Good-bye, dear friend

Hubby and I went to Saturday night mass this weekend at the little church I especially love.  

I like to make a special point to go this particular weekend 

between Christmas and New Year's 

to see their beautiful manger.  

While there we received the shocking and very unexpected news of a dear friend's death.  

Come to find out, our sweet Mary Ann had a heart attack 

and died, peacefully, in her sleep the day after Christmas.  

She 

and her always-warm welcome, 

ready smile, 

hearty laugh,

and big, heart-felt hugs 

will be sorely missed by me

and so many others.

I love you, dear friend, 

and wish you a fond farewell.

(I still can't believe I'm saying this)

May God bless you

and your aching family.

.     *     .

Hope ~ My Guiding Star for 2014

Link to Hope Star

Playing with my word for 2014, Hope,

and Tagul Word Cloud this morning.

Trust is an old, dear friend 

so it brought a warm smile to see her

stand out, reminding me to 

Trust Hope.

Here's to a good year.

.     *     .

Breakfast Date

I'm having internet troubles with my computer.

So we wanted to test the wifi connection at 

a place other than here at home.

I had a Starbucks' giftcard.

So we had a yummy breakfast out this morning.

Caramel Macchiato 

and toasted bagel with cream cheese 

for him.

Chai tea latte 

and a slice of pumpkin bread 

for me.

Yummy!

(and it appears it is our wifi not my computer)

.     *     .

Guardian of Home

Isn't my new angel beautiful?

The words under her apron are:

"Bless this Home

and fill it with Love and Peace."

Amen.

.     *     .

Merry Christmas

Mary and I made it 

around the spiral

another year.

(I so love this tradition!)

Merry Christmas.

.     *     .

December Art Journaling - Honoring My Journey

It's been a really hard few months at work for me and between that and trying to get ready for Christmas, I'm very weary. Sunday morning, I woke up so tired (physically and emotionally) I wanted to cry.

This tends to be my busy time of year anyway but this year we are also implementing a (lo-o-o-ng-overdue) new software operating system which is taking a lot of my time and energy. Usually this work rush and intensity is over by now (or at least starting to subside) but now that most of the billing is over, I realize that we may have a long way to go still as we work out the bugs and kinks in the new system. I remain grateful I am part of a good team and especially that I am not at the head of it.

My two oldest, deepest, and hardest anniversaries arrive in December - on December 6, 1977 my parents' divorce was final and a short 8 days later on December 14, the bone cancer in my left hip was diagnosed. My world literally fell apart in one short week. As a trusted and very dear therapist who walked with me, spiritually companioning and mothering me, for 6 years once wisely said to me, "Debbie, it's like your anniversaries are burned in your soul." I knew the truth of her words as soon as she spoke them.

.     *     .

I still had a few vacation days left so I took one of them on Friday. I wanted to take some intentional time so I could be with myself, love, honor, cry, and remember . . .

That morning, it occurred to me that rather than write-journal which, sadly, is kinda feeling overwhelming right now (and so in some ways it feels like I've lost my voice), I could art-journal. Smiling because I first started dipping my toe in doing this with selfies when I took Liz Lamoreux's "Water Your Soul" class in April and played with it some more as I did a read along of her book, Inner Excavation, with Effy Wild this summer. So after quiet stop at a place that feeds me spiritually and a trip to Michaels to get a larger watercolor book (15"x18") , I did just that.

Wanted to share both of my pieces here . . .

The first one honors me and my health (and heart and spiritual) journey. The first picture is a selfie I took a few months ago that I love … it feels like Grace (my fond name for my higher power) is shining down on and blessing me, her daughter. The last picture is me at age 15 (or so), when, clearly the cancer was still heavy on my heart (and in my body). I can tell by the wig on my head, sparser-than-usual eyebrows, and the heavy seriousness of my face. Truly, I was a child thrown into an adult world and the reality was that I didn't have a whole heck of a lot of the gentle support that I so desperately needed during that time. (I believe this is why the anniversaries still burn in my soul and ache for tending) I love the idea of the picture in the middle reminding me that both parts of me can meet in the middle, hold hands, look lovingly at one another, care for one another in a way that I need, and I can be and feel supported (both then and now). The adult-me of today *can* go all the way back, 36 years ago, to the child-me.

And I especially love the tender reminder to wrap myself in Hope (<- my word for 2014) forever. 

