Happy Mail

Still no power but the mail just came. 

Yay! 

 📬  .  📘  .  😍

#ilovesnailmail

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Being Seen :: Tears

I took this photo this morning before I got up to get in the shower. I had just written a note to

myself of all of my fears and then, as invited in our Being Seen e-course, I folded it up so that

all of my fears were tucked inside.  As Brene Brown has taught me to do, I then wrote a 

permission slip on a blue post-it note, taped it to the top of my fears and held it to my heart 

along with a sweet little red heart that was close by.

When I was in daily mass a short while later, a ritual that comforts, blesses, and soothes me, 

and on my way to communion, I accidentally tripped and fell back onto the chair behind me. 

I am permanently on crutches and pretty solid on them so it was startling for me, and three 

women from three different directions rushed to me to see if I was ok.

While grateful for their concern to be sure, I felt embarrassed and also annoyed and frustrated 

with myself. One kind-hearted woman sensed my discomfort and warmly shrugged it off with 

a "it just happens sometimes" which was such a gift.

Returning from communion and sitting in my seat, I was surprised to have tears well. I reminded myself that this was a safe space and there was at least 10 minutes before mass was over so 

it was ok to let them fall. (hmmm.... tears well as I type). I think if I had been alone, I might've 

sobbed (we are headed to Texas for a short visit with my family later this week and work has 

been so tough for four months now with a new supervisor.  The transition simply isn't going
well for me). 

I had planned some errands after mass but was still pretty shaken up so I came on home and 

laid down. Afterwards, I looked at this picture and was surprised to see that in reality? 

The tears were already right there . . .

. . . here.

.              *               .

Study Buddies

Working on Brene Brown's "Living Brave" homework 

at hubby's church while he catches up on Treasurer tasks.

.             *             .

Practicing Peace :: Thankful Tuesday

So loving my sweet little oil lamp and her quiet reminders

to gently shine right where I am

and to Practice Peace.

With Labor Day yesterday, I am just now coming off of "Summer Hours."  That means I'm back to being off on Tuesday mornings.  I'm smiling because it really was a delightful surprise just now to remember "Oh, yeah, Thankful Tuesday!"

Today I am thankful for:

1.  Being and playing with my two sweet little girls yesterday.  It still takes them time to 

    warm up but when they do?  We all sure have a great time.

2.  Without even really thinking about it so without much effort, I made boundary setting

     in the form of changing the subject away from areas I just didn't want to go into a game.

     It was easy and I didn't get snagged and all bogged down like I have for so many years.

3.  This sweet little red oil lamp.  Gentle light, like Moonshine, speaks to me so much right 

     now, both the way I believe I am led and in the way I want to be in my world, too.

4.  Some good reconnecting time with dear hubby over the long weekend.  We had a few 

     rough patches, as an extended period of togetherness can bring in any relationship, and

     I did some things differently, like practicing breathing as we rode in the car together.  

5.  A quiet jammie morning on a cloudy day.

6.  My very favorite Fall breakfast of a cup of icy cold milk along with a steaming bowl 

     of oatmeal with cinnamon, cloves, ginger, nutmeg and a sprinkling of raisins stirred in

     and topped with a drizzle of honey.   

7.  Blessed gift of time spent in "my" swing on Mark of the Potter's lovely back balcony

     overlooking the happy Soque River.  It soothes me so much.

8.  Reconnecting with a dear friend and, as in true friendships, the sense that no time has

     passed at all.

9.  My comfy old brown chair has been repaired and is now sporting a beautiful new

     mariner-blue "dress."  It's taken some time for me to adjust back to it but I think I'm 

      just about there.... home.

10. Working on a little surprise for a sweet friend who, while struggling, is making some

     very brave choices.

11. Seeing my picture of the St. Augustine lighthouse from right here in my chair with the

     added bonus of my Core Desire Feelings taped under her.

12. The deep sense of "Ahhh" I feel when I quietly whisper my core desire feelings to 

     myself:  Moonshine, Be Here, Simple Beauty, Peace, and Grace.  I am home in their

     presence circled around me.

13. Soft, long curly hair.  I will probably cut it soon but, for now, I'm enjoying it.

14. Wise book companions.  The two I've read lately are Rising Strong by Brene Brown 

     and Eyes of the Heart by Christine Valters Paintner.

15. The comfort that comes from noticing and counting my thankfuls.

.             *             .

Rising Strong

It's here!!

Yay!

.            *             .

One Self care Move ~ Standing in My Light

So, as you may already know, I've been having a difficult time at work for a long while now. Thursday night, hoping I might find some insightful wisdom to hold on to, I picked up a book that has been helpful in the past and started flipping thru dog-eared pages. I stopped when I happened to find (or did they find me?) some starred and underlined words (ah, so they've spoken to me before).

This quote is one of those "lighthouse in the storm" types for me, gently providing a guiding light for a way to "be" with it all, including my deep disappointment at some uninstigated-by-me distance in a relationship I have long cherished. I typed it out yesterday morning and have been reading thru it over and over (and over), and each time I do, I get a little stronger in my sense of self (and worthiness) (and Enough-ness).

It brought a soft smile to realize this quote is all about practicing "Standing in My Light" for me .... it's a gentle example of *how* to stand right where I am (as best I can in each moment) rather than, as Brene Brown says, hustling for someone else's approval.

The words are from "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work" by Richard Carlson and the title of this particular essay is "Accept the Fact that There's Almost Always Going to be Somebody Mad at You."

