Believe and Gently Cherish . . . Always

Earlier this week, I happened across these two sweet hearts and knew they needed to come home with me.  I especially love that they are just the right size to hold in my hand, all while quietly whispering the wisdom of trust and taking good and gentle care.  

We will be changing the main software program that we all use at work on November 1.  It is a long overdue and very welcomed change.  At the same time, there is *a lot* to be done between now and then and I know that unless I stay in today, as best I can, I could easily start to feel overwhelmed.  With the upcoming change for all of us, I also know that there will be lots of invitations for me to remember to take a moment to breathe and come back to center.  To practice believing and cherishing.

These two little hearts feel like good, visual reminders and tender companions.

I am grateful.

.     *     .

Day 30 - I did it!!

Smiling because this is my thirtieth post in thirty days.  I did it!!

I'm feeling a bit down today and some grief is circling,  Given my history and the time of year, it really isn't all that surprising that these feelings are visiting.

What *is* a bit trickier for me is that the judgmental gremlin is peeking in.  She's trying to tell me that it didn't all count for any number of reasons including some posts were really short.  "A Wordless Wednesday post?," she scoffs in a mean voice.

So, as best I can, I gently remind her (because she really is part of me trying to protect me) that the point of this past 30 days, for me, was to simply show up here . . .

. . .  which I did.

And that is just fine and it does count.

More than that, it is enough.

.     *     .

Affirmation ~ Life is a Process . . .

This little post-card sized "affirmation" has been sitting on my desk "altar" for awhile now.  It's been good medicine to read it as I wait for my screen to load or for a report to run.

Life is a process that 

includes problems that can't

always be easily resolved.

How refreshing to learn that

I don't have to resolve every

conflict today.  I can simply 

let conflicts be, focus on 

peaceful images and think 

loving thoughts instead.

It is based on the meditation from July 18 in the book, A Life of My Own, by Karen Casey.  (I was unable to google a copy of her wise meditation in it's entirety)

.     *     .     

.

Wordless Wednesday: A Sweet Bear Friend

.     *     .

Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

~ some gorgeous, mild, sunny, fall-feeling days.  My very favorite kind.

~ a lovely, soul nourishing afternoon spent in the mountains with hubby on Sunday.

~ a beautiful new indigo pottery candle holder, bought at one of my favorite shops, Mark of the Potter.

~ a job with tasks that fit my personality to a T.

~ the blessed awareness of how sometimes things really can be worked thru, given enough time, patience, and willingness (on both of our parts).

.     *     . 

Just a Swangin'

When hubby asked what I wanted to do yesterday, I said "swing in my very favorite swing!"  Smiling because he knew exactly the one I was talking about.  It lives on the back balcony of an old, former grist mill, about a 1-1/2 hour drive away.  

I have loved this spot and her very special swing overlooking the soothing, rushing water since the first time we happened across it over 23 years ago.  (Yes, she says with a grin, I usually sit back but he said he couldn't see me and the water with me sitting that way.  :) )

It's been too long since I've been a-swangin' in this swing, delightedly listening to and watching the water.  Smiling because he loves this place too and we both very much enjoyed our lovely afternoon in the mountains, driving around and basking in the gorgeous weather.  

.     *     .

Gentle Guardian

This sweet angel has been 

my gentle guardian

for almost 14 years now.

She quietly watches over me 

from her special place 

in our home.

  

Smiling because I can see her 

as I type this now, 

sitting in my old, comfy, brown chair.

It warms my heart to think of her 

as my Moma 

peeking in and watching over me, too.

I do love her so.

.     *     .  

Gossamer Starglow

Here's something fun for the weekend - a fairy name generator!

My fairy name is Gossamer Starglow

She grants wishes.
She lives in spider-webbed wonderlands and insect grottoes.
She can only be seen in the light of a full moon.
She wears dresses made of cobwebs and gossamer and has handsome pink butterfly wings.
Get your own fairy name from the fairy name generator!





I love mine.  What's yours?  :)

.     *     .