The second piece honors my Moma and I's journey. She and I were very close and then she divorced my Daddy in a very armored-up, angry way and left me behind. In looking back I think it was the only way she could do what she knew she needed to do in order to survive so I have found some blessed mercy (my word for 2012) for her. Still. That doesn't change the fact that it was still a heart-breaking sever in our relationship and, because I felt so abandoned by her, I cut off contact with her several times in the following decades (I armored up in anger, too). It wasn't what I wanted but being near her in this armored up, angry way was too painful (and hurtful) for me.

I always hoped, wanted, and wished for reconciliation between us and today I have no doubts that she wanted the same. How it all unfolded is a long story but the bottom-line is that we were blessed with the gift of one on her deathbed when she was dying from liver cancer almost 17 years ago.

While I miss her, terribly at times, I know in my heart that all that we could possibly do together, each in our own humanity, before she left this earth was done. Each picture of her and I is a different snapshot in our lives together - a moment of coming together (but not necessarily lasting). The upper left-hand photo is our last one together, taken on Christmas Eve 1996 a couple weeks before she passed on January 6. The tears and deep gratitude, palpable on my face, that we were able to make peace still moves me to tears (especially when I'm feeling especially tender like today). The one of me by myself reminds me to take a moment and bask in the very real gratitude I feel. The candle quietly reminds me of all of the candles I've lit and stood by, holding vigil for this biggest-thing-ever-on-my-heart wish. It came true . . . and, while I still so miss what we could've had more of, I am deeply grateful for what we did have.

Thank you for your kind witness.

.     *     .

"Children"

Smiling because I had gotten my "children" out to take a picture yesterday morning for a December photo-a-day challenge but ran out of time. Then last night it was too dark. When hubby saw them piled in the chair, he asked me, "What are Sunshine, Traypole, and Sebastian all doing out?"  So I told him what I was up to.  

When I got up this morning it brought a warm smile to see that he had tucked them all up in a warm blanket on this chilly morning!

.     *     .

Second Sunday of Advent ~ Love

Mary and her donkey 

continue 

to make their way 

around the spiral 

(that is life)

. . .

So grateful 

for some quiet time together 

on this chilly, rainy, 

Second-Sunday-of-Advent 

with a candle 

and Grace 

lighting the path 

for both of us.

.     *     .

Good-bye Great-Aunt Geneva

This afternoon we said good-bye to a special lady and a generation.

Tadd's last "Great," Aunt Geneva, lived a full 92 years that ended earlier this week when she passed peacefully in her sleep. She was the baby of 11 children and her family (including her big sister, Grandma!) loved music. When they gathered there would often be 'picking' (playing guitars, banjos, etc) and singing. It warms my heart to think of what a *wonderful* reunion that must be now that baby-sister has come home, too.

Aunt Geneva was very dear to us both. Smiling softly because there was never a doubt in my mind that she claimed me as one of her own, too. We are both grateful for her loving presence in our lives and her always ready, *wonderful* hugs.

While our love remains steadfast, indeed, we shall miss her . . .

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 30

Today I am grateful for this wonderful way of connecting with one another and very thankful for those of you who joined in and/or followed along with me on this month-long blessing basking journey. Friend, never doubt that your kind presence was welcomed company and nourishment along the way.

Smiling softly this chilly Saturday morning because my introvert heart is ready and longing for the quieter, more meditative practices of the season of Advent.  May we all wait well and in joyful hope, as best we can in any given moment, all while trustin' and restin' in the Truth that our best is always, *always* Enough.  And really, what more can we give than our imperfect, sometimes messy best?

Love and blessings to you all! <3

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 29

Today I am grateful 

for a quiet day 

to rest, 

to be, 

to watch a movie, 

Disney's "Brave,"

(what a *good* one!),

 

and now nap!

(This is me trustin' the simply showing up is Enough)

.     *      .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 28 ~ Thanksgiving Day

I am grateful for the the gift of family ~ whether by birth, by marriage, and/or by heart. Having 

had to spend holidays and other special days away from dear ones before and (((knowing)))) 

that heart-*ache,* I especially appreciate the gift of getting to spend our Thanksgiving with and enjoying our family here.

