April Love :: Day 29 :: Sanctuary

Dear Sanctuary,

Feeling frazzled and fried from a tough interaction at work and sensing a need for some 

soothing water time yesterday afternoon, I drove by my favorite little pond, a few 

neighborhoods down. This was the first time I've actually ever gotten out and, sitting on 

a cheerful red metal bench near water's edge, I took it all in.

Mallard ducks and Canadian geese swimming and snacking, smooth as glass water except 

for the ripples around my feathered companions, gentle splashing as one of them took a 

bath using a nearby bush as a shower curtain, and the big, beautiful, sky-blue bowl of sky 

holding all of us. 

A warm smile spread as I noticed the deep, calming breaths start to rise and fall 

on their own. ❤

That blessed pocket of Sanctuary was exactly what I needed in that moment to begin 

the unfolding which continues this morning. 

Sometimes it just takes a while, yes?

Yes.

Gratefully, 

Debbie

who is Abidin'

#aprillove2016

.                *               .

Twin Trees and Me

Grace & Mercy Dogwood

from my car window.

(where I take all of my photos of them)

.          *         .

Sabbath Abiding

My angels still bring me such Peace

Gently reminding me

to use great care

in where I intentionally

Abide

Evening 

So love the quilt that my sister made for me

and the ever-present reminder that 

Grace

is always near.

(and still *so* loving this new app, Cortex Cam)

.            *             .

Saturday

Our little guy got the game ball today

(just like he was really, Really, *Really* hoping!)

After being treated to a yummy brunch, 

we rode out to tour this tiny house.

If I wasn't sure before 

(and I was), 

I *know* I couldn't live in one for longer than a week.

Grinning because the policeman I chatted with 

while Tadd parked agrees with me!

Trying out a new camera app

while Tadd walked around.

(no filters!)

Entertaining myself while Tadd was elsewhere.

More playing.

I really liked this one.

And then we headed home.

(And lived happily after!  :) )

.            *               .

Be Here ... Morning

Thankful for gentle morning light 

softly illuminating quiet welcoming space, 

inviting me to 

Be right Here.  

❤️

.             *              .

New Milestone

Hooray for reaching a fun, 

new meditation milestone today!

.            *            .

Supper Seeking

Sitting outside with hubby

eating leftover homemade pizza, 

we were joined by 4 robins.

I tried to get them to stand close together

<wink>

capturing two was the best I could do.

And it is Enough.

.               *              .

Life Needs Frosting

At times?

Indeed it does!

.             *             .

Sunday Afternoon Nap Time

Home from a tasty lunch out, 

hubby set up our chairs here on our back patio a few moments ago. 

Deep breaths come easily and freely 

on a glorious Sunday afternoon 

with springtime mild temps, a soft breeze, and birdsong. 

Ahhhhhh.

 Zzzzzz.  

😉

.            *            .

April Love :: Day 16 :: Dear Legs

Dear Legs,

There've been a few times in my almost 54 years when there was talk of letting the left one 

of you go. 

The first time was when cancer was discovered in my 15-year old body and my "NO" was 

adamant. Smiling softly as my actual words to the orthopedist were "If I'm dying in 6 months, 

I'm taking my leg with me!" 

My new-to-me oncologist had said "the bone cancer you have is one that grows very fast and 

if we don't start you on chemo right away, you won't make it 6 months." While I know he 

never would have gone against my wishes, something I still deeply appreciate about him to 

this day, in hindsight, I don't believe he would've agreed to my NO "as easily" if he didn't 

think it wise.  Instead, I believe he knew that my fierce tenacity would be an important key 

in helping me to survive. ❤️

And the last time, 28 years ago, the raging infection was *so* bad, that third round of infection

since my cancer as a teen. I was 26, had been in the hospital for 3 months starting just 3 weeks 

after we got married, all a short 8 months after I had moved 21 hours away from my entire 

family and the only life I had known.  I was feeling so discouraged and depressed that I 

seriously considered letting go for a very short while. 

Hands down, the hardest time in my life. 

Thank God for the loving angels gathered around me, in particular my sweet husband and a few 

dear ministers. Their kind & willing presence, patient empathy, & wise words helped me know 

that, while things were certainly dire, they weren't life threatening and, at that point, it would 

have been a sacrifice I would deeply regret. . . forever. 

And sure enough, being home with my darlin' hubby and taking lots of soul soothing baths 

(I am a water baby for sure), in time the big, bad infection subsided. 

