Thursday, December 25, 2014

TBT :: Red Gingham Christmas


Remembering 
with great fondness 
how Moma used to make us 
matching Christmas 
dresses and shirts.

I don't remember helping to sew these 
but I might have. . 

I do remember 
standing at the fabric cutting tables 
in TG&Y 
as the salesman was helping Moma 
figure out how much fabric to buy 
for our long, dark green dresses. 

I was so impressed that 
he was offering her a deal 
because she was buying so much fabric.

She was very beautiful and talented.

I was so very proud to be her daughter
and I still am.

Miss her, too.

.         *         .

InstaAdvent 26 :: Christmas Celebration


All 5 of us on the love seat together
was one of my very favorite moments 
of last night's Christmas Eve gathering.

(When hubby said K has her tongue sticking out!
Her mama said, that's how we know she's happy!)


.        *        .

Advent 2014 - Praying in Color


This was my first time to do this
and I really enjoyed it!

Some times I wasn't sure
*what* I'd draw to represent the day's word.

But.
I found that I liked 
pushing myself to be creative.
(and practicing that it 
didn't have to be perfect, too)

A note for next time:
as suggested, 
I ran the tree on a piece of card stock.
I'm really glad I did!

.        *         .

InstaAdvent 25 :: Slipper


Grinning because today's prompt was actually "stocking,"
but we didn't get them out this year.

This works, right?  :)

.         *         .

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Peace 2015

(This photo is a gift from my friend, Beth.)

Peace has gently snuggled up next to me in the last little while, and I welcome her companionship in 2015.  Smiling, because loving Advent as much as I do and with it also the beginning of a new church year, it seems appropriate to start my time with my new word for the year now, just as I did with Hope last year.

I'm coming to appreciate that I have a pretty strong automatic fight/flight response and so anxiety is/has been a common experience for most of my life.

I welcome Peace's invitation to see what she might have to teach me. Far from peace at any price (denial), I feel called to practice her wisdom of seeing things for what they are, breathing to help calm myself, letting it be (as best I can in each moment) and trusting I will be led with the next right thing when the timing is right.

In the meantime, I can trust, waiting and resting in her welcoming, soothing presence.
May it be so.
Amen
.        *        .

InstaAdvent 24 :: Gifts


My wrapping is done.

(Yay!!)

.         *         .

InstaAdvent 23 :: Christmas Cookies


One of our partner's at work shared the goodies 
in his gift basket from a client.

These are blueberry, coconut shortbread cookies - yum!

Along with my new friend, Percy, the penguin.

.        *        .

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Practicing Peace



I'm grateful for a few more quiet moments with Mary on her donkey this morning. 

Another "pillar" in Tadd's church has died (Virgil was in his 90's and had a long battle with Alzheimers) so this afternoon we'll be going to his visitation and his funeral is tomorrow.

We never did get decorated for Christmas and we're both feeling disappointed and a little sad. Tadd *loves* to decorate the outside of our house! So much so that we won the neighborhood decorating contest a few years back. (We have *a lot* of lights!! ) I'm sad to say this is about the third time in the last five years that we haven't decorated.

But, mostly? I feel relieved - my dear, sweet hubby fell from a ladder while decorating and broke his back 10 years ago so any time he's up on the ladder is a bit anxious for both of us. Those (millions of?) boxes are up *high* (like 10') and *heavy* so I don't really want him up there, especially because, for now, by himself my darlin' is at the weight limit for our ladder.

I was unexpectedly delighted at how much I enjoyed last night's live nativity put on by Tadd's church. It was cold and damp (for us) so I debated on going. Knowing our little ones would be there was just the nudge I needed and I know it meant a lot to Tadd to have all of us there. It was really quite lovely . . . and I was tickled by the photos I got with my iPhone.

Peace has snuggled up here next to me as my word for 2015 and already she's been good company. 

What I know to be true about me is that anxiety *is* a part of my wiring... period. While I'm not looking to practice peace at any price (denial), I'm very interested in finding and practicing peace, most especially in the midst of anxiety. I want to really focus on deepening my practice of remembering to take really good and gentle care of me, especially when an anxiety storm is brewing. 

Ah, so in borrowing from our Buddhist brothers and sisters, I'm feeling an invitation to to practice a deeper hospitality with myself, especially when feeling anxious.