"And when you know it's inevitable, 

your gut reaction to the disappointment 

is going to be much more peaceful. 

…you'll maintain your bearings and remain 

compassionate. You'll understand that there's 

simply nothing you can do -- other than your best. 

You didn't intend for it to happen, and you did 

everything you knew …, yet it happened. 

And it will happen again. It's time to let it go. 

And in letting go, you will find peace.

(My word for this year is Peace and what a lovely new way to practice)

♥

I hesitate to say this too loudly so this is me whispering....

It seems my friend at work made a small movement back towards me yesterday. While a bit stunned (I just found the lighthouse-for-me quote above 2 days ago and was starting to settle in with it!), it was very nice to have the unexpected surprise of a couple of light-hearted moments with him again. And, for the first time in months, he actually met my gaze with a teensy bit of a genuine smile.

One *very* important self-care move for me is, as best I can, to stay in today (and under my skin) and try not get too caught up in what might or might not happen on Monday (and forever after).

Another act of self-care is to name it here.... to help me remember.

Blessed be.

.              *             .

Calm Map

I'm so enjoying Brene Brown's e-course on her book, The Gifts of Imperfection.  Last week we studied my very favorite guidepost:  #8 - Cultivating Calm and Stillness, Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle and one of our assignments was to create a Calm Map.

We put a "legend" on the bottom, a visual reminder of what helps us to maintain calm.  On our actual map, we listed our personal steps to help us find our way back to calm when (not "if"!) we loose it.

Beginning with the bottom of the sailboat and going clockwise, mine are:

~ Breathe
~ Notice, Soften, Allow, Love
~ Breathe
~ Ask questions
   ~ Will freaking out help?
~ Hold on loose!
~ Breathe
~ Put my hand on my heart
   ~ I am not alone in this
~ Repeat
~ Forget!
~ Remember
~ Begin again
~ Breathe

I'm so pleased with the way this turned out.  The sailboat is a napkin that I've had in the front of my journal for a couple months now.  I was delighted to pick it up one night as I was fixing myself a cup of chamomile tea while at our book group.

.         *          .

Thankful Tuesday

Today has been a difficult day for me ~

lots of feelings are arising.

I want to be present to them 

and to me 

as best I can. 

I am thankful for:

1.  This sweet little coaster, bought before I knew that Hope would be my word for this year.

2.  The interest of a kind friend and quietly reconnecting.

3.  A large billing project at work that I could focus on and enjoy.

4.  Capturing the truth in a photo.

5.  Listening to Maya Angelou read her book, "Letter to My Daughter" to and from work.  I feel strengthened and nourished both by her voice and her stories

6.  The safety of my home and the comfort of sitting in my old, brown rocker recliner.

7.  The soothing sounds of hubby snores coming from the bedroom.

8.  Being surrounded by gentle angels, reminding me I'm not alone.

9.  Being able to listen to Brene Brown's first live Q&A in an hour.

10. Safe spaces to be truthful.

.           *          .

My Self Portrait ... in Crayon :)

I'm taking Brene Brown's part 2 e-course on her book, The Gifts of Imperfection.  

One of our assignments this first week was to turn to the back of our art journals and draw our self portrait in crayon.  She said it's meant to be our "author's page" and her enthusiasm was palpable.  Even so, at first I was really dreading it and I didn't care much for my hair in the beginning.  My hair is brown so I used my brown and sepia crayons.  It wasn't until I got out my black one and filled in my curly hair that it started to feel like me.  

Turns out her joy about this assignment was infectious.  I'm so tickled the way mine turned out!

.        *        .

Trust in Grace

I took Brene Brown's e-course on The Gifts of Imperfection last fall and had a couple more assignments to complete before the 2nd session starts this week.  (If you haven't read this gem of a book yet, I would highly recommend it.)

When she first invited us to come up with a mantra for the first page of our art journal, I felt sad.  I didn't think I had a mantra.

Grinning now because awhile later, a warm smile spread across my face when I playfully thought to myself, "yes, you do, you big silly!"  I have been saying to myself and writing at the end of almost every single email I send out (for over 5 years!) a gentle reminder to "Trust in Grace."  (Grace is my fond nickname for my Higher Power)

Yesterday morning I had a lovely time pairing my deeply personal and gentle reminder-mantra with one of my favorite selfies.  The pretty pink butterfly is a visual reminder to Hope, too, my word for this year.  

I am really, *really* enjoying the fact that this will now be the very first page I see every single time I open this journal of mine.

.        *         .

Blessing Basking ~ Day 23

Today I am thankful for some relaxing time 

and leisurely space to play 

with paints, markers, pictures, and glitter!

.  .  .

(These pages are actually from a couple weeks back)

.  .

(This is me trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

.     *     .

Taking the Pledge

In Brene Brown's "Gifts of Imperfection" e-course, 

our pledge is: 

 

I am imperfect and I am enough.

Yes.

(This is me, trustin' that simply showing up is Enough)

. * .

Back at Home in my Heart

I realized earlier this week that I had been hustling for my worthiness, again!, without realizing it (again). Brene Brown's e-course on her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, started this week and between beginning to re-read her wise book (*highly* recommend this one!), and a conversation with a dear friend, I am feeling much more comfy in my own skin and back at home in my heart.

I especially resonated with this quote from page 23:
"When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access into our worthiness -- the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don't fit with who we think we're supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness -- that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging -- lives inside of our story."

Yes. And, ahhhhh . . .

(This is me, trustin' that simply showin' up is Enough)

.     *     .