Already!

As I drove by the twin Dogwood tree sisters, 

Grace and Mercy, 

this morning I was surprised to see 

that they've quietly started 

their glorious dress change for the Annual Fall Ball. 

🍁

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August Break 2016 :: Leaf

Wee yellow beauty winking from the rain soaked cement. 

Quiet reminder that the seasonal wheel continues to turn. 

💛

#augustbreak2016

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Honoring My Ancestors

I'm taking Sacred Seasons: A Yearlong Journey Through the Celtic Wheel of the Year and, for whatever reasons, I've only managed to work my way thru every other season so far....  Perhaps next year I'll work thru the ones I'm not getting too this time around. I *love* the idea of staying with this process and circling back year after year (after year). Being both a cradle Catholic and a farmer's daughter, without my fully realizing it until recent years, the rhythm of the seasons calls to me *deeply*... like from my bone marrow. So, she says with a soft smile, I shall continue to show up when and how I am able, all while practicing trusting that it is Enough.

I *loved* our Samhain materials!!!! The Communion of Saints has always been an important concept to me and this season's reflections in particular have felt timely and so on point for me.  I'm also taking Honoring the Saints and Ancestors which expands further on November being a month of remembrance

Last week I made this photo collage for my altar space. Please allow me to introduce you to some of my ancestors... :)  Clockwise from the top left: Moma, Grandma D (Daddy's mom), Grandma P (hubby's grandmother who called me her own), and Grandma M (Moma's mom). So much about this gathering of spirits and the way they are circled speaks to me. Even tho we had some really *hard* differences and deep pain in our relationship, Moma was the biggest and best influence on me and the same clockwise direction is the order of the depth of closeness I feel for each woman. 

Once I had the photo printed, it was interesting to me to notice how Grandma M's photo is the fuzziest and that is really fitting.  It wasn't a conscious choice at all,  it was just because I enlarged it the most. As a teen and into my twenties (and later), because she couldn't be for me like my other Grandma, I kinda discarded her.  That feels harsh and sad to say but it's the truth.

I love my little altar space with my photo, candle and sweet angel with the words on her dress reminding me "Angels are sent from above to ease our Sorrows, strengthen our Faith, and lighten our Hearts."  Each carefully chosen item reminds me the women in my family are all right here, still with me and loving me, some in ways that they never could while we were both on this side. (We can't give what we've never received)

My sense is this is the year for me to gently open to welcoming Grandma M back into my heart and practice gathering up and appreciating what she *was* able to give me. For instance, right after we discovered I had bone cancer in my left hip, 38 years ago next month, they kept me pretty drugged up on morphine and it was horrible. It was *this* Grandma, an LVN nurse, someone I didn't think ever really saw or knew me, who took one look at me in the hospital bed and said, "she shouldn't be acting like that." It was then that they backed off the medication and the awful drug trips stopped.

She was my advocate.

In recently looking thru an old, cheerful, multi-colored cookie tin of my Grandma D's that I keep especially cherished mementos in, I was surprised to find a letter from Grandma M. While it did surprise me she'd written a two page birthday letter to me (we lived in the same city), I was more struck by the fact that I had actually saved her letter. As I read her words, tears rose.... she was reaching out to me in love and offering her support.  What was even more amazing to me was she had written it before our family fell apart when my parents' divorced and my cancer was discovered 7 months later.  In my heart of hearts, I have no doubt that she was probably one of my most faithful pray-ers thru that very difficult time. Indeed, she so freely gave to me from what she had available to give.

As an aside, that seems to be my growing edge right now.... looking for and accepting the love that is there in what is being offered to me, even if in imperfect ways.  This is turning out to be a healing and achingly beautiful process.  We are all human after all and so anything any of us offers will be imperfect to some degree.

So I know that Grandma M is the one in particular that I am meant to walk this month of remembrance with. I also learned recently that St. Martin de Porres ministered to those on the fringes. I was sitting in daily Mass at the time and was moved to tears because I've often felt like I was on the fringes and I wonder if Grandma didn't feel that way, too.  So... she says with a twinkle, unlikely threesome that we are, we are journeying together this November. 

