A Wonderful Surprise

We found out very last minute that our nephew, who lives in Texas (as does all of the rest of my family), would be driving thru Atlanta from one medical school surgery rotation in Kentucky to his next one in Tampa. We hadn't see him in over 3 years and haven't had a visit here from any of my family in 10 years so it was a very unexpected treat!

Chase is such a gentle, kind-hearted young man and will make such a good doctor. We are both very proud of him! (or perhaps you could already tell? :) )

. * .

Look for the Angels

(photo credit)

"Look for the Angels" is a playful, made-up game, born in a Grace-inspired moment during a rough patch many years ago.  At the time I was looking for a gentle way to try to help shift things inside of me and it's proven to be so helpful that, when I remember, I still turn to it when I'm struggling.

The idea is to simply keep an eye out for things that are going well and start countin' 'em, Sista!  Smiling because, when beginning a new round of my game, I always remind myself that *anything* counts no matter how small. Grinning now because I have often counted a green light as evidence of an angel's presence in my life.

For me, my playful little game takes "count your blessings" one step further.  Actively looking for my angels gently encourages (and nudges) me to see (and remember) that my blessings are intentionally placed in my path by someone who is watching over me.  Given my eye for detail, it means a great deal to me to *see* that Mama Grace and Auntie Mercy lovingly care for and about me, even in the tiniest of details.

And sure enough, given enough time to allow myself to see how many "angels" are already right here, I start to feel better and more lighter.  It becomes easier to practice trustin' once again.

There's a wise phrase I heard somewhere that goes something like "you're already aware of everything that's going wrong so gently turn your attention to what's going right." (I wish I could place where that little gem came from but, alas, I was unable to google it.)

I love the story of Mister Rogers and how his mama would say to him "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." I didn't hear about this until a year or so ago during a recent tragedy.  I'm still *so* grateful to those knew his sweet story and shared it because it's come to mean a great deal to me.

Smiling softly because looking for my angels, counting my blessings, and Mister Rogers' looking for the helpers all simply feel like different facets of the same beauty-filled self-care nourishment.

If you cared to share, I'd love to hear in the comments how you take good care of you when in a rough patch.

.     *     .

P.S. - if you haven't seen Mister Rogers tell his story, he really does have such a soothing, tender voice. Hmmmm.... what a wonderful example and role-modeling of how I want to talk to myself.
Here's the link: http://www.fci.org/new-site/par-tragic-events.html

Graphic used with permission from DJ Inkers.

Gone Fishin'

Well . . . not quite.

Heard from our nephew this morning that he's going to be passing thru today so I've been busy getting ready for his visit.

Grinning from ear to ear, too, as we haven't had any company from my side of the family for 10 years!

More later . . .

:)

.     *     .

Affirmation ~ Grace Loves to Look at Us . . .

Just reading this lovely passage softly out loud brings a lot of comfort.   

"[Grace] loves to look at us,

and loves it when we look back at [her].

Even when we try to run away from our

troubles ... [Grace] will find us, and bless us, even

when we feel most alone,

unsure if we'll survive the night.

[Grace] will find a way to let know that [she]

is with us *in this place,* wherever we are,

however far we think we've run.

And maybe that's one reason we worship --

to respond to grace.

We praise [Grace] not to celebrate our own faith

but to give thanks for the faith [Grace] has in 

us.  To let ourselves look at [Grace], and let

[Grace] look back at us.  And to laugh,

and sing, and be delighted because 

[Grace] has called us [her] own."

Amazing Grace

by Kathleen Norris

page 151

.     *     .

~ 

Wordless Wednesday ~ Good Company

.     *     .

Thankful Tuesday ~ Special Hubby Edition

Today is my dear hubby's birthday so I thought it would be a lovely idea to share some of the reasons I am thankful for him:

~ those beautiful eyes that first caught my attention 27 years ago

~ his warm and always ready smile, sometimes mischievous

~ his big-as-the-sky heart that loves and cares so much 

~ the way he breaks out into song, often with a joyful exuberance 

~ his wise ability to accept people for who they are, trusting folks to act in line with 

   their nature

   (I believe this is one of his super-powers)

~ the way he sometimes gets *so* tickled 

   (and how much it tickles me to see how tickled he is)

  

~ his willingness to go along with his wife's antics.  In the picture above, he is rocking 

   with "Sasparillo the Armadillo" sent to us from our goddaughter in Texas.  