.         *          .

InstaAdvent 22 :: Rejoice



Smiling because I actually think of rejoice 
as more enthusiastic and "loud" than I'm feeling.

But I really am grateful for a few more 
quiet moments with Mary this morning
so I think that counts.

.          *          .


InstaAdvent 21 :: Festive

Hubby was part of a live nativity tonight.

He's the wiseman on the far right.






His personal cheering section.  :)




Our little ones by the Chrismon tree.

.          *          .



Friday, December 19, 2014

InstaAdvent 20 :: Holiday Prep






Grinning because I couldn't decide
which photo I liked better.

The Christmas tree fabric 
is my apron that I've worn 
for years (and years!).

I made it using one of Moma's
for a pattern 
and it's like the ones 
she and Grandma used to wear.

When I bake,
especially at holiday time,
I like to have a lighted candle with me,
just like a dear family friend 
and her mom did.

The flame reminds me of fond times 
spent in the kitchen 
preparing nourishment for our family
with the women I love so much.

Many of them
have passed on 
and the candle reminds me
that they are still close by
and their love

never 

burns away.

.          *          .

InstaAdvent 19 :: Snow


Hubby gave me this
sweet "Dreamcicles" snow globe
many (20?) years ago.

.         *         .

InstaAdvent 18 :: Decorations


.          *          .

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

InstaAdvent 17 :: [Advent] Tree


Mary and I are 
progressing along.

.         *          .

InstaAdvent 16 :: Winter Sport


Sunday we went to see a friend's daughter
dance as the Snow Queen in 
The Nutcracker.

She did a beautiful job and I felt so very proud of her.

The same day there was a hockey game
in another area of the venue.

(I'm glad we did what we did instead!  :) )

.        *         .



Sunday, December 14, 2014

InstaAdvent 15 :: Nativity


The nativity at hubby's church this morning 
was so beautiful. 

.           *           .



Saturday, December 13, 2014

InstaAdvent 14 :: Christmas Lights



.        *        .



InstaAdvent 13 :: Hope


This prompt was easy because Hope is my word for 2014
and this necklace has been around my neck a lot in the last year.
I treasure it's quiet reminder to practice hope.

As I've said before, 
it was quite a surprise to find Hope
snuggled up next to me, 
asking if she might travel with me for awhile,
because
I had pretty much discarded her
a very long time ago.

Smiling softly 
because her first lesson to me this year
was the reason I felt 
so very disappointed in her
was because I had been placing my hope
in the wrong
(and untrustworthy)
places.

When I place my Hope 
in the right places,
Grace,
for example,
I can trust 
that things will all work out in the end.

Even when it may not feel like it in this moment
(or even the next).

.    *    .

Smiling softly
because it only occurred to me in the last week 
to add Moma's 3 little bells to my necklace of Hope.
I'm liking it very much.

.         *         .

Thursday, December 11, 2014

InstaAdvent 12 :: St. Nick


One of hubby's favorite Santas.
His twin is up in the attic, 
waiting to come down
with the rest of our decorations.

.        *         .

InstaAdvent 11 :: Seasonal Selfie


Me and my new friend, Percy.

.           *          .


InstaAdvent 10 :: Candy Canes


I found candy canes on my Christmas sweater.

Love it when that happens!  

.       *         .

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

What I want you to know

In this round of Love Notes, our second prompt was "What I want you to know."  As with last week, a short poem poured forth.  

What I want you to know
is you don't have to go.
It's ok to say no
and nourish your soul.

Hmm, were these words more for my recipient or for me?

Boundaries continue to be a big theme for me and I'm actually feeling grateful.  It's sinking in, deeper and deeper, that just because walls aren't all that effective, that doesn't mean I don't need boundaries.  More and more, I'm seeing ways in which I give too much and it's starting to feel possible to let go of taking care of and feeling responsible for others.

Had a lovely chat with a wise one yesterday and she asked me, on a couple of occasions, "who are you responsible for?"  We were talking about work and a co-worker who I used to be close with.  I've felt bad because of the distance I've placed between us, feeling it was (yet another) a wall.  But what my friend invited me to see is that maybe it's a boundary instead and a necessary one at that.  My co-worker can be a bully and she interrupts me often.  Aside from being annoying, it pokes me in that "you and your needs are way too big" place.  It feels like she's trying to control and silence me .... because she is.

