Peace Dove

Peace is my word for this year and, as has become my tradition, I wanted to do a mandala in "her" honor.  I'm *so* delighted with how this one turned out.

The sweet little birdie in her nest (that *I* drew!!), resting on Peace, reminds me of the poem/acronym that I came up with earlier this year, thanks to a poetry prompt's inspiration 

and invitation:

P racticing
E ncouraging
A cceptance
C ultivates
E ase

Blessed be.

.             *            .

Irish Rose Mandala

Last summer I took a mandala e-course and fell in love with the play part of the process.  All thru the summer and into the fall I made many a mandala and then, due to some things that came up (and felt all absorbing), I stopped.

In the last week or so I saw a video on Pinterest showing how to make a mandala in 5 minutes and it's inspired me to come back home to playing.  It feels so wonderful and life-giving.

Grinning as I say this is my 77th (!!) mandala. It's also my newest favorite and I've fondly named her "Irish Rose."

.             *             .

Wordless Wednesday :: Harbinger of Spring

.             *             .

Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

1.  Dear hubby who loves to laugh and play.  He will totally get a kick out of this photo I snap chatted just for him.

2.  Deep love that still spreads so warmly across my face and heart whenever I see these three longtime, faithful companions, 3-d glasses, remotes, and all.

3.  A quiet evening at home spent writing with oil lamp company.

4.  The fun of discovering snow in the morning here in south - always pretty and it usually doesn't last too long.

5.  The joy that comes from writing a new intro in an old group.  Love how that process brings home for me where and who I am in this moment.  (Especially love the feeling that I'd like to get to know me, too)

6.  Freedom that comes from finally detaching, letting it be, and listening well to Grace and my heart regarding a relationship I've been struggling with.

7.  Cheer-filled twinkle lights on a cold evening in February.

8.  Flock of robins that sang to me all morning and flew right over my head as I got the mail today.

9.  Bliss of an intentional, full hour of quiet meditation and reading this evening.  And the "welcome home" sense I felt from turning away from a meditation experiment while coming back to what has worked so well for me and the assurance that it will continue to.

10.  Brightness brought on by fresh bulbs in the lights over my kitchen sink.  (Some light, if too bright, feels oppressive to me.  These feel just the opposite ... clear and lighting my way)

11.  Being intentionally surrounded by angels again - I can see 17 from where I sit, here in my chair.

12.  Connecting with and getting to know new friends.

13.  The new practice of my Lenten butterfly spiral.

14.  Happy stack of crocheted granny daisy hearts.

15.  Feeling sleepy.

and it is Enough.

Blessed be.

.          *          .

Snow Morning!

Lookie what we woke up to this morning!

My tree friends

Can you see the ice on the rose bush buds?

We also had birdsong!  Tons of robins flew over as I got the mail.

Can you spot a couple on the branches?

Of course the snow is all melted now, but we are expecting 2-3 inches 

tomorrow afternoon.  With our curvy roads and lack of experience with the snow, 

it can shut us down.

We'll see!!

.            *            .

Day Lily Inspired Mandala

.           *             .

Purple Zentangle Mandala

.             *             .

Lenten Butterfly Spiral of Hope

If you've been following me here, you may remember that I have Ann Voskamp's son's wooden Advent spiral wreath and, over the years, have come to really treasure using it in December. Advent is my favorite season in the church year, serving as a tender affirmation that even tho our culture and the world around us may forget, sometimes our life *is* spent in waiting (and sometimes there is very real groaning as we wait, too), which is certainly more what my life has looked like.

I love having the gentle, consistent reminder during Advent that as I move my tea light down one space on my wreath each day, Mary on her donkey and I are traveling together in our journey towards what is birthing in each of us. She is very good company.

All that to say that I just don't resonate with using my spiral wreath with the extension and the wooden Christ carrying his cross at Lent. So I don't . . .

This year I've been using this Praying in Color template for my Lenten practice instead.  In a group discussion recently, one member shared that she once spent a month creating a butterfly a day.  I was so taken with her idea that I've decided to fill my Lenten spiral up with butterflies. Hope was my word for last year and I see this as a lovely, intentional way to deepen "Her" presence in my life.

When taking these photos this morning, I plopped my "calendar" down here on the table next to my chair, exactly where I keep my wooden spiral during Advent.  On a whim, I thought wouldn't it be lovely to put my little cut-glass tea-light candle holder in the middle of the spiral so I did.

It wasn't until after I'd taken the photos that I realized, in that small act, I was reclaiming a practice that has meant so much to me in Advent.  Indeed, I had found a much more meaningful way to be with it in Lent. 

*And* have I mentioned that I love, love, *love* the idea of marking each day with a butterfly? :)

Because it's fun to watch it grow, plus it helps to keep me on track, I'm thinking I'll be posting a picture of my spiral every Sunday.