   (Sasparillo is similar to Flat Stanley)

~ his kind, intentional thoughtfulness

   one example:  when walking up a slight incline, he'll often put his hand to my back 

   and gently apply a little pressure.  The first time he did it, I was surprised because no 

   one had ever thought to do that before.  It was *amazing* to me how much that little 

   push helped!

~ he is a very best hugger I know

~ the privilege of getting to be the one who is his wife and for the blessing of sharing 25 wonderful years together.

I love you, Dear!!

.     *     .

Glorious

We are having glorious fall weather these days.

When I count my blessings, 

days like this are my very favorite

kind to count twice.

.     *     .

Keeping Watch

Angels and candles have been a soothing comfort for me for a long, long while.

Being an (almost) 36-year bone cancer survivor, there have been many, many lonely days, weeks and months in my life.  Lots of them were spent in a sick bed, both in the hospital and at home, and, because of the length of my various recuperations, the harsh reality was that someone couldn't be there for, and with, me 24/7.  I (mostly) understood why I had to be alone for most of those uncertain and often scary times.  

But.  That didn't make them easy.  

In time, I began to lean heavily and grab onto the cherished tradition of our Communion of Saints, the belief that all of us - past, present, and future - make up one active and alive caring "communion" or family.

Knowing that, for whatever reasons, the folks in my life couldn't be there with me like I needed, I took great comfort in the thought of angels surrounding me, watching over me and protecting me.  I especially cherished the idea that some of my angels were dearly beloveds who had already passed on and who's love for me was still there (here).  Part of my hope and my practice was that because they didn't have the daily burden of worries and concerns of the humans walking around with me, they had more "room" for me.  More love, too.

In time, I grew to really love and draw comfort from the idea of someone (or *lots* of someones!) watching over me.  And it makes sense, really, with all that I've been thru.  

Something else I cherish from my spiritual roots is the practice of lighting candles.  Smiling softly because it's still one of my favorite things to do and when I go to church I always make sure I have a few candle-lighting coins in my pocket for afterwards.  There's something very spirit-quenching for me about intentionally, prayerfully lighting a candle, thinking of my loved one as I do.  When I quietly slip off towards home, I know I can leave my concerns there and they (and me) will be held and watched over by Mama Grace, Auntie Mercy and their angels.

Years ago, a very dear friend's mom was visiting and they had a lighted candle in the kitchen with them as they worked together.  When I first asked about it, "Gramma" told me that it was just like the candles we light in church.  She said the light was meant to be a prayer, reminding them each time they caught sight of the flame of [Grace's] presence and that She would hold their concerns and loved ones as they worked.

I *loved* this idea of being able to bring an intentional candle lighting practice into my own home.  Smiling fondly because when I'm baking, especially for Christmas, I will often light a candle in my kitchen to remind me of those I love, especially those who've passed on (and yet are still with me and only a thought away), and any prayer concerns I might have on that particular day.

I love the picture above because it combines two very precious traditions, passed down from my lineage, and have become important practices my own.

Smiling softly because the day I took the photo was a rough one and I had surrounded myself with five pairs of both an angel and a candle.  All were very good and welcomed company and, along with some quiet music, my journal and some time, the pain eased.  Truly, once again, my holy company gently helped usher in some much needed peace.

.     *     .

Small Stone ~ Six Word Saturday

Rainy Saturday 

and football?

Nap time!

.      *     .

Affirmation ~ Today I Will Wait . . .

For whatever reasons, I've tended toward anxiousness in my life so rather than waiting, my first response is to do something, anything!  I've learned over time and experience that this isn't always (usually) the best way to go about things.  Intentionally slowing down and actively waiting can be very hard for me, especially when it's been awhile and/or I'm feeling *really* anxious.

All that to say that this affirmation isn't always the easiest one for me to pick up again.  But, as I've found with so much of Melody Beattie's writing, if I'll patiently stay with it, as best I can in that moment, her words eventually begin to sink in, soothing and nourishing the ragged, parched places in me.