Basking in Grace

Five years ago I was having some health issues and, for a good long while, we couldn't figure out what was going on. Eventually, it was determined that I needed to have a hysterectomy which was performed in November 2008. Being 46 and not having kiddos (I never felt ready!) this was all pretty traumatic and heart-breaking for me.

In the midst of all of this, I was very clear that in order to make it thru this difficult journey I needed a freshness in my relationship with my Higher Power. I also *knew* that I needed to explore the feminine face of God, especially with all of the "feminine stuff" I was going thru.

It was then that I took to fondly calling my Higher Power, Grace, and I still do. Smiling softly because sometimes I call her Mama Grace. Having struggled with a difficult relationship with my own Moma, I sometimes refer to myself as "Debbie Grace." Not because I see myself as my own HP but because I see her as my heavenly parent and I think she likes the idea of my being named after her.   I know I sure do. :)

I really like how this picture feels like I am simply allowing her to shine on me and fill me with her love . . . all while I simply bask.

.     *     .

Faithful Traveling Companion

My bear friend, Rachel, has been riding around in my car with me for over 12 years now.

One day, after hubby had unloaded some things from the back seat the day before, I noticed that he had seat-belted her in.  It brought such a warm smile because it was *so* like him to do!

She's stayed safely tucked in that way ever since.  :)

.     *     .

Affirmation ~ Detachment is the Wonderful Gift . . .

The first time I posted one of my affirmations, someone commented that she didn't think she could memorize like I did.  Smiling because I'm not sure I could remember them either, especially when in the thick of it, unless I had them written down.  In fact, I've enjoyed creating little "post cards" with them using clip art and fonts that make me happy, just like this picture.  

I've recently needed to go back to this affirmation in particular so I thought I'd share it here this week.  It comes from the reading for May 3 in the book, Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II:

"Detachment is the wonderful gift of

allowing my loved ones the privilege

and opportunity of being themselves.

Today I am learning to experience

my own fear, grief, & anguish.  This

helps me to be willing to trust the

same growth process in others, 

because I know first hand about the

gifts it can bring.

Sometimes it is more loving to allow

someone else to experience the

natural consequences of their 

actions, even when it is painful for

us both.  In the long run, both of us

will benefit.  Today I will put love

first in my life.

All I have to do is keep my hands off

& turn my heart on."

(emphasis mine)

I haven't used this one in awhile so it's taking some time to re-memorize it.  I'm smiling as I type because I know from working with them in the past, that repetition is very good medicine.  Each time I say it, it's calm wisdom sinks in a little deeper, reassuring me that all is well.

Again, my affirmations aren't necessarily word-for-word.  Sometimes I will paraphrase them so that they make more sense and are more powerful for me.  If you'd like to see the original version, you can view it here.

.     *     .

Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

~ a kind, attentive and very dear man who I've been with for almost 28 years, 25 of which we've been married.

~ the coziness that rain, cloudy days, and cooler temps bring with them.

~ a slower-than-originally suggested schedule at work to "go live" with our new software package.  This more realistic and saner pace was a very, *very* welcomed surprise.

~ the peaceful soothing that a lighted candle quietly brings.

~ the opportunity to share a meaningful and intentional good-bye with a good friend at work who has now retired.

     .     *     .

Blessed Assurance

As I was playing with a new-to-me iphone app, "Tales of Us," it occurred to me to put these two pictures together.

I *love* how this new photo tells the story *of* me *to* me.

The picture of me leaning against and looking out of the big wall of windows was taken last year by my hubby at my request. We were celebrating my 50th birthday by spending a week in this beautiful, quiet house in the mountains, which is what I most wanted to do.

Being a 35-year bone cancer survivor, truth is, I'm not sure I ever really thought I would make it to 50 so this big milestone brought with it a lot of tender vulnerability, mixed emotions, and uncertainty. I wanted this picture of me to remind and reassure me that rather than 50 being at the end, I was simply at a beginning of a new and exciting leg in my journey.