Whispering a quiet prayer for, and sending love to, those who, for whatever reason, weren't able 

to do the same. <3

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 27

I am grateful for a quieter, much more low-key and relaxed day at work. Thankful, too, for a lovely lunch shared by the much smaller group of us who were there that day.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.      *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 26

Today I am grateful for all of the people who work steadily and consistently to keep my world functioning smoothly. To name a few ~ our mailman, our garbage men, our always-friendly dry-cleaners, salesclerks willing to help me locate items in the store, smiling cashiers, and especially the folks at my grocery store who walk out with me, put my bags in my trunk, and drive the motorized cart back inside the store for me.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *      .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 25

Today I am grateful for my old, comfy, brown la-z-boy rocker, gifted to me by Tadd's Granddaddy (we think it's 40 years old!). Smiling because Granddaddy knew that I loved it and, whenever we would visit his house, he would often insist that I sit in it while we were there.

Then, when he replaced it 21 years ago, I was *so* tickled when he wanted to give it to me. Of course, I happily accepted! I especially love how I can lean back and rock at the same time. 

Grinning because in the mornings I will often find Tadd sitting in it before he starts his day. While it's a little worn, it's still a good one and very loved.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 24

Today I am deeply grateful for the holy times in my life when those around me have been willing and able to be fully present to me and my tender heart.  Their kind, grace-filled companionship, especially when tears are spilling (like today), have helped, blessed and touched me so much.

And, because as a wise one once said to me, if we live long enough, we will all experience things from both sides, I am also very thankful for those moments that I have been entrusted with helping to gently hold someone else's dear heart.

(Where on earth would we be without one another?)
 

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 23

Today I am thankful for some relaxing time 

and leisurely space to play 

with paints, markers, pictures, and glitter!

.  .  .

(These pages are actually from a couple weeks back)

.  .

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 22

(photo credit)

Today I am grateful for a warm bowl 

of yummy Roasted Carrot Soup 

on a chilly, laid-back Friday evening.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *      .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 21

Today I am grateful for a quiet, peaceful evening 

spent with Grace, a few angel friends, 

and my new twinkle lights.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 20

I am grateful to have a job and one that is so well-suited for me. Who knew that preparing bills could be creative and satisfying? :) And yet, for me and my eye for detail, it really is. I enjoy making sure each bill is laid out just right, looks and sounds professional, and that the sometimes tricky allocations are just as the partner wanted.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 19

Hoping you won't mind a little story before I share today's gratitude. Smiling softly because this one really is about basking in a tremendous blessing . . .

I was shopping this morning and an elderly gentleman struck up a conversation with me in the canned foods aisle. He said he hoped I wouldn't have to be driving the motorized carts for much longer, that there was a time that he had been driving them but had recovered from his spinal surgery.

I told him that I am a 36-year bone cancer survivor and that most of my left femur had been removed, making that leg about 8" shorter which is why I am on crutches. And, as I usually do, I added with a twinkle that, considering the alternative, I would take crutches.

He told me that his first wife had died from cancer and I said that I was sorry for his loss. While he seems to have come to some peace about it, I sensed he still misses her (do we ever fully recover from a loss of a love?). We chatted a while longer and parted shortly after that.

Later, I didn't realize he was behind me in the check-out line until he walked up to me, touched me on the shoulder and said "you know, folks donate their bones when they die, too." He then told me that his son had died in a car wreck and they had donated his organs. When asked about donating his son's bones as well he said the family just couldn't bring themselves to do that, too.

I was so touched by his kindness in reaching out to me and my heart still aches that he's had so much tragedy in his life. Saying no (Enough) to giving his son's bones as well as his organs, feels very understandable to me.

I lovingly looked at him and said thank you, I've had some major problems with big time infections and so I'm done (with surgery). He smiled knowingly as he patted me on the shoulder and said "good for you," and then walked back to his place in line.

He was still on my mind as I collected my crutches from customer service and put my shopping bags in my trunk. As I was driving away I smiled softly and tears welled because it dawned on me (I had a spiritual awakening), that I have been on the receiving end of what must be an extremely courageous and terribly heartbreaking thing for a family to do.

And, at the same time, what an honorable, dignified and amazing way for a family to allow their dearly beloved to leave a legacy . . .

Back in 1984, what I've always called a "cadaver" bone (because that's what my doctors called it) was inserted into my leg. It was hoped that my bone would grow up into it. I was able to use it for 4 years before another very bad infection made it so that it had to be removed from me (too).

It brings tears to think about what a gift that person and their family gave to me by donating his or her femur. 

What a holy and sacred thing to do . . .