This "affirmation" is taken straight from her book, The Language of Letting Go:

Today, I will wait, if waiting is

the action I need in order to 

take care of myself.  I will

know that I am taking a 

positive, forceful action by

waiting until the time is right.

God, help me let go of my fear, 

urgency and panic.  Help

me learn the art of waiting 

until the time is

right.  Help me

learn timing.

I found a full version of her beautifully wise reading here.

May we all learn how to take good care of ourselves by practicing waiting (when that's appropriate).

.     *     .

Soothing Water

I took this picture one beautiful morning in May.

Hubby and I were in St. Augustine, FL

celebrating our 25th wedding anniversay.

Smiling because looking at my photo 

--- 4 months later ---

I can still hear the soothing surf

and feel her calm 

quietly,

peacefully

soaking in.

.     *     .

Linking to Kimberly over at Feral Compass.  

Tender, Loving Self-Care

I opened an email recently and was surprised to discover that it wasn’t the words that touched me the most.  Instead, it was the picture of a woman with her hand placed tenderly over her heart.  In fact, I spent several moments just gazing at it … soaking in the love.

And, for me, not seeing her face somehow felt very important.  It felt like a quiet affirmation of my journey of continuing to move down from my head and back into my body.  (An invitation I seem to be hearing "in stereo" these days.)

I had bone cancer as a teen and, feeling abandoned by my body at the time (and without fully realizing what I was doing), I moved out of my body and into my head.  Being a feeler much more than I thinker, I would dip down into my heart but that was about as far as I went.

In time, I’ve been able to gently stop, notice, and see that even after all that we’ve been thru physically, “we” are still here.  While my crutches are permanent companions, reminders, and teachers, I did survive the bone cancer of 36 years ago and over 30 surgeries.

I am thriving.

My heart aches this morning when I think about wanting to bring her with me as she has so graciously carried me thru my life. To be grace-full and mercy-full with her as she has quietly been with me.

Smiling softly because I started taking regular selfies about 6 months ago as a part of my self-care practice.  Actually taking time to *see* me has been incredibly healing for me.

So, as a small way to say yes to this continued. lifetime journey, I took this photo of me with my hand tenderly, lovingly placed over my heart.

.     *     .

Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

~ a lovely Saturday morning and afternoon spent with hubby.  It was so nice just being together and enjoying one another's company as we did errands.

~ a nice hot, leisurely bath while reading a very touching story in An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor.  It was about a couple walking a labyrinth in tears, celebrating the wife's recovery from cancer.  Smiling softly because theirs weren't the only tears mixing with the nourishing bath water.

~ a kind, unexpected note of support from a new friend.

~ a good, quiet day of focusing on working on reports at work, something I am finding that I enjoy.

~ unwinding to Frasier re-runs on television in the evening.  

.     *     .

On the End Table ~ "How to Wake Up"

Being an almost 36-year bone-cancer survivor who's crutches are permanent, I was immediately drawn to Toni's first book, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers. As I suspected I might, I enjoyed it very much. I was delighted to discover she was working on this new book, How to Wake Up. I pre-ordered it as soon as I could.

While I didn't grow up with Buddhist principles, I am coming to appreciate that there is a lot of wisdom to be found and borrowed there, especially with the guidance of a gentle author like Toni. I find her voice to be wise, compassionate and accessible. From her personal examples sprinkled throughout both of her books, it feels to me like she is walking beside me as a fellow-traveler, all while openly and willingly sharing her experience, strength and hope.

Yes, this book is one to be savored and I am very much enjoying taking in her wisdom slowly, a chapter at a time. I am deeply grateful for her beautiful writing voice.

.      *     .

Catch a Falling Star

This sweet angel was a Christmas gift

from my sister- and brother-in-law

several years ago.

It was love at first sight.

Having a special place 

in my heart 

for stars anyway,

 her grace as she catches this gold one

always brings a soft, fond smile.

I am so grateful she has found a home with me.

.     *     .

Beautiful Bridge

(photo credit)

"Keep all special thoughts and memories for lifetimes to come.
Share these keepsakes with others to inspire hope and
build from the past, which can bridge to the future."
~ Mattie Stepanek

Bridges have special meaning for me right now.

