What I want you to know

In this round of Love Notes, our second prompt was "What I want you to know."  As with last week, a short poem poured forth.  

What I want you to know

is you don't have to go.

It's ok to say no

and nourish your soul.

Hmm, were these words more for my recipient or for me?

Boundaries continue to be a big theme for me and I'm actually feeling grateful.  It's sinking in, deeper and deeper, that just because walls aren't all that effective, that doesn't mean I don't need boundaries.  More and more, I'm seeing ways in which I give too much and it's starting to feel possible to let go of taking care of and feeling responsible for others.

Had a lovely chat with a wise one yesterday and she asked me, on a couple of occasions, "who are you responsible for?"  We were talking about work and a co-worker who I used to be close with.  I've felt bad because of the distance I've placed between us, feeling it was (yet another) a wall.  But what my friend invited me to see is that maybe it's a boundary instead and a necessary one at that.  My co-worker can be a bully and she interrupts me often.  Aside from being annoying, it pokes me in that "you and your needs are way too big" place.  It feels like she's trying to control and silence me .... because she is.

My friend reminded me that not only is my co-worker in my life for a reason (at least in part to help me to learn to set boundaries), I'm also in her life for a reason.  My allowing her to bulldoze over me, in other words not practicing boundaries with her, doesn't serve either of us.

Yesterday afternoon, when she and I had to sit together to work thru an issue she was having, I was in a calm, peaceful place.  I was also "driving" (my hands were on my computer keyboard and mouse) and when she'd want me to look in one dropdown menu while I was searching through another, I would calmly say, "just a minute" and "hold on," as I finished looking in the place where I was.

She needed my help and I was able to do it on my terms and it was so good.  I think we both left the interaction feeling good about it which feels Hope-filled for me.

Grinning because I'm not even pretending that it will always go this well when we sit together from here on out.  But it was really nice that it went so well yesterday and it's a lovely addition to my boundary track record.

I didn't have to go 

in the direction 

(on my computer screen 

or in our relationship) 

that she wanted me to. 

I could listen 

to what was in my heart, 

say no to her 

and nourish my soul

by saying 

a much bigger yes to me.

(Just as it should be,

especially since we are both adults.)

I am grateful.

.         *         .