.           *            .

Starlight Dreamcatcher Mandala

.           *           .

The Blues Mandala

.           *            .

Awakening - Lit From Within

Love the way this mandala turned out!

Feels like Spring,

a blossoming flower.

(And me)

Hope.

Blessed be.

.            *            .

Lent "Praying in Color" Spiral

Began my new "Praying in Color" spiral for Lent yesterday.

(I'm thinking I might just do a butterfly every day.)

.          *         .

Wordless Ash Wednesday

.         *         .

Angel Sunday :: Sweetheart Angel

Practicing Peace this morning

as I welcome my angels.

I am so enjoying my newest one,

Willow Tree's "Sweetheart Angel,"

a delightful Valentine's surprise 

from darlin' hubby last night.

(She's one I hadn't met yet!)

As I sit with her, I love how she 

so grace-filled-ly and peace-filled-ly

stands in her place.

She's not over-reaching

nor does she cower.

She just quietly, 

steadily,

simply

stands in her truth

and in her life.

I gratefully, tearfully 

welcome 

her gently touching example 

of how I, too, can stand

in my own life

... right now ... 

in this very moment.

And it is Enough.

(It is possible, Debbie Grace)

Help me, Mama?

Always, Baby.

Blessed Be.

.           *            .

Happy Valentine's Day Love

Beautiful, deep pink lovelies from hubby this year.

He continues to touch my heart

by keeping his promise to me,

made 28 years ago,

that I would always have roses on Valentine's Day. 

Blessed be. 

.             *             .

A Lovely Peace Surprise

A kind friend sent a lovely surprise,

meant to be a thoughtful, tangible reminder

of both my word, Peace,

and her love.

It's already working.

(I especially love the silver flower)

.            *            .

Happy Peace Mail

A sweet friend sent this 

wonderful surprise to me.

What a delight to find 

her envelope tucked up in my mailbox!

(She is one of the very best snail mail fairies I know!)

(and I feel *very* blessed to have made her mailing list.)

.          *         .

Good Morning, Sunshine

This lovely greeted me Wednesday morning.

Spring is on her way!

(I'm so tickled how clear the 

yellow velvety softness shows in this photo 

taken with my iPhone!)

.          *          .

Wordless Wednesday :: Cuppa Peace

.            *             .

Imbolc Mandala Prayer Collage

So Saturday I rested

(and rested).

I also played with my Mandala Prayer Collage, 

a part of the Imbolc mini-retreat in my new Celtic-based e-course, Sacred Seasons.

I am *so* looking forward to the year-long rhythm of following 

and honoring the seasons within a community!

It speaks deeply to my farmer's daughter, 

cradle Catholic heart.

I loved the instruction to work within a circle *and* to use only one magazine, both exercises meant to nudge me to intentionally prioritize.  It was a very good and timely lesson for me to practice discerning and listening for Enough.  Knowing in my *bones* that I'm ready for some attention to what is growing inside of me, I chose a February magazine thinking it would probably have a lot of spring-like pictures, especially budding flowers.

I found the just-beginning-to-bloom tulips first ~ yay, they're pink (my favorite)! ~ and knew they would probably be a central part of my collage.  I so love the photos of both little girls in front of the white, airy windows on either side.  The fresh flowers bring a comforting sigh of relief and Touch is one of my love languages.  As I played with what to put in my circle, I found I needed ... *craved,* really .... all of the white space.  Smiling because, at one point, I tried coloring in the left-hand side with a green colored pencil.  Right after I finished I knew that it needed to go so I erased it.

I'm hungry... so hungry! ... for a new rhythm.  An ease-ier, peace-filled, spacious rhythm that isn't centered all-consumingly on work and things that need to be done here at home.  I ache for a rhythm that is clean and simple, naturally beautiful.  I also knew I wanted to gently surround myself ~ creating a safe container ~ with a brown border, the color of earth rich in vital nutrients necessary for new seeds and tender, spring plants.  It's my sense that it's a visual way of reminding myself to stay within, tending my own heart and life, a poignant way to remember that it's ok to have some things remain private, secret, and sacred.

So as I've learned with soul collage:

I am the one who is touch (and needs touch)

I am the one who's life is a new rhythm

I am the one who is beautiful pink blossoms, patiently awaiting her time to bloom

     (it'll be here before I know it)

I am the one who is naturally beautiful, a lovely pink flower

I am the one who sits, and speaks, and reads, and studies, and learns, and rests, 

     and grows, and dreams in front of the freshness of an airy white window

I am the one who is clean and simple.

And lookie here how much better and more at peace I feel:

Truly I am blessed

And deeply grateful.

.          *          .

Please See, Listen and Hear (and Value) Me

Don't worry!
You'll find I'm a real laid back boss.
Are you making this harder than it has to be?