On Sunday I made this collage in honor of Grandma M. A special thanks to my new friend, Bev, for her gracious permission to use her beautiful photo on the top left of Mary quietly, faithfully watching over the candles and the intentions they were lit with. 

I don't have many photos of Grandma so I plan to do some asking... later. The one in my piece was taken the day of Grandpa's funeral and she is surrounded by grandchildren (I am in the peach colored dress). It warms my heart to see her feeling content in that moment with all of us (and all of her children outside of lens range) gathered around her. We are in the backyard and her big vegetable garden is behind us. She loved growing flowers, too, and I remember as a young child being so "b-o-r-e-d" as we walked all around her house so she could show Moma and us kids with great delight all of the different flowers she was growing in her *many* beds.

(How I wish I could walk with her today and really listen to and celebrate what made her heart sing).

So it feels time, with Mary watching and praying, and "Spirit between" us to "Gather Beyond Time" in Hope (my word for 2014) and Peace (this year's word) with me "warming up," practicing "mercy" (2013's word), and "softness at home" (in my heart).

The owl speaks to me of another wise one, awake and ever-watchful, even and most especially in the darkest of times. 

The beautiful trees in the lower right are some very special friends that, over the last 7 years, I have taken to see as my Guardian Angels. These 4 lovelies live on a little island in the middle of the small side street on my way to work and I've named them after the archangels. Michael is featured and you can see a part of Gabriel.  Even tho Raphael and Uriel aren't shown, I know they are there, still watching over us, too.

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Imbolc Mandala Prayer Collage

So Saturday I rested

(and rested).

I also played with my Mandala Prayer Collage, 

a part of the Imbolc mini-retreat in my new Celtic-based e-course, Sacred Seasons.

I am *so* looking forward to the year-long rhythm of following 

and honoring the seasons within a community!

It speaks deeply to my farmer's daughter, 

cradle Catholic heart.

I loved the instruction to work within a circle *and* to use only one magazine, both exercises meant to nudge me to intentionally prioritize.  It was a very good and timely lesson for me to practice discerning and listening for Enough.  Knowing in my *bones* that I'm ready for some attention to what is growing inside of me, I chose a February magazine thinking it would probably have a lot of spring-like pictures, especially budding flowers.

I found the just-beginning-to-bloom tulips first ~ yay, they're pink (my favorite)! ~ and knew they would probably be a central part of my collage.  I so love the photos of both little girls in front of the white, airy windows on either side.  The fresh flowers bring a comforting sigh of relief and Touch is one of my love languages.  As I played with what to put in my circle, I found I needed ... *craved,* really .... all of the white space.  Smiling because, at one point, I tried coloring in the left-hand side with a green colored pencil.  Right after I finished I knew that it needed to go so I erased it.

I'm hungry... so hungry! ... for a new rhythm.  An ease-ier, peace-filled, spacious rhythm that isn't centered all-consumingly on work and things that need to be done here at home.  I ache for a rhythm that is clean and simple, naturally beautiful.  I also knew I wanted to gently surround myself ~ creating a safe container ~ with a brown border, the color of earth rich in vital nutrients necessary for new seeds and tender, spring plants.  It's my sense that it's a visual way of reminding myself to stay within, tending my own heart and life, a poignant way to remember that it's ok to have some things remain private, secret, and sacred.

So as I've learned with soul collage:

I am the one who is touch (and needs touch)

I am the one who's life is a new rhythm

I am the one who is beautiful pink blossoms, patiently awaiting her time to bloom

     (it'll be here before I know it)

I am the one who is naturally beautiful, a lovely pink flower

I am the one who sits, and speaks, and reads, and studies, and learns, and rests, 

     and grows, and dreams in front of the freshness of an airy white window

I am the one who is clean and simple.

And lookie here how much better and more at peace I feel:

Truly I am blessed

And deeply grateful.

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