The only remnants are my left leg is about 8" shorter than my right and I have some pretty big 

battle scars on the outside of my left thigh. But then it was a pretty big battle. 

And between you and a little help from my crutch friends, Bert and Ernie? I get along just fine. 

I am so grateful to still have both of you, dear legs. 

So, *so* deeply grateful. 

Blessed be. 

❤️

#aprillove2016

Edited on 4/25/16 to add:

As I read back over my words this evening I wanted to clarify something that feels really important.

I was still on antibiotics when I went home and closely monitored because my infection was very, very serious. To give you an idea, my doctor at Emory (a big, well-known teaching hospital here in Atlanta), who traveled the world teaching doctors how to treat big time infections, said that mine was the second worst he'd ever seen.

So when they sent me home, I knew the deal was that if things took a turn for the worst, I would need to come right back into the hospital. I was just so deeply grateful and profoundly relieved for the doctors willingness to let me try to just be at *home* for a while.

Still, she says with a soft smile. . . there's not a doubt in my mind that the love of my dear hubby, being home, and the baths in my own tub helped to soothe and heal my broken spirit for sure. I believe *in my bones* that this is what helped me (finally) to turn the corner.

❤️

.             *            .

April Love :: Day 15 :: Dear Shadow

Dear Shadow,

We're dancing a lot these days, you and I, aren't we?

When reaching for my hand and pulling me to my feet, I can't help but notice that rather than the welcomed waltzes of my childhood with the soothing 1-2-3, 1-2-3 melodies, inviting whirls and twirls across the polished hardwood floor, and sweeping elegance, this music is foreign to me.

I'm not nearly as sure of myself or comfortable with the push/pull rhythm and staccato movements this new genre seems to require. 

While deeply painful at times, and sometimes I fear it's merely a hustle in disguise, when I get quiet and listen, I know in my heart of hearts that these dance lessons are important, too.

And so, as best I can, I stay with it.... I stay with you, a very real part of me with something crucial to teach me, both about myself and about life.

Some days the reality is that I'm just not up to your invitations to tango, preferring familiarity and comfort and I know that's ok. 

You are a wise, and fair teacher, willing to sit with me on the side for a while, offering me a cup of refreshing strawberry punch in a clear, crystal-cut glass while I catch my breath, patiently waiting until I am ready and willing to try 'er again, knowing that in truth? 

This is part of the dance of life as well.

While not always easy to be sure, I am grateful for your faithful partnering.

Blessed be.

❤️

#aprillove2016

#timetotellit

.             *            .

Sparkling Twins

Feels only right to continue journeying 

with Grace and Mercy Dogwood. 

This morning they seemed to sparkle in the spring sunshine. 

Is this what it means to bloom where you're planted?

Yes. I think so, too. 

💞

.            *            .

April Love :: Day 14 :: Dear Courage

Dear Courage,

Today was about trying something new in a difficult situation, a practice in courage and 

discernment as well. 

After I'd written (and rewritten) my email, I took some time to be with it and ponder. 

Was I sharing too much, being too vulnerable?

While an old, painful pattern to be sure, I didn't think so.

Would it be received in the spirit I intended?

There was no way to know. 

Would I regret sending it?  Would it be used against me at a later time?

.

Perhaps. 

Would I regret it more if I didn't give this a go?

In my heart of hearts I knew the answer for today was "yes."

So I took a deep breath, whispered a little prayer, and practiced being Brave by clicking 

"send."

'tis in Grace's care now. 

Blessed be

❤️

#aprillove2016

.              *            .

Let it be Gentle

#timetotellit

.            *            .

A Map to Here

A Map [to] Here

As I read the prompt, I really liked the idea of a map honoring how I came to be here... to be me... in the form of a photo collage. <3

The 4 photos in the upper left, clockwise: 

1.  an Easter picture of my family from 1975; 

2.  my Daddy hugging me good-bye as hubby and I were leaving to come home; 

3.  sweet hubby and I in one of our very favorite places; 

4.  a photo of the love that was shared between my Moma and I (a hard relationship 

     that one, a story needing a map all on it's own).

The 4 photos in the upper right, clockwise:

1.  the statue of Mary at our church that I love to stop by and say hello to 

     (she has been a very real and comforting presence for me since I was a wee one); 

2.  a recent photo reminding me to bloom where I am planted, even when my particular 

     flower looks and stands different from all of those around me; 

3.  the porch swing I gifted myself by allowing my Daddy to take the time to put it back 

     up for me on his recent, short visit here; 

4.  2 sweet trees that I've fondly nicknamed Grace and Mercy which I've become quite fond 

     of as I followed them last fall, taking a photo a week to watch their transformation 

     and to remind me of my own.  While it may be slow, metamorphosis does happen and in 

     the end?  It is quite beautiful.