.     .     *     .     .

Do you see me?

Are you listening?
Do you hear me?

My 10-1/2 years of experience is significant.
My eye for detail is of value.
*Especially* in a CPA firm.
We are entrusted with folks' financial information.
We want to be professional, internally and externally.

In written communication?
I've got this down in spades.

I want to be someone folks enjoy working with.
("I think," says this very real introvert on crutches)
And a lot of days I am.
But, gracious!!
There are days when I really struggle with working with others,
especially in person.

Days like today.

.     .     *     .     .

When he first started, he took refuge in my office saying
"This is my safe space" and "Nobody can find me here."
As I started training him, I told him "I'm not going to offer a lot of opinions,
I'm going to let you form your own.  You are certainly welcome
to ask me anything you want."

He was grateful.

Early on, he said to me "I'm sure you have a job here for as long as you want."

And underneath it all,
(I'm not even sure I can put it into words yet)
I feel like I've fallen off that pedestal a little bit
(part of me fears it's really "a lot")
and I'm uncertain what to do about that.
(Am I actually thinking I want back up there?)
(Who are you answering to, precious one?)

It's also like I'm not allowed to feel my very real and valid frustrations and anger.
He wants to move on to "it's over," all easy breezy.
(As if it were that simple)
And maybe it is .... for him.
(never has been for me)

It's like he's way too interested in it not being a "thang,"
that he doesn't listen to what would be helpful.
(and, yes, you just might have to pick thru the details a little bit)
(maybe that's what he thinks he's doing?)

What it feels like is happening is he shuts down instead.
Being so hyper-sensitive, I sense it
(and I so wouldn't want to impose
*or* be too big)
so I get all weird
and shut down.

.     .     *     .     .

Right now, I'm just too weary.
I've been working a couple 5-1/2 hour days a week
(at least)
and it's just too much.

Sure, the extra money has been nice.
But at what cost, honey?
Do we really need it that much?
No.

And I think my soul is longing for more.
For an intentional, meaning-filled life outside of work.

I miss writing my heart out on a regular basis.

Hmmmm.... guess it was starting to become very clear to me
that it was time to leave my online group two years ago now.
I still wanted to give it another month
just to be sure.
It was a big thing to consider leaving after all,
very painful and heartbreaking.
Still, it was the right decision for me.

It's been tough to cobble together a new community.
Something I long (and sometimes ache) for
- that connection I need
(and am wired for) -
in other places.

Part of it is me and the fact that I've given my all to work in the last 1-1/2 years.
Our new major software upgrade and "let's look at all of our procedures while we're at it"
has been pretty intense and all-consuming.
Unlike most folks in the office, it's literally touched
every. single. keystroke. I make.
Lots of my procedures have been reworked as well.

It's like I'm just now waking up from all of that and looking around.
And I want more.
I need more.

(So what that tells me is, even if my supervisor had never left back in July
- right as I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel
and starting to breathe easier -
I would still probably be feeling some of what I'm feeling right now.)

This is all good, my darlin'.
Hard.
But good.

So perhaps I'm not as "off" and out of step as I feel?

Maybe these feelings and nudges are important?

Could very well be.

Mama Grace, Auntie Mercy, Enough, Hope and now Peace, please be with me and guide me?

Always, Baby.

Blessed be.

P.S. - Where do you think the nudges are coming from?

.          *           .

Wordless Wednesday :: A Sweet New Pattern

.             *             .

Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

1.  Gift of being an auntie to my sweet girls. 

2.  Quiet moments sprinkled in here and there at their combined birthday party.  Like the time my Mollie Grace was playing with her new toys and everyone else had moved to another room.  I happily joined her on the floor.  

3.  A smooth day at work yesterday including a peaceful interaction with a co-worker I've been struggling with a lot lately.

4.  Safe spaces to share my words and my heart.

5.  Receiving kind, honoring words back letting me know I've been seen, heard and am cherished.  (Words of Affirmation really is so clearly one of my love languages)

6.  A lazy morning and being able to still be tucked up in warm, soft blankets on a chilly morning.  (Touch is clearly my other love language)

7.  A new cheerful granny heart crochet pattern with a daisy in the center.  The one I made last night delights me every single time I look at it.

8.  Being able to record cooking shows and watching them at my leisure (and! being able to skip thru the ads).

9.  Sunlight beginning to peek thru our bedroom window this morning.

10. Heater keeping us warm and a long-time, mindful reminder that I am not alone.

11. Reading about St. Brigid on her feast day, Feb. 1.

12. Lovely old and new online connections.

13. A warm mug of Cafe Express Chai Latte Tea.  I make it with a little milk so it's creamier and yummy.

14. Your presence here.  

.             *             .

Practicing Peace

.             *             .