My friend reminded me that not only is my co-worker in my life for a reason (at least in part to help me to learn to set boundaries), I'm also in her life for a reason.  My allowing her to bulldoze over me, in other words not practicing boundaries with her, doesn't serve either of us.

Yesterday afternoon, when she and I had to sit together to work thru an issue she was having, I was in a calm, peaceful place.  I was also "driving" (my hands were on my computer keyboard and mouse) and when she'd want me to look in one dropdown menu while I was searching through another, I would calmly say, "just a minute" and "hold on," as I finished looking in the place where I was.

She needed my help and I was able to do it on my terms and it was so good.  I think we both left the interaction feeling good about it which feels Hope-filled for me.

Grinning because I'm not even pretending that it will always go this well when we sit together from here on out.  But it was really nice that it went so well yesterday and it's a lovely addition to my boundary track record.

I didn't have to go 
in the direction 
(on my computer screen 
or in our relationship) 
that she wanted me to. 

I could listen 
to what was in my heart, 
say no to her 

and nourish my soul
by saying 
a much bigger yes to me.

(Just as it should be,
especially since we are both adults.)

I am grateful.

.         *         .



Quietly Continuing


.          *          .

Monday, December 8, 2014

InstaAdvent 9 :: Christmas Card

So, today there's a story to go along with my picture(s).
 
This Christmas card has been in the front of my bible
since the year we received it.
 
 
Like most,
I tended to focus on the Holy Family at Christmas time.
(Which isn't a bad thing, right?)
 
But I'd never really thought about
 intentionally asking
 the wise men to join me
and my always-seeking heart
during this time of year.
 
That is, until I read the inside of this one.
 
(It's from my sister.)
 
 
Surely, the wise men (and women) are patron saints
of those who search.
 
I take great comfort in that. 
 
They didn't know exactly where they were going.
 
It probably wasn't the straightest
or easiest of journeys.
 
And yet,
they knew they had to go.
 
And follow their hearts.
 
And our great and gentle God
sent a star to guide their every step.
Even when they weren't sure.
(I'm mighty partial to stars, ya know.)
 
Just as she does with us today.
 
Smiling very fondly now because my
precious Moma
died on January 6, 1997,
Epiphany.
 
Our aunt, Moma's sister,
said that the wise men were leading her to Jesus
as Moma happily danced along behind them.
 
The image still touches me to tears.
 
As an aside
(or is it?),
I was feeling kinda ready
to send out our Christmas cards
in the last little while.
 
But.
 
I have so loved sending them out at Epiphany
(the word means a new, wondrous awareness)
the last two years,
that I think I'm going to stick with my new tradition instead.
 
Seems Epiphany is Moma's
last,
precious
Christmas gift
that she continues to give to us.
 
(tears)
 
I love you, Moma!
 
.         *         .

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Mandala ~ Witness


This mandala was born in the wee hours 
when anxiety was paying me yet another visit
during what has been a difficult year. 

I just drew lines and colored shapes as felt right. 

When it was finished 
and I held it up to look at it, 
my breath caught. 

This mandala speaks to me 
of great Hope.
(and Grace, Mercy, and Enough, too) 

The oldest, deepest, still-convalescing part of me,
swaddled in a green blanket of growth, 
continues her life-long process of recovery.

 And, while it has taken a very long time,
 she, 
that broken, bruised and abandoned little girl,
who still lives inside my heart,
 no longer fills the entire circle of my life, 
threatening to both overwhelm me
and go way outside the lines. 

Instead the curtain of the dark night of the soul
is gently, persistently being drawn back

and there is now 
an almost equal space for the loving, 
Care-filled witness part of me,
who *wants* to be there,

here,

too. 

This feels like very holy, sacred and honoring work.

(Know that I am grateful for your witness as well)

.           *          .

I am Beauty


When I posted this photo on Facebook,
I received many kind comments, 
including a friend saying that I'm photogenic.

I smiled softly because some days are better than others.

This was definitely a good day for selfies.

Just wanted to quietly name, honor,
and remember that truth here.