As an added bonus, it was my sense that whenever I looked back at this picture, having it set in this beautiful, quiet haven would also serve as a reminder that I am finally learning how to take good care of me by listening to myself and what I most want and need.

The picture of me looking back is one I took last week.

It really touches my heart to see the me of today taking a moment to turn back and gently, lovingly, and joyfully reassure the me of last year that it will all be just fine.

More than that, all is beautifully well.

     .     *     .

Quiet Sunday Blessings

(I took this picture when we were at the beach this summer.)

May we all know the truth 

of these beautifully wise words 

deep in our bones. 

     .     *     .  

Happy Saturday

Wishing us all a lovely day.

May it be filled with what 

we most need.

Whether that be

rewarding work, 

carefree play 

and/or

 restorative rest!

.     *     .

Hope Prayer Flag

Hope is a word that hasn't always been in my vocabulary.  To be honest, it didn't even make my radar for a really long time.  But it's such an important word, isn't it?  I only began to understand just how much when it was given to me by a group of friends during a very difficult time in my life.   

Butterflies speak to me of hope and I made this prayer flag to send to a woman who was collecting them and stringing them together for the Newtown, CT community. I was proud to be a participant in this very special project which you can read about here:  The Hope Flag Project.  

I remain so grateful for the opportunity to pass along the gift of hope and for the wonderful gift of being able to continue to cultivate hope in my own life, too.

.   *   .

Remembering a Special Friend

This little bird lives in Black Mountain, NC on the back balcony of a lovely house.  Hubby and I were there for a week last year to celebrate my 50th birthday.  

As I thought about what I most wanted to do, I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted to honor my milestone quietly.  While it took some time for me to allow myself to totally relax into it, I knew that what most sounded like pure heaven for me was to spend some time in a peaceful haven in the mountains with a beautiful view and a couple of rocking chairs to enjoy it. 

When we arrived, I was so delighted to discover that the new-to-us-house was just that and my sweet little birdie friend was a very pleasant surprise.  Throughout our week we spent a good bit of time with her rocking and being on the spacious balcony.  She was a perfect companion and witness. 

In looking back, I am so grateful that I took the time to listen to my heart and take good care of me by doing what I most wanted and needed to do.

It's raining here now, just as it was the day I took this picture. Seeing her again brings a warm smile and many fond memories as I bask one more time in that blissful week.

.   *   .

Affirmation ~ I Have Not Gone Away, Child

(holding my nephew 

the day after he was born)

About twenty years ago, I started memorizing passages that spoke deeply to me and that I loved.  Since I was using them as such, I took to calling them "affirmations."  My sense was that if I had them memorized, I could pull them out of my self-care toolbox anytime I might need them.

I couldn't have possibly imagined how very important and crucial this practice of mine has become.  Sometimes it can be hard to remember to start working with one, especially when I am in a really rough spot.  Still, I *know* from a lot of experience that, just like a loving mama patiently stays with her sweet crying child who can't hear her in the moment, I, too, as best I can, just need to stay with it.  Eventually the little one inside my heart does calm enough so that the healing wisdom has a chance to soak in, nourishing my aching heart with just the right medicine.  Once that happens, I know that it won't be long before things will start to ease and shift for me.

The very first "affirmation" or wise passage that I took the time to memorize remains my dearest and most favorite.  It comes from the reading for July 12, "Letting go of Fear of Abandonment," in Melody Beattie's wonderful and very wise book, The Language of Letting Go:

I have not gone away child.

I am here, *always,* 

Rest in me, in confidence.

All in your life is being guided

and planned,

each detail.

I know, and I care.

Things *are* being worked out 

as quickly as possible 

for your highest good.

Trust and be grateful.

I am right here.

Soon you will see,

and know.

(Emphasis mine)

Thankful Tuesday

I've noticed that bloggers who are consistent in their writing often have regular recurring themes.  One of my favorites is "Thankful Tuesday" so I thought I'd incorporate it myself.