I've been walking in a new and different direction over the last several months and I'm finding the image of a bridge comforts and teaches me. 

I'm coming to appreciate how a bridge must be strong and faithful in order to remain standing while water rushes under her and she bridges the gap from one side of the river to the other.  When I come across a bridge these days, each one gently, calmly reminds me that as my path continues to lead me away from some familiar (and very beloved) parts of my life, my journey really isn't ending.  I am simply standing on a bridge and have started a fresh, new beginning to another place.

Smiling softly because the peaceful bridge above touches and calls to my heart in a very special way.  It reminds me that the journey and the future can be very beautiful indeed.   It inspires me because if my future is that beautiful, I *want* to keep walking.  :)

The wise quote above reminds me that I will always have my memories of what was and I can take my fond keepsakes with me into my future, sharing them with my fellow travelers.  Smiling softly because I know my past's treasures inspire hope in me, too.

I am grateful for Shirley at Shirley's Creating for her kind permission to use her photo.  I discovered her lovely blog when we both were participating in Effy Wild's 30-day Blog Along last month.

.     *     .  

A Very Pleasant Surprise

Today is one of those perfectly gorgeous, fall afternoons.  

With it being Friday, I was thinking how nice it would be to celebrate in some small way.  So on my way home from work I stopped by Wendy's for a carmel apple sundae.

In the short time it took for the lady to ask for my order, I hadn't seen what I was looking for on the drive-up menu.  When I described what I wanted, she asked "do you mean a carmel apple parfait?"  Thinking that was probably it, I said yes and she said "come on around."

When I arrived at the window, the man told me that the person taking my order didn't realize the sundaes had been discontinued.  My disappointment quickly turned into smiles when he told me they had all of the ingredients so they could still make one for me.

When nice lady handed it to me, I wasn't sure how much it was so I had my money ready to count.  With a smile, she said, "no, since we were wrong, this one's on us."  What a delightful, unexpected treat!!

I came home humming, took a moment to bask in the sunshine and thoroughly enjoyed my very pleasant surprise.

.     *     .

Dear Old Friends

We had a consultant in from out-of-town at work on Monday and Tuesday.  To take full advantage of her expertise, rather than my usual part-time hours, I worked full days both days.  So that I wouldn't get too tired, I was off yesterday - yay!  

I started my lovely, relaxed day by going to mass.  Smiling softly because it has always been a deep comfort to me to know that there are people who regularly attend daily mass.  It was such a blessing to get to be one of them yesterday and to be able to reconnect with the community of dear elder folks who I get to see whenever I go.  Not only do I enjoy the much more low-key feel to daily mass, it was a real pleasure to share warm greetings and fond hugs with several of the folks I have come to know and love over the years.  

On my way out, as is my habit, I made a point to stop and visit Mary.  She quietly and calmly stands in a beautiful garden, sheltered by three dogwood trees.  With it being a gorgeous, fall-feeling morning and having no where that I had to be, I sat on the small, white stone bench in front of her.  I so enjoyed spending a few moments with her before going on with my day.

Smiling softly because she, too, has been a great comfort for me over the years, especially in quiet moments like this one.  It's always been soothing and reassuring for me to remember that when my own mother couldn't mother me well, our spiritual mother, Mary could, does, and wants to.  She has been a dear friend for a long, long time.

Truly, I am blessed.

.     *     . 

Wordless Wednesday: Light and Hope

.     *     .

Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

~ the way the sun gently shines in the fall and how she has been dappling our leaf-strewn lawn.

~ nine fat quarters that have been bringing the gift of warm smiles ever since I began to care-full-y pick them out and will continue as I sew them into a small quilt.

~ Smiling (still) now, as I ponder my delight continuing each time I see them here on the table right next to me, inviting me to intentionally breathe in deep "ah-autumn's." Self-care in the form of visual, tactile homemade beauty? Yes, please.

~ a good day of work and for the excitement of setting up a new system.

~ hubby cooking dinner after a long day.

~ a fun app, "Kaleido Lens," to play with and for a new "Thankful Tuesday" picture made from one I took!  :)

. * .