The 4 photos in the bottom left are gentle reminders of what grounds me right now:

1.  Moonshine (which has since morphed into "Moonlight"), Be Here, Simple Beauty, 

     Peace and Grace all my Core Desired Feelings and the painting of my favorite lighthouse 

     reminds me that they are my guiding lights. 

2.  four sweet angels were a Christmas gift from my hubby and are gathered around a sweet 

     red oil lamp bought at a favorite place not far from here.  This tableau reminds me of my 

     word for this year, Abide, and nudges me to pay attention to where and in who's care I am 

     placing myself.  

3.  my "Be Still, Deb" playlist, many of the songs also reminding me to Abide.  

     Hands down, my favorite one right now is "Abide with Me" by MP Jones.

The bottom right is a favorite selfie.

Yes.  

This is the map... 

my way to and back home to me. 

#timetotellit

.            *            .

April Love :: Day 10 (& 11) :: Dear First Love (and Hunger)

Dear First Love,

Sweet Moma, it was always, *always* you. 

The one who made ringlets with your fingers from my 3-year old curly, dark brown hair. 

The one who took extra time with me when I started going steady with my first boyfriend. 

The one who's sound of her walk on the hospital hallway floor I recognized before you made 

it to my room every single time, even after there had been a great divide between us. Did I 

ever tell you what a comforting reassurance that was for me? I sure Hope so. 💕

It saddens me to this day that through some difficult choices on both of our parts I lost sight 

of that for a long, long while. 

But when I remembered?  You were right there, graciously offering more of your love to me. (Hmmm... that shared holy time of ours still fills me with tears of gratitude.)

I'm thankful we found our way back to one another before you passed to the other side.

And yet I hunger, and at times like today, I ache for so much more. . .  Now that I'm older, I 

long to hear more about you and your hopes, and fears, and dreams. 

Smiling softly because it delights me to no end to hear someone say me they see your 

beautifully, kind face in mine.

And I feel deeply comforted and reassured when I, too, catch glimpses of you in the mirror's reflection.  

Perhaps you aren't as far away from me as it sometimes feels?  Perhaps you never were.   

I hope you know how deeply, sincerely, genuinely proud I am to be your daughter.   

All my love,

Debbie JoAnn

who is Abidin'

#aprillove2016

(I'm so grateful that there are photos of us together 

with me as an adult, too.)

.             *            .

Writing Letters as a "Be Here" Practice

My grandmother lived on a farm in the 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's.  Not only did she love to
write letters, it was the only realistic way of keeping in touch with her two children that
had moved far away along with other relatives and friends. I still fondly remember how
she would gather her extended family in her front room on a Sunday afternoon and
encourage us younger ones to sit still and listen while she read the latest letter she
received to all of us.

Through her, I grew to love to write letters and have always loved receiving snail mail as
well.  As an aside, I so loved it when email arrived because it seemed to revive the practice
of letter writing. While it's not the same as receiving a hand written letter, I've so enjoyed
hearing from those that I wouldn't have otherwise that I'll take it .... in a heartbeat!

I've always known it was the little daily details that I loved the most, both hearing from my
family and friends, but also what I most enjoyed sharing. In the last few years, I've come to
realize that starting a letter with what it looks like outside my window is really a practice in
being right here - aka practicing paying attention and/or mindfulness. It pulls me into the
present moment because I have to stop, notice, and think about how to phrase what I'm
seeing and sensing. It's a gift to me and, from the letters I receive, I know it's a gift to my
reader as well. When I journal (which a lot of times is simply a love letter to myself), I'll start
with the small ordinary details around me to help ground me .  At the minimum I note the
date, time, and temperature outside.

So a small snapshot of what it looks like here in my little corner of the world right now is:

It's dusk as I type this and the chilly, all-day belated March winds of yesterday have finally
settled into a welcomed calm. Two candles have been quietly burning all afternoon, one on
the small end table right here next to me and the other a short distance away with 4 of my
favorite angels gathered around the flame. I find myself grateful for the light as I haven't
gotten up yet to turn on the lights and, she says with a warm grin, aside from the glow of
my computer screen, it's getting pretty dark around here . . .

.           *          .

