Last month I signed up for
I Choose Authentic Joy, the most recent "healing wave" e-course by
Kristin Noelle. While I knew, because of some other commitments, that I would probably fall behind in the course, I have so enjoyed her e-courses and really wanted to take this one "live," if at all possible. Sure enough, as time went by, even with it being only 11 days, I found myself getting farther and farther behind and, even tho I expected it, I felt sad about it.
While I've dabbled a bit before, this is the first time I've given myself permission to fully take the time I needed to catch up in an e-course, including posting to our class's private Facebook group. It's been interesting to notice that, as I've been allowing myself to take this wave slowly and at my own pace, I'm finding the thoughts arising in me and that I'm sharing in our group seem to flow right into the next day's lesson that I haven't read or watched yet.
When I acknowledge and step past the shame gremlin of "being so far behind" and make space to simply allow what's naturally arising to bubble up (I want to work thru this e-course!), I'm feeling a warmth of being "on time" and it's so good in a calming, tender way. Affirming, too.... ah, so maybe I'm not so behind in my life and/or whatever areas are pulling on me, like listening well to my wise soul. Maybe there's still Hope.
There's a verse in the Bible that a wise one brought to my attention years ago about the "groaning" of being human. We aren't all that we can and could be yet and so a part of us groans at the knowledge of that awareness. I was so grateful for my friend reminding me that this *is* a part of our natural experience of being human, too. And what a gift to allow ourselves to simply to be with it, and more fully, honestly, with ourselves, too. This gentle tending feels sacred to me.
Each of our lessons has a video and in the one for day 8, Kristin talks about how we don't have to know (and get lost in) the big picture of it all. We can simply listen to what our soul is longing for and make a small move towards that. And when I do? It is so very sweet.
Smiling softly because I'm also behind in another e-course I took in June. It's one on mandalas that I am really, *really* drawn to. Out of the 30 lessons, I've worked my way thru the first 4 of them. Grinning now because I was working on my 39th mandala since June 1 yesterday evening. I am going to *town* on this and loving it so much. And it's so nice to know that, there, too, I am welcomed to go at my own pace. Somehow I knew I'd love mandala making and I so do! So, for now, opening my notebook to a fresh page and, surrounded by my markers and colored pencils, just beginning is enough. Because it's so important to me I know that, eventually, I will get back to the lessons. And maybe, just maybe, I will find myself just as on time there, too.
In the meantime, it's been *such* an amazing affirmation of how the wisdom really does arise (still) as I simply show up to the page. As I pull out my compass and draw my initial circle, I never know how one of my mandalas will turn out which has been quite fun because there have been some lovely, Lovely surprises.
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