Affirmation ~ What the Heart Wishes to Help . . .

While I don't have this one memorized, reading the words always soothes me.  Smiling softly because maybe that's how it's meant to be.  I need to read the words over and over, like a favorite bedtime story, to help remind and assure me (from "the outside") that not only do I not have to try to be everything to everybody, I'm not meant to be.  

More than that, I simply can't.

I am a wonderfully made human woman with needs, wants and desires, just like everyone else, not a machine who can keep crankin' it out.

And for this eldest sister who always felt like she always had to give and do for others, even to the point of not taking care of her own needs?  And still gets tripped up by it?

It is a tremendous gift . . . 

. . . and relief.

"But the cries of the suffering world

cannot all be answered by a single

person all the time.  We can truly only

choose to respond to those that allow

us to go home on a regular basis,

otherwise our heart-lights dim to 

almost nothing.  What the heart wishes

to help is sometimes different from 

what the soul's resources be.

If a woman values her soulskin, she will

decide these matters according

to how close she is to and how

often she has been 'home.'"

Women Who Run With the Wolves

by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

page 282

.     *     .

    

Good and Welcomed Company

This graceful angel 

was a birthday present 

from my darlin' hubby 

last spring. 

I cherish her delicate lines

and calm demeanor.

Her peaceful presence,

along with tonight's 

concert of frog-hymns,

soothes me. 

As I wait

for warm-from-the-oven 

banana streusel muffins to cool,

I am grateful for some quiet time

with her and my candle.

Both are good 

and welcomed company.

(Happy Sunday a little bit early.) 

.     *     .

This is Enough

(photo credit)

 

When I first saw this beautiful picture

and wise, new-to-me quote,

I sighed, relieved.

 

Several days later,

still filled with awe and wonder,

I remain thankful for her reminder

to breathe

and relax

-- just a bit --

(and as best I can)

into letting it all

((( be ))).

 

What a lovely, gentle reminder.

A perfectly timed

and welcomed companion

in my journey with

Enough.

 

As this beautiful flower does,

may I gently open,

trusting that,

as I do,

Mama Grace and Auntie Mercy

will be right there. 

-- Here --

noticing,

nourishing,

tending,

and loving.

 

More than that,

they delight in me,

their cherished daughter,

just as I am.

 

I am so very grateful to Brenda

at A Space of Grace

for her kind permission in

sharing a copy of her

exquisite gift.

 

.     *     .

Sweet Moments

I'm feeling sad today.  When I look at the calendar, it isn't surprising really that some very old things have recently been tugging on me.  I've been riding the wave of mixed emotions as best I can.

Having breakfast this morning with a dear friend was soothing balm for my parched and weary soul.  I was so touched when she opened her heart to me and offered me all the time I needed to talk.  Feeling her concern for me and her love, all while knowing she was trusting and remembering the very best parts of me (for me) helped a great deal.  It also brought the welcomed release of a few tears.

Later, knowing that one of my co-workers is having knee surgery on Monday, I sent a little note of reassurance.  Remembering how anxious I would get before surgery I just wanted to extend a little kindness to him.  As I composed, I hoped my email wouldn't feel like "too much" for him.  

What encouraged me to follow thru is first, knowing how deeply grateful I have been when folks have taken a leap of faith with me, I tend to err on the side of doing rather than not.  I also remembered a couple weeks ago when I had offered to pray for him, how touched he was by that.  Plus I knew my intention was that I just wanted to send a little reminder that I didn't forget and include a warm smile.  So, along with wishing him well, I said I hoped there was a little bit of ice cream in his future.  :)  (Ice cream makes everything better, doesn't it?)

After sending my email I went on about my day.

I was surprised when he later came into my office, walked straight up to me and said, "stand up."  It only took a moment for me to realize that he was wanting to offer me a big hug of thanks.  Smiling because I was happy to receive and share.

After we finished and I had sat back down, I was surprised again when he broke up a little bit as he then tried to verbally express his thanks.  I simply, quietly put my hand on his arm, gently squeezed, nodded my head and said, "I know.  I know."

It is such a blessing to know that even when I am (still) feeling so vulnerable and not very shored up myself, that I can still trust Grace's gentle hand in my life to tenderly touch another.