. . . what a holy and sacred gift to give

. . . what a holy and sacred gift to receive.

Truly, I am deeply, richly blessed by their generosity and I am very,

*very*

thankful.

<3

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 18

Today, 

on the 27 anniversary 

(plus 1 month!) 

of our first date, 

I am thankful 

… so *very* thankful … 

for my darlin' hubby, 

Taddbert.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 17

Today, 

on a chilly, dark, foggy afternoon 

(and after a long week at work), 

I am grateful to be inside, 

snuggled up in a warm blanket 

resting and writing.  

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 16

Today I am so thankful for the blessing of attending mass on a Saturday evening in November. I so love the quiet stillness of being in a warm, hushed, darkened church on a chilly evening, praying and singing by candlelight, and getting to see and hug a very dear friend.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 15

Today I am thankful for

(and *still* smiling over!)

the gingerbread house postage stamps
I bought today.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 14

Today I am grateful for the feeling of contented tiredness that comes from a day well spent. 

Sweet dreams, all!

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

. * .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 13

Today, on a chilly fall morning, I am grateful for a steaming bowl of cinnamon, ginger, and dried cherry oatmeal, served my family's way with a pat of butter and a sprinkling of brown sugar.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 12

Today, on a cold, blustery evening, 

I am grateful for heat, 

warm slippers, 

and a soft, down comforter.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

 

Blessing Basking ~ Day 11

Today, on Veteran's Day, I am thankful for all of the men and women and their families who have offered their service. Thank you all for so selflessly sharing your time, energy, blood, sweat, and tears to keep us safe.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Gratitude ~ Thoughts and Practices

The very real truth is that gratitude can be really, *really* tricky for me.  

There were times in my past that it was sometimes used as a silencer.  So rather than be invited (and taught) to sit with and feel the hard, messy, shadow feelings, I was sometimes encouraged/bullied to think of what I was grateful for, often *wa-a-a-a-y* before I was ready. 

Today, for the most part, I do know that it really wasn't about me, simply an attempt to ease their own discomfort (and inabilities).

.     *     .

In years past, I've made angels and the week before Thanksgiving I'd send them to a few dear folks who had been especially kind to me that year.  Along with their angel, I would also tuck in a note naming the ways they had been an angel for me and why I was counting them as one of my blessings that year.  Adoring snail mail as I do, I loved the idea of them finding a wonderful surprise in their mailbox during the quieter time of Thanksgiving. 

A very unexpected side-effect of my Thanksgiving angel practice was how *grateful* I felt afterwards. I also realized that I didn't feel so alone in my struggles which, with my history of bone cancer as a teen, was a real healing blessing.  So, she says with a soft smile, I do *know* the power of practicing gratitude. Thru experience, what I also know is that I want to use great care in when and how I use it.

For the past several years, it's become my practice to name one blessing every day in November and use that as my Facebook status.  I love to write and I find this gives me an opportunity to practice a bit plus it does help to keep me focused on the blessings in my life during what tends to be an intense time for me at work.  Some days (this week!), it's felt a bit like faking it 'til I make it and that's ok, too, because I'm clear on my intention --> I want to notice and bask in the very real blessings that *are* here. 

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 10

Today I am grateful for some leisurely time to take a nice, hot bath while reading a soul nourishing book. (Barbara Brown Taylor's An Altar in the World)

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 9

Today I am grateful for a day to putter, rest and be, all while the heavenly scent of homemade cinnamon applesauce made from North Georgia apples wafts thru our home.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *      .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 8

Today, on two of their birthdays, I am thankful for

each one of our 27 nieces and nephews,

including our 3 "greats." 

Smiling fondly because younger people

bring so much joy to our lives, don't they?

(This picture was taken last summer

when a few of them came to the airport

with us to say good-bye.)

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 7

Today, I am thankful for the stores that provide motorized carts for their shoppers. With their help I am able to take care of most of our household shopping all by myself (well, along with my crutch companions, Bert and Ernie) and that feeling of independence is very nice.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 6

Today I am thankful for the sound of the quietly soothing tick-tocks of our living room clock. When meditating this afternoon here in my chair, as I finally slowed down my breathing, settling in to rest and to be for a few minutes, it brought a warm smile to hear her faithful "heart" beating with mine . . . still.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 5

Today I am thankful for our warm, comfortable, 

and welcoming home to come home to  . . . 

. . . and for the dear man I share it with.