Today I am thankful for:

~ my health.  My annual physical exam is this morning and, having no complaints, I'm looking forward to seeing my very kind and caring doctor again.  Being an almost 36-year bone cancer survivor, I especially appreciate that doctors visits aren't always a source of lightness and joy.

~ I was able to practice saying my "no, thank you" in a calm, respectful way recently (and it went just fine!).

~ the refreshing taste of chilled mandarin oranges for lunch.

~ the afternoon sun is starting to shift in the way she shines down on me which always brings a happy sigh.  It's feeling more and more like fall, my favorite season.

~ this lovely new place to share my heart and for new friends.


Thanks for stopping by!  If you cared to share, I'd enjoy reading what you are thankful for today in the comments. 

  .  *  .

Mirror Selfie ~ Finding a New Voice

It's been interesting for me to notice, especially as I've only recently started snap-chatting with my sister, that it is *Not!!* ok for me to put a band of words over my mouth.  For me, for now, it's feeling too much like being silenced and/or having words put in my mouth.  (Even tho I know the words I've typed are my own.)

It was surprising for me to note in this picture that, while it wasn't intentional, I kinda like how the camera lens is *almost* where my mouth is. (The "almost," as well as not having it appear as if my entire face is "gagged," is probably what makes the crucial difference for me.)  

It sorta feels like an affirmation of my new language of photography.  

.  *  .

Quiet Sunday Blessings

May all of our hearts

be blessed 

with moments of 

peace and quiet. 

*

Sending Love thru Selfies

I am currently taking an e-course Be Your Own Beloved by Vivienne McMaster.  This is my third one since April that has been centered around exploring ways to love ourselves thru self-portraiture so I've been taking selfies on and off for several months now.  With practice, it is no longer a brand new and totally uncomfortable thing for me.  *Of course!,* when I'm having a difficult day it is harder.  But honestly?  Because I've been willing to stay with it, I now have some pictures of me in those spaces, too, that I am able to tenderly hold and welcome my vulnerability.  This learning to love myself in this new way has been a very real blessing and an unexpected one to boot! :)

One of this week's invitation/assignments was to take a photo of ourselves while sending love to ourselves.

I. *Loved.* it.!!

Over the years, I've come to really appreciate that the best photos of me are ones in which I am thinking about and/or in touch with the people and things that I love.  I know that whatever I'm feeling *will* show up on my face.  But it never occurred to me to send love to myself when I take a selfie!!  Grinning because now, of course!, it seems like such an obvious and natural thing.  :)

Right after reading Viv's email, I took a few pictures.  I didn't care for any of those and it wasn't because I didn't have any make-up on or hadn't combed my hair yet.  The pics just didn't feel "right" because of the expressions on my face, which I knew were honest reflections of the place I was in right then.  If I wanted this selfie to be *truly* about sending love to myself (and I did!) I knew that none of those were right and that I didn't have "it" . . . yet.

So I put my camera down and got ready for my day.  As I was getting dressed, I intentionally chose to wear a favorite top in one of my favorite colors.  I wanted to look nice for myself, just as I would if were meeting someone special (which I was!).  I wanted to show up and be there for myself.

About an hour later, as I was leaving for work, I picked up my camera and I tried again, taking lots of pictures.  As I was looking thru them, I came to the photo above and I knew it was was the one.  I'm happily smiling because I loved it so much that I ordered a copy that night and picked it up yesterday morning.

Now I can hold it in my hands, look at it, and send love to myself, whenever I want and/or need to...

.  * . 

Simple Moments of Self-Care

I took an e-course earlier this summer called Be Your Own Beloved - Creating Self-Care Policies by Vivienne McMaster, which I would highly recommend.  One of our assignments was an invitation to spend some time journaling about some of our own "Simple Moments of Self-Care."  (Because not all of us will resonate with the same things, yes?)