Truly I am blessed.

And grateful.

.     *     .

Gathas for Work

I'm currently savoring the book, How to Wake Up by Toni Bernhard.  I find her voice to be so gentle, compassionate, easy-to-understand, and wise.  I would highly recommend this book as well as her first one, How to be Sick.

In her eighth chapter, "Tools for Sharpening Your Mindfulness Skills," her last suggestion is to work with "gathas."  This being a new word for me, I was intrigued by her description of them as "... short verses from the Zen tradition that direct our attention to what we're doing in the present moment."  pg. 92

To give her readers a taste, she shares three gathas from The Dragon Who Never Sleeps by Robert Aitken.  Having had a difficult afternoon, I resonated with the third one:

"When things fall apart on the job

I vow with all beings

to use this regretful energy 

and pick up the pieces with care."

Smiling because before I read Toni's gentle suggestion that we might want to create our own gathas, I was thinking this would be something I'd very much like to do and perhaps share here.  After taking in several deep breaths and letting them out, I gift myself with practicing mindfulness right now.  Below is my gatha sharing where I am, what I want to vow, and how I want to practice mindfulness (which, as Toni explains, is Robert Aitken's personal way of writing gathas):

Feeling unfairly evaluated 

I vow with all beings

to practice gentle mercy with myself

and quietly remind myself that I am enough.

May it be so.

.     *     .

Wordless Wednesday: Fall's a-comin'!

(Yay!!)

Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

~ a nice, long leisurely holiday weekend with lots of room to be, and breathe, and rest

~ time spent feeding our baby niece.  I so enjoyed talking to her between bites and noticing the difference in her pace between eating green beans and squash (meandering) and banana and strawberries (I couldn't spoon it up for her fast enough!!) :)

~ a few precious moments with our toddler niece spent gently stroking her curly blonde hair.  I believe our time was soothing for both of us.

~ a warm heart-to-heart conversation with a dear friend.

~ looking at fabrics and putting fall colors together for a fun project.

.     *     .

Labor Day Small Stone

Contentment

Soothing sound of raindrops falling
Comforting creaking rocking chair
Faint rhythmic tick tocks
Dear companion quietly reading
Sighing, resting, and relaxing
Mindfully enjoying being

Home

I made this journal while on a retreat several years ago.  At the time a lot of things were shifting inside and I wasn't sure where I would land and/or end up.  

As I was flipping thru magazines, I didn't quite understand why the words "Act of Daring," touched my heart but they did.  As an act of trust, I cut them out and put them at the top of this journal that I wasn't certain I'd actually ever use.  (I've used spiral-bound notebooks for decades because they lay flat).  

What I *was* sure of was that I loved the picture of the prairie dotted by pretty flowers.

Now, several years later and having walked thru a lot of changes, I am using the journal to record my dreams.  It's such a gift to look at the cover which affirms me in a very deep and unexpected way.  Yes.  Some of the changes I've walked thru have been brave acts of hopeful daring.

Seeing the beautiful prairie blooming and thriving speaks to me on a profound level, reminding me of what can (and does!) happen when I follow my heart's leading and longing.  Even when I am not sure where my path is taking me, just like when I made this journal, I can trust that my journey will take me home to where I belong.

I've also enjoyed rediscovering the pictures I chose to sprinkle throughout my journal on that warm summer's day.  Each one is a welcomed and well-timed "surprise."

This windmill reminds me of my West Texas roots and raisin' because windmills are everywhere there.  It's a very visual reminder that prairies aren't always as full of life as in the picture above.  Nourishment is crucial and sometimes I must dig very deep for the life-giving and sustaining water that is necessary for my survival.

This picture reminds me that bridges are a very comforting metaphor for me right now. I feel like I am on a path to a new place. I'm not exactly sure what it will look like but I am on my way. The wood that the bridge is made of reminds me of some of the fences on my childhood farm.

Ahhh, she says with a warm and tender smile, perhaps I am right on time and my soul, along with Grace, has been and will continue to lead me right where I need to go. Indeed, I am coming back home to my heart . . .

. . . or have I always been here and didn't realize it?

Either way, I am blessed.

Truly.

.     *     .