Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

1.  I do so love this big kid who enjoys playing with our littles.

2.  Beautiful sunshiny spring morning.

3.  Birdsong hymns to start my day.

4.  Kind response to help fix a mistake that left me feeling overexposed.

5.  Process of Praying in Color.

6.  Giving myself time to allow the wisdom to bubble up before speaking.

7.  Getting down our Easter bunnies and the smiles they bring with 'em.

8.  New favorite show:  Fixer Upper (I want them to come do my house!)

9.   Juicy, sweet grapes for dessert.

10.  Easy crockpot supper.

11.  Good night's rest.

12.  Patience with myself as I feel like a klutz a lot lately.

13.  Joy that beautiful dried Valentine's Day roses still bring.

14.  Quiet evening sitting and being with hubby.

15.  Warmth that comes from counting my blessings.

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Praying in Color :: Holy Monday

I do so love this process.

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Praying in Color :: Palm Sunday

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A Lovely Bit of Spring

These lovelies kept me company 

as I waited for hubby to park the car.

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Butterfly Spiral ~ Week 6

This week's breaths of fresh air.

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Shining Blossoms

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Wordless Wednesday :: Dusk

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Thankful Tuesday

Today I'm thankful for:

1.  Two sweet cards from two dear friends arriving on the very same day.

2.  One from a kind friend with a big heart and is a very gifted snail mail fairy.

3.  The other from a lovely woman who took me into her home one summer, 37 years ago

     during my radiation treatments so far away from home, that I haven't heard from in years.  

4.  Making a point to bask in their love again and feeling so cared for by both.

5.  Beautiful, sunny morning and birdsong.

6.  Warm memories of time spent with favorite little ones.

7.  Work is easing and so am I.

8.  Wonderful anticipation of starting a new writing class next week.

9.  Some quiet time to just be this morning.

10.  Voicing a "not this, but maybe this" and asking for the time I need to be sure.

11.  Glorious spring blossoms everywhere.

12.  No pollen ill-effects (yet).

13.  Making time for writing that heals my heart.

14.  Finding wisdom in new book, Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

15.  Our dryer works again!

16.  Yesterday's butterfly is my new favorite:

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Butterfly Spiral ~ Week 5

New creations snuggled in between. 

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Wordless Wednesday ~ Playing with Hubby

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Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for:

1.  Beautiful spring morning serenaded by birdsong.

2.  Quiet moments to write, listen and be.

3.  Soothing orderliness to sit in.

4.  Safe journeys for dear hubby.

5.  Wise, heart-touching, perfectly timed book, Storycatcher by Christina Baldwin.

6.  Playful day at work yesterday.

7.  Connecting to and with my dear heart in writing.

8.  Noah, deeply inspiring new contestant on Dancing With the Stars.

9.  Hope-filled sunshine filling the room and spilling on me.

10.  Soft brown leather chair.

11.  Finding the space between my breaths and the opportunity to choose love.

12.  Warm smiles Valentine's Day roses still bring.

13.  New Ferris Wheel mandala that speaks to me of healthy boundaries 

       (and the wonderful prospect of exploring this more later).

14.  Wind chime songs

15.  New-to-me blessing about peace:

       

May the peace of the tallest mountain 

and the peace of the smallest stone 

be your peace. 

May the stillness of the stars 

watch over you. 

May the everlasting music 

of the wave lull you to rest.

~ an ancient Celtic prayer

May it be so

And it is Enough.

Blessed be.

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Butterfly Spiral ~ Week 4

This week's reminders of New Life

I'm so enjoying doing this!

(So much so that some days 

I *really* want to go ahead 

with making the next day's beauty :) )

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One Self care Move ~ Standing in My Light

So, as you may already know, I've been having a difficult time at work for a long while now. Thursday night, hoping I might find some insightful wisdom to hold on to, I picked up a book that has been helpful in the past and started flipping thru dog-eared pages. I stopped when I happened to find (or did they find me?) some starred and underlined words (ah, so they've spoken to me before).

This quote is one of those "lighthouse in the storm" types for me, gently providing a guiding light for a way to "be" with it all, including my deep disappointment at some uninstigated-by-me distance in a relationship I have long cherished. I typed it out yesterday morning and have been reading thru it over and over (and over), and each time I do, I get a little stronger in my sense of self (and worthiness) (and Enough-ness).

It brought a soft smile to realize this quote is all about practicing "Standing in My Light" for me .... it's a gentle example of *how* to stand right where I am (as best I can in each moment) rather than, as Brene Brown says, hustling for someone else's approval.