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 4

Today I am thankful to work in an office where, for the most part, we strive to be and act professional, both with our clients and one another. As to be expected from any group of humans trying to work together, we don't always make the mark. For me, the most important part is that we each, as best we can on any given day, make it our intention to practice profesionalism, which creates a much more pleasant work environment.

(This is me, trusting' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 3

This past week at work was a long, hard one. We had 3 full days of training on our new software system plus my busy billing season has now begun. The truth is I am still feeling weary and "spent."

Tonight I am very thankful for some quiet sabbath time. On this dark night, I am held by my comfy brown rocking chair given to me by Granddaddy.  Surrounding us is soft flickering candlelight, treasured angels that bring warm smiles, soothing, heart-nourishing music, and a cherished bracelet that reminds me to "water your soul."

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *      .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 2

Today I am thankful to live in such a beautiful part of the world. 

With it being fall here, it is awe-some to behold the trees 

as they change into their glorious splendor right before my very eyes. 

Smiling because, at times, their festive party dresses of gold, orange, red and green 

seem to sparkle like sequins against the clear and vivid, sky-blue sky.

(This is me trusting' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Giving Thanks - Day 1

Today I am thankful for my Moma, grandparents, dear friends, and relatives who have passed on before me. I am smiling softly, ever-grateful for their presence in my life and for the bits and pieces of their lives, their wisdom, their hearts and their love they so freely and kindly shared with me. 

May each one rest in peace and, during this very special "thin time," may they know how much I miss and love them.

.     *      .

The picture above is a reminder of how blessed, deep healing does happen.  My Moma had flown out to come see me during a very difficult time in the hospital.  I had only been a Georgian for 7 months and married for 3.  Before I even saw her, I *knew* she was on her way to my room because I recognized the sound of her walk in the hospital hallway floors.  It was music to my heart and soul.

(This is me trusting' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Giving Thanks

As I mentioned last week, it has become my cherished November tradition to take a moment each day to remember something that I am thankful for. I am smiling softly because I've found over the years that when I intentionally take the time to count my blessings and name them, by the time Thanksgiving arrives (the fourth Thursday in November here in the states), I am feeling very blessed indeed. 

The photo above is one I took a couple weeks back.  I made a collage from it so that it would serve as a gentle reminder to myself because, as with any practice, some days are easier than others. (Which is why we call it a "practice," yes?) 

I'm also keeping this photo close because I want it to serve as a gentle reminder to bask in my blessings.

If you would like to join me in my intentional thanksgiving and blessing basking, know that you would be most welcome.

(This is me trusting' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *      .

Wordless Wednesday ~ Crimson

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

~ the precious gift of a *handwritten* letter from a very dear and beloved friend. 

~ a kind woman who offered to help put my groceries in my trunk yesterday afternoon. 

~ a quiet morning filled with spaces of rest and being (as best I can).

~ a beautiful fall day brimming with sparkling sunshine. 

~ the wonderful anticipation of knowing that The Pioneer Woman's new holiday cookbook will be arriving today. 

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough). 

.     *     .

Trunk-or-Treat

We had a lovely time at yesterday's trunk-or-treat. 

 

Hubby wanted to do something different and this is what he came up with. 

 

While I helped him, he did the googling and had the vision. It was fun to watch him enjoy working on it and to see the folks appreciate our trunk.

 

Of course, we both enjoyed getting to see our very favorite "spooks" who dressed as

Mickey and Minnie (times 2!) Mouse

 

 

 

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

 

.     *     .

 

Courage

This lovely angel, Willow Tree's Angel of Courage,

was given to me by a very dear friend.

She said that I had more courage than

anyone she knew.

While I don't know if that's true or not, 

I was very touched by her gift and her words.

In fact it reminds me of something that occurred 

to me years ago. . . 

courage doesn't always feel like great big bravado.

Sometimes, courage feels like shaking in my boots

and doing whatever it is that my heart it telling me to anyway.

And isn't that shakiness what makes it an even braver action?

Yes.

(This is me, trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Taking the Pledge

In Brene Brown's "Gifts of Imperfection" e-course, 

our pledge is: 

 

I am imperfect and I am enough.

Yes.

(This is me, trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

. * .

Remembering to Give Thanks

One of my cherished practices to help prepare myself for Thanksgiving 

is to find something to be grateful for every. single. day. in November

and write about it.  Smiling softly because I've also 

found that this intentional exercise nourishes my heart and soul.