April Love :: Day 9 :: Dear Imagination

Dear Imagination,

You bring the welcomed gifts of wonder, texture, and surprise into my life.

Thank you for gently reminding me that what at first glance might appear to be a backyard

full of weeds?

With a little creative imagination can become a meadow of wild loveliness inviting me to 

join in the blooming, all while trustin' that I am standing in the beautiful light of Grace . . . too.

(Perhaps even more often than I realize.)

Blessed be. 

❤

#aprillove2016

.           *            .

Mary's Morning Medicine

.           *            .

Blooming Mercy and Grace Dogwood

Turns out Grace and Mercy 

had just started their blooming last week. 

.

So love that the Twins continue to bless me 

with wonderful, Hope-filled surprises! 

💕

.           *             .

April Love :: Day 8 :: Dear Younger Me

Dear Younger Me,

who still lives inside my heart, 

We've walked through the fire, you and I, haven't we?  Despite the tough times, and some 

were *so* much harder than others, under Grace's care and your watchful eye, I am still alive 

and well. 

Who you are

and 

what you did  

helped save me. 

Of this I have no doubt. 

You can let go of the reigns, sweet girl, and run go jump and play now, trustin' that I've got 

this. Yes, she says with a playful smile, some days you may wonder if that's true and that's ok. 

(Some days I wonder, too 😉)

There is still so much to learn and do. Please continue to be patient with me as it just might 

take me some time (learning curves are like that) but I'll figure it out. 

There's nothing more for you to do but sit back, rest, and enjoy the ride, all while continuing 

to be your darlin' little self. 

As you settle in, please know that I am smiling softly your way, deeply grateful for all you've 

done over the years in the name of taking good care of us. I am better for it. 

Blessed be.

💞

#aprillove2016

.          *           .

April Love :: Day 7 :: Dear Rest

Dear Rest,

You can come to me in so many different ways, even when I am unable to lie down. 

Alls I need do is

Stop. . .

Breathe. . .

Be Here. . .

and Notice. . .

What do I see?  What do I hear?  What do I smell?  What do I feel?  What do I taste?

Simple Beauty is all around me. 

And sometimes?  Mother Nature soothes and eases my frayed and weary soul more than 

sleep ever could. 

Blessed be. 

❤️

#aprillove2016 

#nofilter

.           *            .

April Love :: Day 6 :: Dear Books

Dear [Cook]books,

Poring over your pages, whether I am looking to cook something in particular or am just 

enjoying looking at your pictures and reading thru your recipes has long been a favorite 

pastime of mine. 

Thank you for hours and hours  (and hours) of pleasure. 

Blessed be. 

#aprillove2016 

#nofilter 

.             *              .

April Love :: Day 5 :: Dear Intuition

Dear Intuition,

Thank you for being there when I quietly checked in this afternoon. I felt you calmly 

whispering back to me, "Not yet, dear girl. We will address this uncomfortable imbalance at 

work one day. For now, just rest in the practice and Simple Beauty of Being right Here, in this moment. The time, the wisdom, and the words will come soon enough, my child.  Promise."

Smiling softly because an acronym for intuition's synonym, gut, is:

G-od (or Grace)

U-sing

T-elepathy. 

Yes. 

And amen.

#aprillove2016 

.           *          .

April Love :: Day 4 :: Dear Morning

Dear Morning, 

I am smiling softly because you and I both know that I don't always start my day by spending 

a few intentional moments with you. While I do love the mornings, I tend more towards night 

owl, finding the dark's particular face of quiet soothing. 

When I do remember to take some morning soul-nourishing and heart-calming quiet time my 

day goes so much better. 

*I* am so much better. ❤️

Smiling as I notice the birds singing their morning greetings to one another. A deeply cherished 

gift I would have missed had I not stopped just now.

Blessed be. 

❤️

#aprillove2016

.            *           .

April Love :: Day 3 :: Dear Feet

I'm a 38-year bone cancer survivor 

and, because of the difference in length of my femurs, 

my dear feet haven't met the ground in the same way for 30+ years.

This photo captures and honors my unique standing position. 

Resting my left foot just so on my right foot, for balance

 I depend on my crutches and Grace.

Always Grace 

❤️

#aprillove2016

.           *            .

April Love :: Day 2 :: Dear Home

Spring in the south means beautiful, blooming azaleas everywhere.  

These pink lovelies live (and dance! 😉) in front of our dear home. 

#aprillove2016 

.             *             .

April Love 2016

Posting in case you'd like to join me . . . 😉

#aprillove2016

.             *             .