The words are from "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work" by Richard Carlson and the title of this particular essay is "Accept the Fact that There's Almost Always Going to be Somebody Mad at You."

"And when you know it's inevitable, 

your gut reaction to the disappointment 

is going to be much more peaceful. 

…you'll maintain your bearings and remain 

compassionate. You'll understand that there's 

simply nothing you can do -- other than your best. 

You didn't intend for it to happen, and you did 

everything you knew …, yet it happened. 

And it will happen again. It's time to let it go. 

And in letting go, you will find peace.

(My word for this year is Peace and what a lovely new way to practice)

♥

I hesitate to say this too loudly so this is me whispering....

It seems my friend at work made a small movement back towards me yesterday. While a bit stunned (I just found the lighthouse-for-me quote above 2 days ago and was starting to settle in with it!), it was very nice to have the unexpected surprise of a couple of light-hearted moments with him again. And, for the first time in months, he actually met my gaze with a teensy bit of a genuine smile.

One *very* important self-care move for me is, as best I can, to stay in today (and under my skin) and try not get too caught up in what might or might not happen on Monday (and forever after).

Another act of self-care is to name it here.... to help me remember.

Blessed be.

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Standing in the Light of Mama Grace

Smiling because I *really* love taking selfies with the sunlight shining on me.  For me, it 

feels like Grace (my fond name for my higher power) is shining Her love on me.  So, 

when I remember, I like to take a moment and just bask in her Mama's blessing . . . 

Smilng softly now because I see my beautiful Moma in my face in this photo.  Tears well 

as I think of her shining her love down on me, too.  

True story :: she and I had an awfully hard go while we were both on this side.  (She died
18 years ago)  Gratefully, we did find peace before she died, something I will always,
*always* be thankful for.

♥

Blessed be.

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A Moment of Joy

A moment of Joy :: pure delight in finding 

tender crocuses welcoming me home.

Quietly wise teachers 

in patient resilience.

.        *         .

Even when inside these days, 

I just breathe easier knowing these sweeties

are blooming right outside our door.

Spring *didn't* forget (to come)!!

Blessed be.

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Big Girl Day at the Ballet

My sweet big girl and me.  

(At 2, little sister is still a bit small

so she stayed home and napped.)

Hold up your program!

She, her mama, and I, at her request!,

 went to see Cinderella at her church.

After the first act, she was ready to go play on the playground 

and, since this was her day and she is 4 years old, 

that's just what we did.

Grinning because I don't believe Bert (my crutch)

has ever been down a slide before.

He has now and said he really enjoyed it!

I do so love this little one!

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Butterfly Spiral ~ Week 3

This week's beauties:

Still very much enjoying this process!

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Where I Stand

"Where I stand. Admiring my new shoes before sitting down to lunch."
(These are the words I paired with my photo when sharing it on Instagram a week ago.)

This is actually a much bigger deal than it looks. Because of complications from bone cancer in my left hip 37 years ago, my left leg is 8" shorter than my right and my crutches are permanent. So when I stand, while my right foot sits flat on the floor, my left foot is up on my tippy toe. "The way I come" makes buying shoes tricky and something I *really* struggle with... My first thought at the prospect is "I *hate* buying shoes" and it's probably been 5 years since I last found some I liked and therefore kept. 

So. To find a new pair of shoes that I actually like and think they're going to work out because they aren't bending uncomfortably over my left toes (yay!), is a *very* big deal for me.

And this is the part where I say thru tears that it's not just about the shoes and trying to get some that fit right. It's also about the big grief in how my body is so different now . . . from what she used to be (and from what I would want). Having had 30+ surgeries on my left leg alone and with most of my femur removed, it's not the prettiest of legs ever. 

I became aware several years back that, feeling my body had betrayed me, I had basically moved out of "her," taking up residence in my head and heart. Coming back down into the full part of me has been something I've played with.... not an easy prospect to consider when you've been "gone" for more than 30 years and one that needs to be taken slowly, care-filled-ly and ever-so-tenderly. 

Tears well again as I add, my body could've given up on me a long time ago, having had several opportunities (she and I have been thru a lot together) but "she" never did, even when I moved out.

There was a time, she adds quietly, when, very briefly, I considered amputation. But in the end, just as I couldn't do it when my cancer was discovered ("If I'm dying in 6 months, I'm taking my leg with me!" I defiantly said at 15), I couldn't do it when I was fighting such a big infection 10 years later. (This was 3 weeks after we were married (almost) 27 years ago and I had been in the hospital for 3 months with another *huge* infection). 

I have loved Liz Lamoreux's mirror meditation so much.  I first learned about it in her original Water Your Soul e-course and it's been good to come back home to that practice thru selfies.  (Fyi - she isn't currently running that e-course right now but she also talks about mirror meditation in her book, Inner Excavation.)

While I did abandon my body, she has never abandoned me. Instead she has simply, quietly, faithfully been waiting for me to come "home" to her. It's moments like these that bring home for me that fact that I believe she continues to patiently wait for (and with) me.  And, as they usually are, not far away are Mama Grace and Auntie Mercy, Enough, Hope, and now Peace blessing, tending and loving this reunion back into to being as well.

Perhaps I'm ready to go a little deeper by "looking (back) with love" at my sweet leg who has been thru so much? 

Ah, yes. 

Perhaps indeed.... 

♥

(grateful for your witness)

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Peace Companion :: Peace Pilgrim

My word for this year is Peace 

and in looking for book companions 

to help support our journey together, 

I'm delighted to have discovered the Peace Pilgrim. 

One evening last week I spent some quiet time, 

snuggled up in my soft down comforter reading about her. 

Smiling softly because I'm also practicing self-care as I read 

by giving myself permission to gently set aside 

the things that worked for her but don't quite fit for me.

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A Moment of Stillness and a Quiet, Blessed Reminder

I just finished a lovely e-course, Water Your Mama Soul by Liz Lamoreux and I would highly recommend it for both mamas and those of us who are simply looking to mama the dear little girl still living inside our hearts.

On our first day she invited us to write a blessing for our journey which I *so* loved and, if we wanted to, we could pair our blessing with a selfie.  Smiling softly because I first began taking selfies when I took Liz's original "Water Your Soul" e-course a couple of years ago.  Not only was that safe space (and her deeply kind presence) an important bridge for me, I've found that getting myself in the picture, too(!), has been such a powerful gift.  A way of deeply *seeing* and learning to practice tender Mercies with myself.

For my first day on our journey, I wanted to intentionally bless myself while in a moment of stillness. Smiling softly because, even tho I'm 52, I still so love being called "dear girl." The little yellow bear watching over me on the shelf behind me was a gift from a dear friend. She has stars all over her and her name is Bearie Star. Sometimes I forget she is there and it brings a warm smile to remember her. In her quiet, constant way, she gently reminds me that there are many other loved ones, whether still here or who have already passed to the other side, who are watching over, caring about and loving me, too....

There is a quote that I so cherish given to me by a very wise and beloved one many years ago. I had forgotten about it until I just recently rediscovered it tucked up in the book where I used to keep it. It's brought me so much comfort over the years and it still does:

                       "And remember, you do not walk alone. You are surrounded 

                        by a cloud of witnesses, family members and friends, some 

                        who have gone before you, all of whom have a stake in your 

                        partnership [or life or whatever fits in the moment]. Your 

                        happiness is important to them. They are your cheering section. 

                        Count on them to walk with you, and trust the One who has 

                        brought you across rivers of grief, through forests of gladness 

                        to your present pilgrimage."  

                                                                 ~ wise source regretfully unknown

As an aside, I've been welcoming in a bit of synchronicity, too. I keep Barbara Brown Taylor's "An Altar in the World" in our bathroom and every single time I take a bath, that wonderfully wise and Hope-filled book (good soul nourishment, really) goes in with me.  The Sunday right before we started our e-course, I re-read her chapter on blessings which is my very favorite. A few things she says that I resonate with so much are: you don't have to be a believer to pronounce a blessing, *anyone* can say a blessing, and if you want to know how, simply try saying a few because it is a practice, too, after all.

Yes.

Blessed be.

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The Truth on My Face

Work has been hard for a good, long while now. It surprises me to see how the "hard" is *so* evident on my face in the top left photo. I took it this morning before starting my car to drive to work. Looking at that one this evening brings tears. This feels really important and holy ... it's me *deeply,* tenderly witnessing me. ♥

(hasn't always been that way)

The top right and bottom left were my taking a breath and a moment to eat during my lunch break.

I did smile for the bottom right-hand photo - I was on my way home! - and I've been trying to tell myself that it doesn't count. But it does ... and there was something so soothing for me to see myself smiling softy, too. Kind of like a reassurance that I am right here with me amidst the hard, even when I sometimes forget.

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Happy Orange & Blue Mandala

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Lenten Butterfly Spiral ~ 2nd Sunday

Close up of this week's lovelies.

I'm really enjoying this process!

Blessed be.

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