And when I'm faithful to it, as best I can (which is Enough)?

 By the time the fourth Thursday in November arrives, 

I find myself in a most welcomed and very grateful place.

This morning, I was working on this collage 

for my Facebook cover page for next month.

Ah, just looking at it brings a warm smile 

and the blessing of knowing

that it's already working. . . .

(This is me, trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Back at Home in my Heart

I realized earlier this week that I had been hustling for my worthiness, again!, without realizing it (again). Brene Brown's e-course on her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, started this week and between beginning to re-read her wise book (*highly* recommend this one!), and a conversation with a dear friend, I am feeling much more comfy in my own skin and back at home in my heart.

I especially resonated with this quote from page 23:
"When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access into our worthiness -- the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don't fit with who we think we're supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness -- that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging -- lives inside of our story."

Yes. And, ahhhhh . . .

(This is me, trustin' that simply showin' up is Enough)

.     *     .

Wordless Wednesday (Kinda) ~ Promising Light

The amazing, promising light of hope during sunset 

watched from a dear friend's back porch 

in the mountains over the weekend.

(This is me, trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

A Rustic Bridge and Her Wise Lesson

(photo credit)

As I've mentioned before, having recently headed off in a very different direction in my life, bridges have become an important companion and teacher for me.  Seeing this one at Killing the Vampyre, I was immediately drawn to it and I am so grateful for Dawn's kind permission to use a copy here. 

I love it's beautiful surroundings and what I'm most struck by is the dry creek bed it crosses and rustic shape it's in.  From here, the actual path of the bridge looks steady but I'm a little less certain about the rickety-looking handrails.  Smiling because, if I were out for a walk on a lovely fall day, I think I would "need," she says with a twinkle, to walk across this bridge. 

But if I were to come across her at night and/or during a storm?  I think, especially considering my constant crutch companions, it would be most wise for me to take a pass on crossing this bridge in that moment.

For me this is a timely, poignant, and welcomed reminder about the importance of using the gift of discernment.  I want to intentionally take the time to care-full-y consider my circumstances, the weather, and my abilities when choosing to cross a particular bridge in any moment.  

And, perhaps, as in life, not every bridge that presents herself to me is meant to be a part of my journey.

(This is me, trustin' that just showing up is Enough)

.     *     .   

Let it Be

"It's not a matter of letting go ... you would if you could.  Instead of "Let it go," we should probably say "Let it be." ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

Smiling softly because "let it be" feels so much more gentle to me than "let it go" and I'm finding it much ease-ier for me to work with, too.

A friend used to say that "let it go" felt like dropping something that was of deep concern to her and that it meant that she no longer cared (or was allowed to care).  For her, "turning it over" to her Higher Power worked much better. 

It sure made a lot of sense to me when she said it and what a great reminder that different phrases will work for and fit better for each of us.

I discovered Jon's wise quote yesterday morning when things were still going well.  Then, as sometimes happens, things took a downward turn and I had an opportunity to practice letting it (and me) be.

(This is me, trustin' that just showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Wordless Wednesday ~ Hangin' With My Sweet Girl

(This is me, trustin' that just showing up is enough.)

.     *     .

This is Water

While yesterday was a bit rocky at work, I was, very gratefully, able to shore myself up. To be honest, I am quite touched by the spiritual growth I am finding to be just "there" in myself right now. Seeds of patience and mercy, planted in tiny bits over a long period of time are growing and I am feeling grateful awe.

Finding this wise piece in my Facebook newsfeed this morning brought a warm smile and a playful side glance up to the ceiling. "Grace, are you still there watchin' over me?" (tears brim as I remember, once again, that yes, indeed, She is right *here* with me, as is Auntie Mercy). Watching this video was a powerful way to help support me in my intentions for this week (and month) of practicing calm, patience, and mercy with myself and others as we work thru our software transition at work.

THIS IS WATER by David Foster Wallace

Fyi - when it was posted, the person included a comment that he wasn't sure how long it'd be up before they took it down again. So if you are inclined to watch it, might wanna to try for sooner rather than later.

May we all be well and remember, as best we can in any given moment, that this is water.

(This is me, trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

It's Done!

I just finished my fall tabletop quilt.

And I'm not done smilin'!

Don'tcha just love that feeling of 

pride and joy that comes

when making something

that you love yourself?

Me, too!!

(This is me, trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .