A New Dance, A New Hope

My word for this year is Hope and, as I've shared before, it was a real surprise to find "Her" snuggled up here next to me around Thanksgiving.  The truth is Hope has never been a word that I’ve really used or, quite frankly, trusted.

Because of some things that are happening in some of the lives of those I love, what I’m beginning to really understand and appreciate is that in order to truly practice Hope, I have to begin by first letting go of *false* hopes.

It is dawning on me (I'm having a spiritual awakening) that there are some things that I didn’t necessarily realize I've been pinning my "hopes" on that I am beginning to see, given the circumstances and the people involved, really aren’t possible.

(Well, no wonder Hope never felt real for me … because it wasn’t.)

I am ready and willing to let go of false hopes.  Smiling softly because they've been with me for a really long time so it may very well take some time and patience.  With Grace's help, I will simply do the best I can in any given moment, Mercy-fully trusting that this is Enough.

My intention is to practice gently and calmly turning my eyes and my heart towards living into a true and trustworthy Hope.  Smiling softly because this feels very right and powerful, like a refreshing invitation into a new, beautiful and much more honest dance with Hope.

Hmmm... in light of all of this, the picture above has an even deeper meaning for me.  It's now a very real and poignant visual reminder that I want to remember to keep turning my face, my heart, and my body towards the light of true Hope.

Please help me in my journey, Mama Grace and Auntie Mercy?

Yes, dear girl.  We are both right here beside you (still).  We remain your loving, faithful, trusted (and trustworthy!) guardians, lighting the way.

And, yes!  You can Hope in -- and dance with -- us.

I am deeply grateful.

.     *      .

Thankful - Take 2

We've had 2 snow days!

So thankful that we could both be in

where it's warm and dry

with the scent of chili simmering 

in the crockpot

and fresh bread smells

wafting from the bread machine.

Grateful, too, for some more time

to rest

and be

and heal

(physically and emotionally).

.     *      .

Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

1.  Beautiful new burlap and ribbon "Thankful" bunting, thought-filled perfect gift.

2.  Feeling much more myself after a thankfully early-caught case of pneumonia.

3.  Quiet Tuesday morning with room to rest and be and write.

4.  Soothing gurgling vaporizer, moistening air and dry sinuses.

5.  Darlin' hubby who loves so much with that very big, dear heart of his.

6.  Snapchat bringing welcomed everydayness with a dear long-distance sister.

7.  Felt relief from tidied house.

8.  Joy of anticipated snow.

9.  Ease of team-spirit at work.

10.  The life of a kind co-worker of hubby's.  May he rest in peace,

.     *     .

Weary

Breathing in a moment of Grace

while recovering from pneumonia

Even a small case, takes time...

and I'm starting to feel weary from it.

This week I intend to take

extra gentle care of myself

by being with and allowing room

for the weariness,

all while tending to myself

by resting and trusting

that I am doing the best I can

in each moment.

Writing this out

actually brings tears this afternoon ....

during other

much, *much* bigger illnesses,

I wasn't able to attend and allow

like I want to tenderly practice this week.

 

Ah, she says with a soft smile,

an invitation to practice my word for the year, Hope. 

 

.     *     .

Happy Third Birthday!

Our sweet girl turned 3 today.

We had a lovely time at her

Minnie Mouse / Daisy Duck party.

May she have many, many more!

.     *     .

This Girl, She . . .

This girl, she ragged daisy

     not always well-tended.

This girl, she story of faith

     birthed from battle scars

     mirror of sacrament.

This girl, she hoarse heart, 

     begs deep alchemy.

This girl, she longs for sheltering nest

     warm feathered bed

     lush leafy canopy

     soothing mama song

     refreshing breeze

     nourishing rest.

.     *     .

Note:  the prompt, "This girl, she …" is from our December Water Your Soul e-course by the lovely Liz Lamoreux

Blessings and Books About Blessings

Per doctor's orders, I was home with a slight case of pneumonia for three days this week. Both Wednesday and Thursday afternoons I took a hot bath with my very favorite soaking-in-the-tub book, "An Altar in the World," by Barbara Brown Taylor. As I started at the beginning again (I usually read about a chapter a bath ) I thought about you all and wondered if you might like to know about this gently wise book (if you didn't already).

The last chapter in her book is called "The Practice of Pronouncing Blessings" and it's really quite beautifully written (as is her style). If you're interested, I was tickled to find the chapter excerpted here.

There's another story from her chapter "The Practice of Wearing Skin" that is also quite powerful. In it she talks about a workshop that she led called "Embodied Wholeness" where the folks broke into small groups and each one brought one of the beatitudes to life. When the (so happened to be) all women group acted out "Blessed are those who mourn" it became an unexpectedly moving experience …. both for them and for those watching …. true holy ground. Smiling softly because I weep every. single. time. I read it. In fact, it touched me so much so that several years ago I typed it out for myself so that I could refer to it whenever I needed to, wherever I was.

Speaking of blessings, I asked for the book, "To Bless the Space Between Us" by John O'Donohue for Christmas and have been enjoying it.  I so love the idea of having a blessing for everything.

Smiling because I'm really warming up to the idea of writing my own blessings and how this could be a lovely way to practice Hope, my word for this year.

.     *     .

Dancing with Hope in 2014

Hope, my word for 2014,

was a bit of a surprise.

Because of some things

that happened a long, 

lo-o-o-o-o-ong 

time ago,

Hope has 

never 

been an easy word 

for me.

Or, 

to be quite honest,

one I had much use for,

especially in my teens. 

I sense her companionship

in the coming year might just be

an invitation to heal

in some deeply meaningful ways.

I am willing and feeling ready.

Smiling softly because Hope began

gently knocking 

on the door to my heart,

asking for this dance,

around Thanksgiving

and we are settling in nicely.

When thinking of song lyrics, 

as encouraged in our 

One Little Word project,

the song, 

I Hope You Dance,

by LeeAnn Womack 

one that I love so much 

was the first one 

that came to my heart.

And then I remembered the selfie above

from last summer.

Uneven legs 

are a quiet, 

constant 

reminder 

of my 36-year old cancer journey

(a large part of my 

keeping Hope at arm's length).

Several years ago,

a kind friend called my left 

a "dancer's leg."

This fond image seemed perfect

to begin my dance with

Hope.

As I played with the picture

in PicMonkey

I smiled at thought of me 

dancing in the arena 

of my life.

And

I want to do so,

as best I can in each moment,

while daring greatly.

.     *     .

Adding an afterthought . . . 

The thing I miss 

the very most

about being permanently on crutches

(to the point of *aching* at times)

is dancing 

the Texas-Two Step and Waltzes.

So

it's a very real blessing

to be able to 

tenderly, 

intentionally

reclaim 

the gift of dance

in some small way.

Missin' My Moma . . . Again

She died on Epiphany, 17 years ago

and her birthday is January 15.

Is it really any surprise?

Nope.

Dear Moma, 

I miss you so much

and I love you.

Wish I could hear your voice 

(and the sound of your walk!)

and feel your hug

one more time.

Love,

Your daughter,

Debbie JoAnn Grace

who is trustin' in her Mama Grace, 

her Auntie Mercy, 

Enough, 

and now Hope

(and who is taking great comfort in the idea

of being surrounded by all of these

strong, kind-hearted, supportive "women")

.     *     .