mercy, Enough, and Hope), I intend to keep close by for her special, individual way of support and guidance.

For a couple of months I had thought my word for 2016 might be "Rest." So much so that I started the process of looking for a mug with Rest on it and a Rest quote to add to my email signature quotes to serve as visual anchors.

In recent days, "Abide" has shown Herself to me.  I remembered this photo that I took back on August 3, 2013 and, as I was sharing it with a class I was in then, the word "abide" just showed up and seemed perfect. 

Earlier this week I circled up my 4 new beautiful sister angels (a Christmas gift from hubby) in a spot where I can see them from here in my blue rocking chair. I knew they would remind me of the picture I've always held in my heart of all of my word companions as wise women who stay with me and surround me, each one lovingly offering me her gifts of wisdom. 

My sweet little oil lamp in the middle feels like a gently profound reminder to place myself 

--- to Abide -- 

in their wise presence.  Sure, I can Rest there if/when I need too, but the bigger, more important question for me feels like *where* and in *what* am I resting? *Where* am I putting my Trust? 

*Where* am I choosing to Abide?

And sitting with and seeing my sweet altar of angels for the past several days? 

And listening to Amy Grant sing "Abide with me," a song I have come to love? 

And the tears began to fall?

Yes. 

That's when I knew.

Abide has gently taken my hand and asked me to dance, and we are waltzing into the new year together. 

.            *            .

Beauty's Bubble Bliss

It's such a delight to watch her embody her middle name, Joy.

❤️

.            *            .

Blessing Basking :: Day 15

Today I am grateful for a much needed Sunday afternoon nap.

.             *             .

Stark Beauty

(She's ready for Winter)

.             *             .

WOYH :: Small Scrapes and Bruises

This is my third time to take Kira Elliott's Writing to Open Your Heart workshop and I'm *really* enjoying the writing, companionship, and Kira's gentle way of helping to put the writers at ease and providing a safe container for us.  

I wanted to share my favorite piece that came out of last night's writing prompts.

From Memory or Imagination, write about Small Scrapes and Bruises

She’d had a lot done and so she was used to the big scars on her body… well, mostly. These new ones were so small she wasn’t really even sure they should count. Still, the hairline red scrapes and purple-yellowish bruises weren’t going away and it had been 6 weeks since she fell.

Sipping her almost-too hot chamomile tea, she sunk a little deeper into her deep blue tweed covered rocker recliner. This morning ritual of hers was one of the deep pleasures in her life. Setting her cheerful hand-painted mug with the bright red poppies down, she leaned back, closed her eyes and started to rock. It brought a soft smile to her face to hear the old familiar creak as the chair, which used to be her father’s, soothingly rocked back and forth. Almost without thinking about it, she gently rubbed the fingers of her left hand over the still tender places on her right forearm.

Taking a deep breath, she welcomed a moment to savor the calming effect of her quiet time before her busy day started. While it wasn’t easy at first, with time, practice, and patience, she had gotten quite good at letting everything that was tugging at her be while she relished these few precious minutes. Grinning to herself, she was actually proud of how some days? It had become a game, this letting things be just as they are. What was it her mama used to always say to her? “Girl, this ain’t brain surgery. You can let loose of that one!”

As they always did, thoughts of her mother brought a whole basket of bittersweet memories to her heart. Gracious, she missed her mama! Had it really been almost 19 years ago that she died from liver cancer? Some days it felt like it all happened yesterday.

Taking a peek at the clock, she realized she only had five more minutes. Well, unless she skipped her morning shower, as she often did. Weighing the day ahead and the refreshment she was gaining by just rocking and being, she decided to sit for another 15 minutes.  But after that she knew that she absolutely had to get up and get started on the rest of her day. 

.            *             .

A Daddy's Love

In the arms of my Daddy.

Saying good-bye at the airport, he's holding me as I cry

while patting me and speaking the soothing words

he knows to say.

While it sometimes feels like he's trying to stop me 

because I'm "too big" once again

(and there is probably a piece of that in there

as my emotions are much deeper than 

he knows how to care for and tend),

this morning I realize 

that it may just be 

that he's trying to help get me buttoned back up 

so that I can leave him

and head home.

(tears)

.            *            .

My Daddy flies in this afternoon for a visit with his girlfriend, Brenda.  While hubby and I usually fly back annually, this is his first trip over in 12 years.  He turns 75 in December, so part of me is very aware that this may be his last trip here.  

In preparation, I've been quite busy over the last few months physically getting ready by cleaning, tidying, and letting go of things and our house feels so good.  Last night in our writing group without fully realizing it, I was emotionally and spiritually preparing by writing the piece below.  Our prompt was:  "From memory or imagination, write about a fragment."  As I read it to our group, I was surprised by the tears that arose... well, perhaps not really.  Tweaking it just a bit, tears arise again this morning.

.            *             .

With a flourish she adds the final swirls of the billowy chocolate frosting on the rich, Devils food cake and steps back for a moment to admire her work.  She loves to bake and these last touches are her favorite part. 

Smoothing a stray strand out of her eyes, she thinks to herself, “maybe a fragment is enough.”  She’s made the last 20 of her father’s 75 birthday cakes and, deep down, she knows that he does love her.  Maybe it’s not to the depth she’d like and perhaps it isn’t to the extent that he loves her other siblings (or is it a simple matter of “able to show?”), but he’s always hugged her warmly when they greet after being apart.

Absent mindedly licking the sweet icing off of the side of her hand, she remembers the day in the airport many years ago, one of the few times she’s ever seen her father cry, and it was as he was saying, “I really want to get out to see you again, sis.”  Remembering that “sis” is his fond name for his girls, she smiles softly and, in the moment, she knows in her heart that, in his own, imperfect way, he does love her.

Can that fragment be enough?  Gathering the measuring cups and spoons into the now empty white, glass mixing bowl, she reminds herself that this might be the last time he ever comes this way.  Can she let what slice of love she has glimpsed over the years, be Enough?

She sure hopes so and she knows that only time shall tell.

.             *             .

Grateful for your witness.

Your warm thoughts, love and prayers 

over the next 5 days would be most welcome.

.            *             .

Dappled Sunshine

So love dappled sunshine

It's still hot here

but

Fall is definitely on her way.

Yay!!

It was so lovely 

to take a few moments this afternoon

before starting my errands 

to stop and bask in the beauty.

.              *             .

5 Deep Breaths in the Early Morning

Have something on my heart 

(and churning in my belly) 

so this is a very good time 

to practice 

seeing if I can create 

some space for Peace. 

The results are mixed . . . 

which is the whole point in practicing, yes?

Yes. 

❤️ 

On a side note, 

the original photo 

was so dark I could barely see myself 

so I enjoyed playing 

with Instagram's settings 

to lighten it up a bit. 

Hmmmm . . . 

Being "barely able to see myself" 

in the midst of this 

feels pretty important. 

.            *             .

Everyday Beauty :: Water

Catching some of today's happy tears.

.            *            .