I haven't really done a lot of drawing in my life.  So I was a little surprised that, rather than simply write them out, I was inspired to draw and color the things I do (when I remember) that nourish my soul.  I had a grand time working on my page and looking back at it still brings a warm smile.  My list is:

Noticing and writing "small stones" 

an idea I learned from 

the gentle Satya & Kaspa at 

Writing Our Way Home

Cradling and rocking myself, 

a practice I wrote about in this post:

Blessing My Hands

Journal-drawing in this lovely book.

(This was before I knew there 

was such a thing as art-journaling)

Ahhh, a lovely hot bath 

(& sometimes cool)

Candlelight

Entraining to quiet, soothing tick-tocks

Listening, intentionally, to birdsong

Porch-swinging

Being near flowing water

Jammie days!

(this one is hiding under 

my hand in the picture)

A couple more to add this morning:

Writing here on my new blog :)

Singing songs that touch me 

intentionally from my heart

If you cared to share in the comments, I'd enjoy reading about the ways that you take good care of you.

Thanks for stopping by!

An Ode to the Fellas

Faithful crutch friends,

Ernie and Bert,

always there, 

ever alert.

Trusted companions,

lifelong support.

Devoted foundation,

securely escort.

Dancing our own

the fellas and me.

If it weren't for them

where on earth would I be?

.

Beauty

A sweet angel-friend

watches over me 

while I work.

Quietly, calmly

 reminding me 

of Beauty 

and 

Mercy and Grace.

Blessing My Hands

This summer I was more than a little surprised to learn that not only did I have two love languages, but "touch" is one of them.  I'm grinning because when I asked my husband if it surprised him, he didn't hesitate in answering me with a resounding "no!"

(As I expected, my other love language is "words of affirmation".)

Smiling warmly because, now that I've thought about it, it makes perfect sense.  I *am* a toucher!!

Almost without thinking about it (and only when I know it's ok with the other person) it comes very naturally to me to lightly place my hand on someone's arm, caress the sweet softness of my niece-baby's precious face, or offer to share a nice, long hug.  It's not just people either as I will often reach out and touch an object simply because I like to feel the textures of things.

I made the collage above as way to bless and honor both my hands and my love language of touch.

The photo on the top left is of my hand resting on my darlin' hubby of 25 years (*gracious!,* I love that man!).

The top right is my hand tenderly holding a sweet birdie that sits here on the table next to me.

The bottom right nods to my love of writing and journaling, which is how I am best able to listen to my heart and affirm myself and others.  I have only in the last few months started to dabble in art journaling.

The bottom left shows a self-nurturing pose that I have been doing for a good many years now.  Whenever I am in need of a little additional support, I make a point to take some time to sit with my arm gently draped across my heart.  If it's an especially trying day and/or I'm feeling extra vulnerable, I will gently rock myself from side to side while cradling myself with my arm and hand.  Sometimes I softly hum to myself as well.

What's so lovely about this simple and very soothing practice of mine is that I feel very loved and supported when I do it.  An added bonus is that when I'm in a public place no one else has to know that I am taking very good care of me in that moment . . .

. . . unless I want to share it with them.

.

Abide

In a self-portraiture e-course I'm taking, 

we were encouraged to take a photo walk.  

Yesterday was a beautiful summer's day.

A perfect one to stop and lean 

on one of the lovely, 

big, old grandmother oak trees 

in our back yard.

It was nourishing to rest against her 

and dream for a bit.

To abide.

My Girl, Sunshine

Sunshine, is a very special friend.  She was lovingly handmade just for me by a dear friend during a very difficult time in my life.  Having just had major surgery performed on my left leg by a specialist, I was in traction in a hospital that was a long, 5-hour drive away from my entire family.  

My friend delightfully surprised me and lifted my sagging spirit by sending Sunshine with my boyfriend who had made the drive to come see me for a weekend.  When they first arrived, he stood just outside my hospital room door and held my sweet bunny into my room at arms length.  With his help, Sunshine danced for me and said a warm "Hello, Debbie!" in a high-pitched voice.  It was love at first sight and, with great delight, I reached right out for her and immediately pulled her into a hug.    