I am beauty.

Yes.

.         *        .

InstaAdvent 8 :: Candles


Plus a peek at my "Praying in Color" Advent calendar.

I'm *so* enjoying this process!

.          *         .



Saturday, December 6, 2014

InstaAdvent 7 :: Love


My goddaughter and me,
4 years ago.

(She's the one
who's sharing
the InstaAdvent 
photo adventure
with me)

.          *          .

Friday, December 5, 2014

InstaAdvent :: Wreath



My cherished wooden spiral Advent wreath.

Each day I move pregnant Mary on her donkey
and my candle down one space.

.         *         .



Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

InstaAdvent 3 :: Giving


Giving. 

A new friend 
called to me this morning 
from the store shelf 
he was sitting on, 
promising 
to give me smiles at work. 

Who knew 
just how much 
I'd need him
 *today* 
for that very thing?!

.        *         .

Sunday, November 30, 2014

InstaAdvent 1 :: Advent Calendar


My goddaughter and I are participating in Busted Halo's InstaAdvent Photo-a-Day Challenge.  Living several states apart, we don't get to do a whole lot of connecting and I thought this might be fun for us to share.  I'm looking forward to it!

The wooden spiral on the left is my treasured Advent wreath.  While not a "traditional" Advent calendar, as I move both the votive candle and wooden Mary on her donkey one place farther down the spiral road to the center, the three of us are keeping track of the days on our Advent journey. 

Mary and her donkey are standing on the table between the rounds of the spiral, right above my burning votive.  No worries if you can't make them out, she says with a twinkle, I'm sure I'll post a clearer photo later.  

The calendar on the right is a new-to-me practice, introduced by a kind friend called "Praying in Color."  I'm looking forward to trying it as well and the template I'm using can be found here.

.             *             .




Busted Halo :: InstaAdvent :: Photo-a-Day Challenge


I'm looking forward to participating in 
Busted Halo's InstaAdvent Photo-a-Day Challenge 
with my goddaughter.

Blessing Basking ~ Day 30


Today I am grateful for the beautiful angels 
that quietly stand in the side windows 
on either side of the little country church 
that I like to slip off to on a Saturday evening. 

I always greet them with a warm smile, 
knowing their arrival means that 
Advent, 
my favorite season of the church year, 
is here.

.             *             .

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Blessing Basking ~ Day 29


Today I am grateful 
for your presence with me 
as I've been counting and basking 
in my blessings this month. 

Thank you for your company, 
your comments, 
and the gift of your loving witness.

.          *          .

Friday, November 28, 2014

Blessing Basking ~ Day 28


Today I am grateful for a fun (and funny!) surprise from my sweetie.

.         *         .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 27


Today I am grateful for family time 
on Thanksgiving, 
including some quiet moments 
spent holding our sweet baby nephew, Noah.

.             *            .

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Blessing Basking ~ Day 26

Today I am grateful 
for a cherished family tradition 
of sharing the company 
of a lit candle in the kitchen, 
especially when preparing holiday dishes. 

The flame reminds me 
of loved ones who have gone on before me. 
While I may miss them, 
terribly at times, 
I believe they are still near 
and holding me in their heart, 
just as I do them. 

My special angel candleholder 
was a gift from a dear friend 
at a difficult time 
during a blessing 
before a medical procedure 
and my "Auntie Em" mixing bowl 
was a wedding gift. 
(I still love it!)

.          *          .

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Blessing Basking ~ Day 25


Today I am grateful for how uplifted I feel when I watch this show 
(So You Think You Can Dance, too!). 

Following their journeys 
and seeing how hard both the contestants and pro's work 
and the unexpected creativity born 
from working what you have inspires me so much! 

(Congratulations, Alphonso!)

.               *             .


Blessing Basking ~ Day 24


Today I am grateful for a sweet guardian angel's company on my way home.

.            *              .

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Blessing Basking ~ Day 23


Today I am grateful for some time 
to combine two things I love ~ 
mandala-making 
while listening to a story 
intended to reclaim and honor the voice 
(and reputation) of women.

.   *   .

If you're curious, Heather Plett's
mandala course info can be found here.

Ronna Detrick's beautiful story
about Eve
that I was listening to this morning
can be found here.

.            *            .