Remembering that day still brings a warm, fond smile.  She stayed tucked in by my side for the rest of my long hospital stay and was very good and welcomed company.

An interesting aside?  After my boyfriend had left to drive back home, it dawned on me that I was happier to see Sunshine than I was to see him.  It was then that I knew in my heart that it was time to let him go.  

But Sunshine?  I am very happy to report that twenty-eight years later, she remains a very close and dear friend.  :)

Truly.

(Or maybe you can see that!)

First Step :: I am a Dancer

I am an almost 36-year bone cancer survivor.  Because of many, *many* surgeries and *major* complications with big-time infections, most of my femur (thigh bone) has been removed.  As a result, my left leg is about 8" shorter than my right.  My crutches, Bert and Ernie :), are constant companions, helping me to take each step.

It's not easy for me to look at this photo (hmmmm, tears are pricking) . . . 

But as I do, I am smiling tenderly remembering how a friend has called my left one a beautiful dancer's leg.  Seeing me here, dressed in my favorite flowing, pale lavender summer nightgown with the morning light softly shining on me, I can see what she sees.  It is such a blessed gift.

The thing I miss the very *most* about being on crutches -- and sometimes still deeply a-c-h-e for -- is the joyful freedom found in dancing, especially the Texas two-step and waltzes.  

Yet I have often sensed that my love for dancing has gifted me with an ability to walk well, seemingly effortlessly with my crutches.  (ok, so years of practice probably doesn't hurt either :) )

All that to say being named and seen -- and seeing myself! -- as a beautifully graceful dancer, still, touches my heart deeply.  

Angels Watching Over Me

Being comforted 

-- for a very long time now --

by the idea 

of them watching over me, 

guiding and loving me, too,

I am a collector of angels.  

While I don't have as many around me as usual,

there's a whole symphony sprinkled throughout my house

including a rather large choir in the next room! 

Still, I can see 6 from my chair right now.

This lovely one, 

a birthday gift

from my darlin' hubby,

calmly stands

incandescently poised,

on the table right next to me.

Her quiet, soothing words 

are a welcomed, constant reminder:

An

angel

in the house

they say,

will guard

this family

night &

day

amen.

Sister Aunties: Grace and Mercy

Grace has been my fond nickname for my Higher Power for a good long while now.  It started almost 5 years ago when I was facing an unexpected hysterectomy and all that that held for me, including a lot of grief.  One thing I was very clear about at the time was that I needed some freshness in my relationship with God.  With all that was coming, I knew I especially needed a Mother during that difficult time.  So Grace She became to be for me.

Last year was my first to choose a word to journey with me for an entire year.  In reading Stephen Levine's wise book, Unattended Sorrow (one I *highly* recommend), he speaks so tenderly about mercy.  I knew before I was even a third of the way thru his book that mercy was meant to be my first yearly word companion.  

As I walked thru the year, I wanted to have other book traveling companions available to me as well.  Since I was having trouble finding some, I borrowed from books on compassion, mercy's synonym.  Because I could find so many more resources on compassion, I even tried to change my word to compassion (really, I did!), but my heart and my body just wouldn't have it. Mercy it was and mercy it stayed all year long.

Smiling softly because it turns out that following my heart in my word journey was a turning point for me and mercy was exactly the right word for me for 2012.

Early in the year I went looking for a quote about mercy that could also be a traveling companion, supporting "us" (mercy and me) in our year together.  I planned to use it as a signature quote, knowing that I would see it daily and that, too, would help nourish my heart and soul.  When I found the quote below, I *knew* it was the one:

"Mercy and Grace are really sisters,

They're not identical twins

but they are very close sisters, nonetheless.

They are almost constantly found together

and if one is encountered by herself,

the other is not far away."

~ Philip Edwards

I still so *love* this quote and especially appreciate being gifted with the idea of thinking of Mama Grace and Auntie Mercy as sisters.

I've been thinking of starting a new blog for awhile and it seems quite appropriate to name it after two very special auntie sisters whose presence in my life has been such a blessing.

Feeling deeply grateful,